Radek John using guerillas!

Well, first off let me apologize for the spelling mistake, but that's how some folks over here spell gorillas!
It seems this here John feller is using gorillas on the internet! I seen some dhows on gorillas that could use that finger talking. I also seen some who could paint. So I reckon it might be possible to teach them to use the internet.
(if you want to read the article, just click on the title of this post! Ain't that something?)

I reckon some of the ex-pats around here that post on a certain site or two is gorillas too. They probably just change the keyboard a bit so when the hit a button that looks like a banana or an orange something like, "The restaurant is great" "Where's the pepper?" "There's a cricket match on" " I met a rude czech" PEE YOU!". It would explain a lot the more you think about it.
The article even says they're using the gorillas to go marketing for them.

Now I just have to say I think the use of gorillas to back a political party is dangerous. Those gorillas might start learning things and then what? I'll tell you you what! Have you ever seen the Planet of the Apes???
Just think about it!
Who wants a bunch of angry corrupt good-for-nothing gorillas running their government?

new offer, forum poster!

Seems I have a new job offer. All I got to do is talk about how good a certain site is in their forums and I'll be called a staff member and I can even make ideas about new looks too!

winning is nice

Very nice

Klaus, criminal, thief, or misunderstood?

Well, I don't rightly know what to say. It appears Klaus might not be an illusionist after all. It has been unearthed that he's been stealing stuff at meetings before.
Here's the sordid story:
There ain't no quote feature, so the text I'm quoting will be in eyetalics. I don't want to be called a klaustomaniac!

According to Marquand, an Irish correspondent said that she had previously attended a dinner with Klaus and put her dinner gloves on the table. She saw Klaus reaching his hand out, and then noticed the gloves were gone. “Why Mr. Klaus, you have taken my gloves!” she said, according to Marquand. The gloves were returned after some explanation that apparently involved Klaus’ wife and her fashion taste. While it is not clear exactly when the glove incident took place, Klaus was finance minister of Czechoslovakia from December 1989 to July 1992 — and “young” is a bit misleading, as he was born in 1941.

While taking clothing items from neighbors at ceremonial and diplomatic events seems a bit questionable, Klaus maintains it is normal to take items like pens — and says he does it all the time.

Link Here

Klaus a wanted man

It seems the Chile police came to Prague to arrest the pen stealing Mr. Klaus. He holed up in the castle, raised the drawbridge and refused to be taken prisoner. He then sent out some of his own guards and had the chile police women thrown in the dungeon!

Klaus, the pen thief

Our president, Vaclav Klaus, no relation to Santa, has been caught up in one of them hidden camera "stings" He has been caught red handed stealing a jeweled ink pen from the president of Chile.
Them Chilies live in South America, and I don't mean Alabama, it's a whole nother country. For our president to steal their ink pen is pretty embarrassing, but it explains a lot. At the school where I teach English, my pens is always disappearing! I reckon it just comes natural to czechs.
So, I will stop getting angry when my favorite blue pen vanishes, or when my red pen I needs to correct tests with ain't there no more.

Oops, it's just been explained to me by a fellow teacher that it ain't theivery, it's magic! The czech just like to do a little magic and make the pen dematerialize. That's why he's smiling so much. Later on when the Chilly president notices it's gone, slick ol' Klaus will say," What's that in your nose?"
Then he'll pull the pen out and everybody will have a good laugh. Now, that's what I call a statesman!

video here

Czech Pirates 2222 D-1 and raiding parties

There's no ocean or sea near here, but that never stopped a Czech from trying. They finally got pirates over here now. There's actually different kinds of pirates. There's the pirates that steal video and stuff from the internet, there the political pirate too. But they ain't the pirates I'm worried about. It's when you take to the wide open concrete of the 'D-1" that you have to be on guard. They'll keelhaul you for sure.
Now the most famous of all is Pirate 2222. He's a particularly evil one. He escapes imprisonment every time he strikes. And when he strikes, he strikes fast and hard!

(Now this is in Czech and you'll have to watch a short reclaimer, that's commercial in English)


This ain't the only time ol 2222 has struck. He's also known for cutting in front of you and braking hard causing you to crash.

