By Karin Goodwin
AS BRITAIN'S oldest employee, 101-year-old Buster Martin aimed to smash another record yesterday as the world's oldest marathon runner, helped along the gruelling 26.2-mile course with a pint of beer and a cigarette.
Bearded and spritely, the former army physical-training instructor got in shape for yesterday's London marathon in his time off from a plumbing firm. Before setting off, the father of 17, who is also a star with a pop group called The Zimmers, said: "I've said I'll attempt it. I haven't said I'll complete it. I'll do what I always do and have a pint and a fag. People ask what's my secret but I haven't got one. They say fags and booze are bad for you – but I'm still here, aren't I?"Expected to complete the race in 12 hours, he was well on target at the 13-mile mark, where he stopped for a beer, cigarette and some homemade sandwiches.
Monday, April 14, 2008
I got to take my hat off to this guy!
http://news.scotsman.com/uk/Marathon39s-no-sweat-if-you.3977250.jp
new news from over here
Hello Hello!
What’s new over here? Nothing much. Weather has been acting up. We had had a hurricaine! Yup, pretty durned near unbelievable since there ain’t no ocean around for miles. Also some mountains between us too. Be kind of like Nebraska getting one. None the less it’s true. It’s name was Emma. Came a roarin through too. Knocked down some trees and light poles and blew out windows too! I got it all on video, but I can’t figure out how to get it on that you-toot site for videos just yet. I promise to let you know when I get it done.
Only the thing is they pronounce it, “U Rah Gan” I heard all the warnings it was coming so I was prepared. I thought a darned big ol urangatang was coming and nobody knew what to do. You see there’s strict gun control over here so when a giant urangatang attacks we is all pretty helpless unless the police manage to, well never mind. The police is too busy with this Krystoff guy they’ve been hunting for a few years now. They set up roadblocks all over the place, but never catch him.
So anyway, if you here something about a bunch of bananas and a really big box, just don’t pay no mind to it. Besides, that box must have blown halway to Kiev.
I been watching some classic Czechoslovakia animation lately, cause the cable company cut off all the good stuff and I ain't gonna stand for it, so I’m getting me a satelitte dish soon. I hope it picks up the bass fishing channel.
Anyway there’s these two fellers, A Je, and To. They kind of like to do it themselves. Now, I didn’t mean what your thinking!,* although they ain’t never got no women around. But, it ain’t like they’s Bert and Ernie or something like that. They got their own apartments. They like to fix things up. Kind of like that show with Jim Allan “Tool Tim” or something like that. Anyway these fellers are better. They’s kind of like Gumby or something and not drawn out.
They is always getting themselves in trouble and making it worse by trying to fix it. Thing is I can never figure out which one is the clumsier? A Je or To? (Pat and Mat)
They started out in commie times and as such their political expressions and messages for human rights and political freedom were often edited out. In fact one of them was forced to wear a "red"”shirt at all times. After each job was completed due to the efficency of Socialist skilled workers, they had to give a commie salute! They took their right fist and put it to their left shoulder. It’s some kind of salute to “Streda Joe”. I ain’t sure who he was. I think it was some kind of Uncle Sam thing, but I ain’t never seen no picture of him. The pressure got the better of them and they quit for awhile.
Then the commies had to move over for democracy!! Yes Sir, it was a good time and everyone was happy and an optimist. (This is a new word I learned and I’ll tell you about it later.) They say the trees bloomed blossoms of gold and honey dripped from the hives and milk spurted from the cow right into your glass 100 meters away. They said springs sprang beer and sausages grew from trees and even death took a holiday! ( I seen a documentary about this. I guess color tv was a little slow in getting here for the democratic movement!, who had to use hand made equipment and film they made themselves.) They say everyone was singing from the windows every morning (I seen this in another documentary about life on a farm. Da Da da da dadadadada) and even the shopkeepers welcomed customers into shops!
The peole talk about it still. It will go do in Czech history right along there with Tomas the Masaryk and the Round Table of the First Republic. They say this time was even more enchanted and amazing! The streets gleamed from the crystal and garnets they were paved with and ordinary railroad stations turned into palaces! Tomas the Masaryk was the wisest most can reckon and talk about, although the stories of King Charlie the Architect are very interesting indeed. It is said he built most of old Prahu single handedly!! At least a bridge, and a college! I gotta admit (see first letter) at first I weren’t none too impressed until I heard this! Now I understand all the “oooh” and “aaahh”ing.
This probably has got something to do with A Je and To being such a folk-like collective sympathetic memory. Sort of like Rabbits and ducks and cats and mice are American cartoon heroes. (upgraded my thesarous program!)
After the commies left, Czech and Slovakia, which was Czehosloavakia decided to call it quits. It was called the velvet divorce. Everything here is velvet. A velvet revolution, divorce, a beer, and who knows what else!
So basically, Czech and Slovakia which was once in the same place, split and they ain’t in the same place no more, cause they is two different countries now. Well, Slovakia got A Je and To. So in order to save their country and boost moral, they stage a comeback.
So they did. They made more episodes free from the yoke of commie tyranny and Czech suppression. But did they lose their edge? Did they need that pressure to push the edge of freedom to really bring out the best?
It depends on who you talk to. Some say they sold out, see the EU flag in Dlazdice. They even ending up on the Fox network for awhile. For many that was just too much. They’d gone hollywood.
Today they are selling DVD’s in newshops and making “best of” collections. Who knows what is in their future? Can they once again get a hold of the root of what made them great and let us laugh once more? We can only hope the EU and Hollywood haven’t destroyed them!
(er, uh, I may have cut and pasted some stuff that wasn’t exactly my own, but it just sounded better than In could have done myself)
· This is a patentened Delbert Peaches © punctuation mark. Del Marks ™ are like this:
· ?! Wow, What question!
· ,! Wow, what a pause!
· .! Wow what a sentence, better pause extra long.
· ;! I’m sneaking out for a smoke.
Then there is the
!? Hell Yeah, maybe.
!, That’s right, And
!: Yes, and more!
What’s new over here? Nothing much. Weather has been acting up. We had had a hurricaine! Yup, pretty durned near unbelievable since there ain’t no ocean around for miles. Also some mountains between us too. Be kind of like Nebraska getting one. None the less it’s true. It’s name was Emma. Came a roarin through too. Knocked down some trees and light poles and blew out windows too! I got it all on video, but I can’t figure out how to get it on that you-toot site for videos just yet. I promise to let you know when I get it done.
Only the thing is they pronounce it, “U Rah Gan” I heard all the warnings it was coming so I was prepared. I thought a darned big ol urangatang was coming and nobody knew what to do. You see there’s strict gun control over here so when a giant urangatang attacks we is all pretty helpless unless the police manage to, well never mind. The police is too busy with this Krystoff guy they’ve been hunting for a few years now. They set up roadblocks all over the place, but never catch him.
So anyway, if you here something about a bunch of bananas and a really big box, just don’t pay no mind to it. Besides, that box must have blown halway to Kiev.
I been watching some classic Czechoslovakia animation lately, cause the cable company cut off all the good stuff and I ain't gonna stand for it, so I’m getting me a satelitte dish soon. I hope it picks up the bass fishing channel.
Anyway there’s these two fellers, A Je, and To. They kind of like to do it themselves. Now, I didn’t mean what your thinking!,* although they ain’t never got no women around. But, it ain’t like they’s Bert and Ernie or something like that. They got their own apartments. They like to fix things up. Kind of like that show with Jim Allan “Tool Tim” or something like that. Anyway these fellers are better. They’s kind of like Gumby or something and not drawn out.
They is always getting themselves in trouble and making it worse by trying to fix it. Thing is I can never figure out which one is the clumsier? A Je or To? (Pat and Mat)
They started out in commie times and as such their political expressions and messages for human rights and political freedom were often edited out. In fact one of them was forced to wear a "red"”shirt at all times. After each job was completed due to the efficency of Socialist skilled workers, they had to give a commie salute! They took their right fist and put it to their left shoulder. It’s some kind of salute to “Streda Joe”. I ain’t sure who he was. I think it was some kind of Uncle Sam thing, but I ain’t never seen no picture of him. The pressure got the better of them and they quit for awhile.