I assume what happens next is plundering and looting, as they fancy themselves pirates. But I ain't heard about it yet. And they is spreading These pirates are striking all over the country,
and abroad! Soon all Europe will be afraid of the czech pirates out there waiting to strike!
Here's an article about one that struck in Germany!

fixed the time problem, posts back in order

seems to have ironed itself out somehow

Chuck Norris

Seems, Mr. Ranger has come over here to eat some carp and celebrate Christmas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDHcYb4xTgQ&feature=related

Time trouble

First and foremost, why did I make a post on Dec. 10 and it's not even DEC. yet? I thought I made it back in october, before I made the post for the second part of the story, but dangit, the date is there for all to see. So, now i must wonder, did I travel in time, or did my blog?

I can't recall Dec. yet. I can't remember a lottery number or even a darned football score. If I had traveled time, i think I would have remembered something that was going to happen! I'd soon be rich like i planned in the future which is why I went here to do something for some reason that will be important. (maybe to fix that caps lock key.)

Since I can't remember the future, the blog must have traveled time which explains the font size problems too. Probably some scrambling plan from those people it traveled time to thwart upon.
I only hope it all works out in the end. I am honored my blog got choosed for time travel.

Now, still time related, I have discovered a major time flaw that is messing up civilization to no uncertain terms. Maybe this is why my blog traveled time to warn me about this? Time to go viral before it's too late! Y2K was stopped! We can stop this time warping too and get celebrations back in snyc to the future and the past.

Look, a regular year has got 365 days, but once every 4 years, there's 366. That means every four years, holiday have to move one day! over 40 years, that's 10 days! I thought I had my birthday last week, but did I? NO! I had it before then by a week or two! When is Christmas?
Easter should stay the same as it is not so mixed up, nor Thanksgiving. But the 4th of July is always the 4th, but is it the anniversary?

Let's see about Christmas. 2,010 years divied into 4 be 502.5. that half a day is going to be a problem, but I reckon we could just celebrate it at lunch time instead on the morning. 502.5 is more than a year, so we are off there, but the important thing is the month. It works out to 137.5. What is Dec. 25 minus 137.5? about 220.5 which means this year Christmas fell for real on Aug. 8th. I hope you all had a merry christmas!

Sammy Pumpkinseed Two, the final harvest.

There she was, with the Great Pumpkin Head on her. Nobody could hear what she was trying to yell out, and by the time somebody thought to whack that thing with a stick, we already knowed what was next. (BTW, whacking Lucy's head with the stick broke the curse and the Great Pumpkin Head fell to pieces giving Lucy back to us, but a bit dazed.)

Then it began to rain pumpkins. They came flying in from everywhere causing everybody to flee, because if you think getting whopped upside the head by a pumpkin don't hurt, then you ain't none too bright. A pumpkin explodes goo and seeds when it impacts a solid surface. Picture this orange seedy slime dripping and running down everything as more and more came down from the sky! The moon was blotted out by the pumpkins.

There was a roar as the wind picked up, and picked up pumpkin pieces, pulverizing them into a puree of pulp and plastering it into every nook and cranny. Plumton was orange. The purple was gone and orange pumpkin puke left the town in slime. The people shuffled off homeward in paralysis.

The next day it was a wondrous white! It had snowed and the earliest winter in that part of the country began. The Pumpkin was gone and all were happy. The kids snapped their orange crayons at school and purple and white were named the official town colors. All was fine until the thaw came.

Everyone wondered what became of the Pumpkinseed family. They had vanished after the harvest Plum Festival, or that was what people hoped. As the snow melted, instead of green sprouts, there was the remains of the Pumpkin pummeling. The Pumpkinseed family emerged from the farm house enmasse. They danced through the streets in costumes of orange and they smelled of rotted Pumpkins, and all the good people fled. The Peaches fled into Peaches valley and the Plums went to their hollow. People ran to the knobs and everywhere, but the smell hung over the countryside for weeks.

Then as spring sprang into it's splendid surprise of springness, horror gripped Plumton. The Plum trees failed to bloom. As did the Peaches, Pears, Apples and even the corn didn't sprout. But one thing was growing everywhere. Yes, you guessed it, it was PUMPKIN!
All the seeds germinated and pumpkins grew from the forks in trees, cracks in fences, and some say on turtles.

The people of Plumton abandoned the new town and scattered like dandelion fluff in a spring breeze, but much more noisy and dandelion fluff doesn't curse Pumpkinseeds the entire time they're scattering either. The new town of Pumpkinseed was established on the ruins of the one before it. The ones who stayed were doomed to a life of Orange. This tale is passed down by those of us who remain to recall the time it was Plum Paradise here, and may be once again.

Sammy Pumpkinseed, a stranger to none, fiend to all.