Then the commies had to move over for democracy!! Yes Sir, it was a good time and everyone was happy and an optimist. (This is a new word I learned and I’ll tell you about it later.) They say the trees bloomed blossoms of gold and honey dripped from the hives and milk spurted from the cow right into your glass 100 meters away. They said springs sprang beer and sausages grew from trees and even death took a holiday! ( I seen a documentary about this. I guess color tv was a little slow in getting here for the democratic movement!, who had to use hand made equipment and film they made themselves.) They say everyone was singing from the windows every morning (I seen this in another documentary about life on a farm. Da Da da da dadadadada) and even the shopkeepers welcomed customers into shops!
The peole talk about it still. It will go do in Czech history right along there with Tomas the Masaryk and the Round Table of the First Republic. They say this time was even more enchanted and amazing! The streets gleamed from the crystal and garnets they were paved with and ordinary railroad stations turned into palaces! Tomas the Masaryk was the wisest most can reckon and talk about, although the stories of King Charlie the Architect are very interesting indeed. It is said he built most of old Prahu single handedly!! At least a bridge, and a college! I gotta admit (see first letter) at first I weren’t none too impressed until I heard this! Now I understand all the “oooh” and “aaahh”ing.
This probably has got something to do with A Je and To being such a folk-like collective sympathetic memory. Sort of like Rabbits and ducks and cats and mice are American cartoon heroes. (upgraded my thesarous program!)
After the commies left, Czech and Slovakia, which was Czehosloavakia decided to call it quits. It was called the velvet divorce. Everything here is velvet. A velvet revolution, divorce, a beer, and who knows what else!
So basically, Czech and Slovakia which was once in the same place, split and they ain’t in the same place no more, cause they is two different countries now. Well, Slovakia got A Je and To. So in order to save their country and boost moral, they stage a comeback.
So they did. They made more episodes free from the yoke of commie tyranny and Czech suppression. But did they lose their edge? Did they need that pressure to push the edge of freedom to really bring out the best?
It depends on who you talk to. Some say they sold out, see the EU flag in Dlazdice. They even ending up on the Fox network for awhile. For many that was just too much. They’d gone hollywood.
Today they are selling DVD’s in newshops and making “best of” collections. Who knows what is in their future? Can they once again get a hold of the root of what made them great and let us laugh once more? We can only hope the EU and Hollywood haven’t destroyed them!
(er, uh, I may have cut and pasted some stuff that wasn’t exactly my own, but it just sounded better than In could have done myself)
· This is a patentened Delbert Peaches © punctuation mark. Del Marks ™ are like this:
· ?! Wow, What question!
· ,! Wow, what a pause!
· .! Wow what a sentence, better pause extra long.
· ;! I’m sneaking out for a smoke.
Then there is the
!? Hell Yeah, maybe.
!, That’s right, And
!: Yes, and more!
Monday, March 31, 2008
News of the weekend
Well, Hey there!
Once again I write to you all. That is called redundant it means to say something that don’t need to be said. Or in the Untied Kingdom, it means you done been put on the dole. On the dole is a way of saying you is out of work , in US English. I think the British say something about sucking on the teet of something.
Sorry, had to put a little lesson in there. I hear there’s a job opening up on one of the papers for an English writer to tell all about how to speak English. I would like to tackle that job.
Anyways, what is in the news? Some strange goings on today. It seems Casper was seen in Prague in the castle!! It was on the news. He was seen by a whole bunch of people. But I heard something about the presidet’s son too. I guess Casper scared him. I hope they all know that casper is a friendly ghost!
Then the thing that perplexed me the most. It seems that the Paris Hilton came to Prague! It really knocked my socks off. I had to go see it myself. There is an Effiel Tower here, so i figured the moved the Hilton too. I never saw nothing though. I was in this restaurant having a beer when i heard some people say the Paris Hilton was coming! I got up and moved toward the window, but all I could see was a bunch of reporters looking at the restauarant. Then I turned around and bumped into this skinny little gal. I guess she slipped and I tried to catch her, but she fell down. She started crying and then she ran off with her feller. I tried to say i was sorry, but I didn’t have a chance.
Once again I write to you all. That is called redundant it means to say something that don’t need to be said. Or in the Untied Kingdom, it means you done been put on the dole. On the dole is a way of saying you is out of work , in US English. I think the British say something about sucking on the teet of something.
Sorry, had to put a little lesson in there. I hear there’s a job opening up on one of the papers for an English writer to tell all about how to speak English. I would like to tackle that job.
Anyways, what is in the news? Some strange goings on today. It seems Casper was seen in Prague in the castle!! It was on the news. He was seen by a whole bunch of people. But I heard something about the presidet’s son too. I guess Casper scared him. I hope they all know that casper is a friendly ghost!
Then the thing that perplexed me the most. It seems that the Paris Hilton came to Prague! It really knocked my socks off. I had to go see it myself. There is an Effiel Tower here, so i figured the moved the Hilton too. I never saw nothing though. I was in this restaurant having a beer when i heard some people say the Paris Hilton was coming! I got up and moved toward the window, but all I could see was a bunch of reporters looking at the restauarant. Then I turned around and bumped into this skinny little gal. I guess she slipped and I tried to catch her, but she fell down. She started crying and then she ran off with her feller. I tried to say i was sorry, but I didn’t have a chance.
Mr, mus
1 CommentClose this window Jump to comment form
Anonymous said...
As a new Aussie expat in Prague, I have found your blog intriguing. Do you have any sage tips and advice for surviving this place? I feel like your advice would be more useful than anything that I may care to read on expats.cz.With love,Aussie Expat
March 28, 2008 6:29 PM
Well, the number one tip is this: It ain't Kansas, toto. Grit your teeth and get used to it. You're going to have bad days. But now it's Spring and everything is nice and skirts are getting shorter!
Drinking at 6am ain't frowned upon, so go for it!
When you gotta go to an Urad, take some kind of elephant dart like they use to put them to sleep with. Stick it in your neck before you open the door.
Anonymous said...
As a new Aussie expat in Prague, I have found your blog intriguing. Do you have any sage tips and advice for surviving this place? I feel like your advice would be more useful than anything that I may care to read on expats.cz.With love,Aussie Expat
March 28, 2008 6:29 PM
Well, the number one tip is this: It ain't Kansas, toto. Grit your teeth and get used to it. You're going to have bad days. But now it's Spring and everything is nice and skirts are getting shorter!
Drinking at 6am ain't frowned upon, so go for it!
When you gotta go to an Urad, take some kind of elephant dart like they use to put them to sleep with. Stick it in your neck before you open the door.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
time and space realtionships
Well, it’s good to sit down and let you all know what’s new. You remember that there film gumball rally or something with Bert Reynolds, Don Deluise, Jakie Chan, Bond 007, and of course Farah Faucet!!!????? I don’t know what in the heck they’re up to here, but everyday it’s just carnage and more of it. They had a big ol’ demolition derby on the main road, D-1.
Other than that ain’t been a whole lot going on. Except this, I was sitting there in my rocking chair, rocking away like I always do just as long as it’s possible without some damned busybody coming a long and trying to make me do something I’d rather not. Things like work and shopping and cleaning and so on drive me nuts sometimes!
It was like Ol’ Aunt Slyvester used to always go on about getting off my butt and going somewhere. Well, I realized I am going somewhere. And pretty durned fast too.
So, We’re going around in circles like about 1,000 miles per hour. Earth is about 23,000 or so miles around, depending wher you want to wrap the tape. Kind of like some women folk I know. That tape can make a bit of difference. So, it’s like you’re flying around in a giant tilt-a-whirl, only you’re outside the cage being stuck to it! It’d take a nascar car about 5 days to go that far.
Dang, that’s a scary picture flying around that fast on a big ol’ ball. BUT then we is going around in big Ol’ circles around the Sun at 67,000 mph! So now we’re going around and around; and around another thing! We’re into double tilt-a-whirl terroritory now! (Maybe with a side order of corn dog, elephant ear, and a Pabst!)
Like that ain’t enough, we’re going around the galaxie at 1.34 million miles per hour! Now, triple tilt-a-whirl in Three dimensions (and some Italian sausages on top) But going so fast as this. The sun is like 93 million miles away. That’s so darned far It’s like like 186,000 Indianapolis 500’s. Now here’s what’ll knock your hat off: Light can go that far in 8 minutes! That’s right, minutes. You do the summnations and figure out how far it could go in a year!!! So now we is going in circles around something that’s also going round.