I'll tell this here tale like it's told in the shows and in the book and leave my own style out of it. It'd be hard to improve none on such a fine piece of history.



Once upon a time, in a land that seems far away now, but isn't if you're closer to it, there lived a man named Sammy. There were other men with different names and women and girls and boys too. But we're here to talk about Sammy Pumpkinseed. Today all the folks know about Sammy Pumpkinseed, but back in those days the name Pumpkinsed was still respected and wholesome. Sammy and his family owned a bit of land in that area of Indiana known as Plum valley and Plum hills.

One fine spring day when the Plum trees were in full blossom, the folks in that area decided to come together and they built a school and a church and had themselves a proper town. They decided to call it Plumton, and have a spring festival when all the plum trees are in bloom, and a fall festival when the Plum "Juice" was done. That was the plan for Plum Paradise and everyone was happy. Everyone that is except, Sammy Pumpkinseed!

Sammy was furious and nearly orange with rage! He vowed revenge on the happy residents of Plumton.
He rode into town and up the stairs of the church and reared his horse up and shouted,"People hear me! The Pumpkinseds have made this place what it is today! We demand you name this town out of respect for us!"

"What?" shouted back one of the crowd. "You bunch of pumpkinseeds is a bunch of orange trash. You got carriages on blocks of wood everywhere around your "farm". Are you ever going to fix them? Or are you waiting for them to grow wheels/!"
Then another one joined in,"If they did, that'd be the only thing yous ever growed! How's the rock crop this year?" Then another,"Go pump a pumpkin!"

A hush crashed down on the crowd like thunder from a feather. Only the stars in the sky can count how many schoolyard fights that had started over those words, and to say them to a Pumpkinseed was sure trouble. The crowd pulled back quickly from the one who had hurled that epitaph. Sammy was reaching for his gun when the sheriff rode into the arena.

"Now you just that back in it's holster there Sammy Pumpkinseed! You just get back home until you've cooled down. You've got Pumpkinseed Knob named after your bunch, just like the Peaches got Peaches Valley. Your family may be populace, but since you all live in one farm house, it ain't like your influence is widespread. Everything's going fine around here. We're all happy and if youse and yourse don't like it, just head on down the pike!"

A thunderous like applause broke out for the sheriff! (Thunderous for the 20 people who were there.) Sammy Pumpkinseed rode off vowing his revenge.

Time passed in Plumton and the summer had been a good one. The harvest had been gathered and the Plum juice was at full boil. It was time for the harvest fling. It was held under the Harvest moon. There was plum pies, plum cakes, peach cobbler and peach "juice" too from the Peaches family. A lot of the men folk had been lucky and there was deer roasting, rabbits baking, and fish frying. Everybody had on purple clothes and they were all exceedingly polite to one another, using perfect English like the teacher had taught them to use.

Then as the evening turned to dusk they crowned Miss Plum. Just as Juicy, er I mean Lucy Peaches was accepting her flowers, all the lanterns went out and the candles too. Some even say cigars and pipes went out. Juicy screamed, and then her screams turned to barely perceptible, high pitched, squeaks. In the commotion, somebody lit a torch and the crowd let out a collective ,"eeeeeew!" Lucy Peaches was standing there with a Pumpkin Head! Not just any Pumpkin Head, but a likeness of the Great Pumpkinhead!

(to be continued)
(c) 2010

Football, or soccer, or something

Well, I went and saw a "football" game the other day. I was told it was football. It wasn't. Well, I guess on a technicality it was football, cause they ain't allowed to use their hands, unless they is the goalkeeper. BUT it ain't NFL football not nothing like it. I seen on the eurosport, sort of a europian ESPN, a game called Rugby. It is sort of like football, except all of 'em get in a big huddle and sort of hug each other and move around and then the ball comes out and then there's a bit of action.
Now this "football" they have over here is what we call soccer. I never saw a game in America, but I hear over there in the USA it's kind of popular for girls to play in the bigger towns and cities. I hear they've even got soccer moms and they've got something called a soov.

The game was something else. I never seen the likes of it. If one feller brushed up against the other, then that feller that was brushed up against proceeded to flop around on the ground like a bluegill on the bank. Then if the brusher managed a good enough brush and the brushee, or flopper, impressed the referee with his performance the brusher gets a card. There's two kinds a yellow, and a red card. I ain't sure what they mean, but the fans get real excited when the referee whips one out, so they must be something special.