Now they say on top of that, we is shooting straight out of the middle of the universe. So we are on the most God awful twirl and hurl ride ever invented, and it’s being shot out of a cannon at !!
Then, like I needed more, I find out there’s these things called Newtrinos that are flying out of the Sun and they pass straight through you! Like A white castle sack of burgers and some onion rings, except these newtrinos just don’t even slow down that much! They say there’s all kinds of them doing it every second. You know, I can’t wait to get my danged sports channels back on because this stuff is making me crazy. So, I ain’t even solid? I’m being shot clean though by newtrinos and some other kinds of light too, who knows how many times a second and flying through space in 4 different directions at once, and you wonder why I get a little turned around once and awhile? Tarnation it’s a wonder I don’t just off and hit the fan so to speak.
But don’t nobody ever tell me about sitting on my rear and never going anywhere no more! Nor about wasting no time and don’t even get me started on that. That’s a whole ‘nother direction we’re flying through
Other than that ain’t been a whole lot going on. Except this, I was sitting there in my rocking chair, rocking away like I always do just as long as it’s possible without some damned busybody coming a long and trying to make me do something I’d rather not. Things like work and shopping and cleaning and so on drive me nuts sometimes!
It was like Ol’ Aunt Slyvester used to always go on about getting off my butt and going somewhere. Well, I realized I am going somewhere. And pretty durned fast too.
So, We’re going around in circles like about 1,000 miles per hour. Earth is about 23,000 or so miles around, depending wher you want to wrap the tape. Kind of like some women folk I know. That tape can make a bit of difference. So, it’s like you’re flying around in a giant tilt-a-whirl, only you’re outside the cage being stuck to it! It’d take a nascar car about 5 days to go that far.
Dang, that’s a scary picture flying around that fast on a big ol’ ball. BUT then we is going around in big Ol’ circles around the Sun at 67,000 mph! So now we’re going around and around; and around another thing! We’re into double tilt-a-whirl terroritory now! (Maybe with a side order of corn dog, elephant ear, and a Pabst!)
Like that ain’t enough, we’re going around the galaxie at 1.34 million miles per hour! Now, triple tilt-a-whirl in Three dimensions (and some Italian sausages on top) But going so fast as this. The sun is like 93 million miles away. That’s so darned far It’s like like 186,000 Indianapolis 500’s. Now here’s what’ll knock your hat off: Light can go that far in 8 minutes! That’s right, minutes. You do the summnations and figure out how far it could go in a year!!! So now we is going in circles around something that’s also going round.
Now they say on top of that, we is shooting straight out of the middle of the universe. So we are on the most God awful twirl and hurl ride ever invented, and it’s being shot out of a cannon at !!
Then, like I needed more, I find out there’s these things called Newtrinos that are flying out of the Sun and they pass straight through you! Like A white castle sack of burgers and some onion rings, except these newtrinos just don’t even slow down that much! They say there’s all kinds of them doing it every second. You know, I can’t wait to get my danged sports channels back on because this stuff is making me crazy. So, I ain’t even solid? I’m being shot clean though by newtrinos and some other kinds of light too, who knows how many times a second and flying through space in 4 different directions at once, and you wonder why I get a little turned around once and awhile? Tarnation it’s a wonder I don’t just off and hit the fan so to speak.
But don’t nobody ever tell me about sitting on my rear and never going anywhere no more! Nor about wasting no time and don’t even get me started on that. That’s a whole ‘nother direction we’re flying through
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
howdy
I hope everybody had a fun Easter. I hope to get some new posts done soon. I took on a second job so i don't have so much time at the moment.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
This is a "bump" of an easter post
Dear Fast Ed and the boys at the Sunoco,It's finally Spring over here. It's planting time and I'm helping out some of the boys when I get some free time. Those boys go pretty much round the clock when it's time to go. The tractors over here is bout the same as ours. Some of the boys even got themselves deeres. So things are a hoppin here in Mozkojedy. My job teaching at the farm school is going just fine. Evenings pretty much finds me sitting at U Bricho, ain't nothing else to do round here.All the tv is in Czech and it's about the damnedest language there is. Well, more about that later, I don't want to get all worked up into a dander now. A couple of folks here gots a dish on their house, but it don't pick up TNN, CMT, PTL, or even ESPN 10. What they do pick up is all in some other language that I cain't make heads or tails of.Well, last weekend was Easter Monday. Yup, you heard me right, Easter Monday! It is the most heathen thing on earth too. I was in bed for two days afterwards. I like to never got through the day teaching. Of course the students was pretty quiet, heckfire some of them was worse off than me, if that's possible. I was as pale as a preacher caught poking a pony. I just went home and lay in bed a moaning and a groaning, couldn't hold nothing down niether. It was just an all around misery.Now, I swears what I'm gonna tell you is the gospel truth. We do the holiday on Monday, but we don't even go to church! That ain't no problem with me though. You see, alls we got is a catholic church. There ain't no Hellfire's Awaiting Antiot Baptist Churches in my burg.All the same the boys from the Bricho drag me out of bed at 7:00 in the morning. Well, I sure as the hell weren't none too happy about about it niether.But the boys was smiles all around. Ain't none of these boys speak English beyond ,"Delbert," and , "That's for Del" (Dopr Deli) . My lessons at the Bricho don't seem to be sinking in none too well, but of course I ain't exactly rattling off the ol cesko myself. Damned thing is we seem to understand eachother while we're there.Well anyway, the boys was all standing around grinning like possums eating persimmons with these long switches in their hands all strung out with ribbons. Then they pull me out of the door. If I'd a known wahat was going to follow, I'd a broke free and hid in bed all day. We head over to the first neighbors the Gott's. So we knock on the door and waltz right on in like we owned the place. Didn't even take our shoes off like you normally got do like you was in Japan or something. The boys start grabbing the women folk and hiding them real good and hollering"Hady, Hady co pro vody." I think it means the snake is looking for water. Then the gals gives us all an egg! Hell, if I'd pulled something like that back home, I figure I'd get some rock salt in the hindquarters. Then they offer us a half a sandwich. (They's pretty poor over here still and can't afford to put bread on both sides.) Then the men folk poor us each a shot of something or the other. Some stuff called Becker's over and Furnyet. They call 'em appertites. I reckon so, anything to get that taste out of your mouth.Then there was all the usuals, vodka, something called room, There is also this vice drinks, plum vice, peach vice, and cherry vice. They is right, it is about like putting your head in a vice. Well ain't no sooner we all poured outa one door we stumbled right into another. This kept a going on and on. Finally we get to Tonda's house. ( They call him Tonda on account of that's about what he weighs. But, boy can he put down the beer!) We spanked all they women and his Granny gave us some Gulash .I was really looking forward to something warm, those sandwiches are ok, but when a man's a drinking like that; he needs a full stomach of something substancial. It was called serengetti gulash. I reckon because it was so dry. To look at it you'd think it was Dinty Moore's beef stew, but with no taters. That's a shame, cause I'd really have liked something I could chew up. It was kinda like beef jerky. You keep chawing on it, but you don't really get nowhere. I reckon somebodies cow keeled over from old age last week.So then we was off for more spankin and drinkin. I wanted to go home, but the boys weren't having none of it. They kept on draggin me from house to house. Now what follows is what I remember because it stands out. I'm sure there was some more stuff, but I just can't recolect too well. About the last thing I remember, well Hell, ain't never gonna forget this one. Was the Klause's. (No relation to Santa, ha ha) There's this onery ol cuss named older .lives in the village and he joined us going up the drive. Older was about three sheets in the wind. We all went in and commenced to the spankin. There was the granny, an aunt, Mrs. Klause and their daughter Sharka. Sharka is a real mean one. She's always screaming and yelling at everybody. You can hear her all night long. Older gets ready for his