The fans is something else too. They was setting fires everywhere and throwing railroad flares, and throwing smoke bombs! It was real difficult to watch the game. But then again, they game wasn't much anyway, the card awards not withstanding. Every once in awhile, somebody would kick a ball and and make it bounce off some other players head. That was always good for a laugh. The guy would freeze up when he saw the ball coming and just like a possum in the headlights, he'd stick his head out and WHAP! that ball would hit him square in the head. That was a real hoot. But all in all it was a let down. I kind of suspect they was doing it on purpose.

There's no cheerleaders, no tailgating with Bar B Q, no helmets, no danger on the field, but in the stands that's a different story! And it ain't a real manly game.Why, they tried to kick field goals, but they can't kick high enough so they kick it into a cage on the ground! The comic relief from the fish flops and the head whallops just ain't enough to make it all worth it though.

Apples, What's the deal with them?

OK, I"m watching this show about wormholes. I thought it's be about nightcrawlers, but it ain't. It's about a "subway between galaxies".
Anyway, they call them wormholes because of apples. Then there's that newton feller who invented the catflap and got famous for getting bopped on the head by an apple while being lazy under a tree. Maybe he was pondering about a new pet invention, so I'll excuse the laziness. Then he figures out it fell down instead of just hung around there, or flew up in the air. That set him to wondering why?
Seems he was the first to question such a thing and now he's famous for asking a question any durned fool could have thought up, if they'd have bothered.
Anyway it was an apple that done that too!
Then God kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden for eating ....... an apple!
Now it's getting spooky. Then there's halloween and carmel apples, Johnny Appleed!

(note: The peaches are from Pumpkinseed, and Sammy Pumpkinseed ain't so well known as Johnny, but they done the same thing more or less. I'll tell that story nearer to Halloween.)

New York is the "Big Apple"

And today was the first day of school and the younun's brought me... APPLES!

I'm going to have to google this and get to the bottom of this apple thing!

Chexican food and podebrady

Well, been awhile. I do apologize, but I sure have been busy. Today I had me some Chexican food. I’m teaching a course in a town called “Under the Ford” I reckon way back when there must have been a filling station here. I guess when “Uncle Joe” was running things it was “Podelada.” But now the commie scum has been driven out of the country, so they changed the name back to Podebrady.

This town is what they call a spa town, like French Lick back home. The waters is supposed to cure what ails you, so they claim. I ain’t tried any yet, but the beer seems to be safe enough, although a bit too heavy. There’s this one beer called “Holegarden” and it’s darned near as good as Pabst, but with less taste. Then there’s this “Stella Arthritis” beer. I guess it’s made from the spa water, but it is pretty tasteless too. I guess if it cures arthritis, it ain’t all bad. But, that’s the only redeeming feature I see in it.

Well, it’s been hotter than a Habanero dipped in Dumbass ™ sauce! Durned fools still haven’t figured out how to put a screen in the windows! The first night I was here (I ain’t pulling your leg neither) I opened my window after dark and within 10 minutes there was over a thousand flies, gnats, no-see-um’s and skeeters in my room!

And if that ain’t bad enough, they believe air conditioning is evil. They claim it’s the work of the western capitals. The doctors even come on tv warning people they’ll die if they go into an air conditioned room and it’s too cold. (But then the same docs say in winter it’s healthy to exercise in sub-zero temperatures. They don’t even see the irony in this.)

No about them western capitals. I ain’t no fan of California or los angelous either, but A/C ain’t to be blamed on them. We had a window unit in the trailer and I ain’t never been no further west than the Mississippi. And no Peaches ever died from it neither.

Back to my point, There’s a “Mexican” restaurant across the street, just upstairs from the undertaker. I’ll put up a picture when I get home. I went and tried it, and well I was a bit disappointed. They didn’t have no Margaritas, nor nachos, not even Tacos! It was a far cry from Taco Bell ™ !

The service wasn’t much neither. They was so darned lazy they made you roll your own FayJeetas! If I had a wanted them in different parts, I’d have said so! Dangit! I want my food ready to eat! And the three sauces weren’t nothing much. I guess I accidently got the children’s version. The only time I broke a sweat was when I saw the bill!

You know what just took the cake? No yellow cheese! No cheddar, American, or even velveeta ™! They only have white cheese and goat cheese there! Tarnation they should make these folks spend a month at Taco Bell ™ so they learn what real Mexican food is supposed to taste like! It should be required before opening a foreign restaurant in a foreign country what in the heck you’re trying to cook!