turn and bends her over the couch and yanks up her skirt! He proceeds to spank her for a bit and then the old fool drops his drawers! No telling what the idiot was thinking, but you knnow the saying about drinking,"you might et Julie, But you ain't shakin your spear." You'll never believe what happened next. The dumbass just cuts loose and starts peeing on her butt!I was waiting for Klaus to just tear into him and kill the old jackass, but Klaus was just rolling on the floor laughing! About this time sharka showed her teeth. I guess she'd been in shock up till now. She reared up and caught Older with a right and dropped him in his tracks. Well, it weren't hardly fair, the old guy had this pants hanging down to his knees and couldn't have gotten away if he'd wanted to. He lay there a spouting like a fleur de lee!Sure wasn't any of us coulda helped him. We was all just busting our guts laughing. Finally Mrs. Klaus and the Aunt muscle Sharka in the next room and we all get on aout of there. Finally I convinced the boys it might be a good idea to call it a day. Yeah, call it a day and it weren't even noon yet.The village looked like some sort of secret weapon had went off. The men was staggering all over the place. Some of them was even sleeping on the sidewalk. I got home, but it weren't no use. I couldn't get the key in the lock so I headed toward the hospoda. I was shanghied by Alex's wife first. She was yelling and screaming like something was really wrong, and it was. Next thing you know Alex comes staggering out of the house. His face was redder than Zeman's nose. ( That's what the locals say, I ain't sure what it means.) And there was yellow and white stuff oozing out of his head. Scared the hell right out of me. I figured he done busted his head wide open and the brains were coming out. I tried to help, but when I got closer I noticed it weren't his brains at all, but Tater salad! Seems Alex passed right out in a big ol platter of deep fried pork chops fresh from the fryer. Well that lit a fire under him, so to speak. He panicked and didn't know what to do, and the first thing he saw was the tater salad so he stuck his head in the whole bowl to try and cool his face off.As soon as I realized he was going to live, I headed back to the bar. Next thing I knowed I seen older laying out front of his place moaning and groaning. Sharka only got him once, but he was looking like he'd been tenderized! He was all over black and blue. Then out from a bush leaps this banshee just a wailing and shrieking at me holding a frying pan. It was Older's wife. Seems somehow she found out about Older and Sharka and wasn't none too pleased. As I closed in on the bar I see something else laying around. The hospoda sits at the bottom of a long hill. Goats are kept in this field to keep the hill clean. There's some houses at the top of the hill, a church, and a park.. What ever it was in the field was all covered in green and brown, kind of like one of them soldier of fortunes. I got closer and saw it was Fanta. He'd been up at the park going home and decided to have one more and took the short cut through the goat pasture. He must've slipped on a goat pie on the top and tumbled down the whole way getting grass stains on him and hitting quite a few more pies on the way down. I sure wasn't going to help him so I went on in to the bar. Next year I am for certain staying home and sleeping.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The great carp hunt Part one
Well, I was cleaning out the place and I come across this here pile of papers. They was mailed to me and I never bothered to read them until the other day. The fact they was in an envelope inside the one they was mailed in and labeled, “You Bastard” didn’t help none. Well, I figure I ought to just go ahead and post it here!
The Great Carp Hunt
By
Lovec s. Antonsyn
It’s 4:30am in Kozojam and thing aren’t pretty. I sit here with only dollars in my pocket. I have to get out of here. The natives have turned ugly and our sponsors, the Stavkař team have disavowed any connection with us. I have to catch a local train to Sv. Michael, and then another one to Kralupy where we then get on a train to Prague. But there are problems.
I am sitting here with all the windows open and Dechova music playing. All the other Chatas are quiet, but not mine, I have my fan on full blast to keep the mosquitoes and the damned stinging nettles at bay. I don’t even know what to call these things that look like flying ticks hoovering around my glass of Bozkov rum.
I have to pick up my adviser and friend Mel Poorer. We both have to také this broken and trashed Skoda 120L and drive the 10 km to the train station, board the train and escape, all without paying a massive bill. The bill at the main office for a week at the chata, plus damages, plus the liters of slivovice, a double toed foot carved out of sandstone, the granat, and hruskovice and vinovice are way more than we have between us.
Nobody believes we are who we say we are. They have all deserted us. How did this happen?
Dear Mr. Antoninsyn,
Here’s the schedule of events at the Kozojam Tournament. We are thrilled you can join us. The tourney is a biggest fish everday, plus a one shot carp only day. Highest total will win. Every night will be a Kolbasa roast and beer party. We expect over one hundred people. The train leaves Prague at 3:45. No visa is required, nor shots. Although it is rude not to have shots when offered.
Indeed, no shots. I knew better than that. I had been outside Prague before. That is why I needed this vacation. The grueling schedule of deadlines about the latest Czech personality who could speak English so I could get an interview was bad enough. But, I was also doing restaurant reviews and the night clubs, and the kino schedule. I was frazzled and near breakdown. The prospect of a carp hunt was for me was just what the doctor ordered.
When I arrived in Kozojam, they were there to meet me. They were thrilled to have a real American Journalist working for a genuine Prague newspaper. They threw my bags in a Skoda Favorite, and I thought, “Why not?” and all this, Pan Anotininsyn, and respect were great. I wanted to stay at the autocamp in a chata, but they said, “Ne Pan Antoninsyn, you have a room at the Pension!”
On the trip the driver told me. “The family that has the pension owns half the town. They are the town concil and they own the hospoda. The autocamp is not for people like you. All they have is an obcerstveni.”
***************
I had been to these villages before. The ponds were filled with fishermen. They fished until late and then the party began. I had tried to arrange a night fishing, for the big ones, but it couldn’t be done. I was talking to a local, me so drunk on Pivo and slivo that I understood the local perfectly even though he spoke no English. “ Ne, noc ne, ale pro tebe, DO PRDELI!!!! AJ JA JA JAAAAAAAA!” Well, I thought, “this guy hates foreigners,” but then I noticed he was tearing at his shirt and another guy was laughing as he tried to reel him in after hooking him with a number 3 laser carp hook. The maddness was too much for me and I left. Back at the chata Jana was waittting for me and we got into the Trabant and went cruising. I was slugging back more and more Slivo and soon I began to go crazy. We steered the Trabant back toward the pond and the obcerstveni near by.
We crashed through the hedges and parked. The headlights were shining on the shocked fishermen and tha campfire. I jumped out and shouted in my best Czech, “Ahoj! Dobry dano! Jak she mash? Ty vola! Vola! Vola! Ty Vool!” I could see that wasn’t working and indeed they were looking a bit angry. So then I turned to the obcervestni keeper, “Please! I need,” then I blanked out. What the Hell did I need? Why was I in a village? I backed off slowly and dived into the Trabant with Jana, but Jana wasn’t there, it was a big eel! A big eel was jabbering at me about something involving pareks and rohliks. What in the Hell was going on? I started screaming and ran for my life. All this time I heard chants of pivo and curses from hell. All I remember was some Latin sounding chants, “cizinec bulby, cizinec bulbi!”
I awoke some days later by the railroad tracks hidden under a bush. Then I managed to get home. That experince had left me shaken and wiser. I knew what I was getting into this time.
******
So, the night before the touney was to begin, we were in the pension restaurant knocking back the pivo and slivo with some damned toothpaste tasting green shit in between. Then came some vodka some real mind bending pig tranquailizing stuff called fornet-23. It was foul and obnoxious, yet, well why spoil it. It is still legal in some parts of the world.
About this time my advisor Mel started screaming about the ODS and that they were fucking all the little girls and selling them to the Germans for the highest prices. "You rapers! They are commies under a different name! Nothing has changed!” I rushed over and bought some pivo for the people in earshot. “Damnit Mel!” I whispershouted into his ear. “Just be cool. It’s not your country. We have to get out of this assignment alive.”
Then he shouted again. “And the Gypsies! You bastards! You are like the,” He didn’t finish that one. I sprayed him in the face with Beecherovka. He was writhering on the floor before the locals could react. I dragged him out the door and threw him in the pond. After he crawled out we climbed into the Skoda and sped off. 10 minutes later we were on the other side of the pond. I parked the car and looked up into the sky. I must have felt the effects of the slivo for I thought I was staring into a revolving beer ad. The kind that the light went up and down and changed colors and you wondered how they did it until you smashed one and saw it was all just colored glass. While I was contemplating this, Mel came out screaming, “Damnit! Damnit! I’ve found the Czech dream! It’s what we are here for! You’ve got to meet these people!”
My memory of that night is very hazy. The smoke stains on my retena may never go away. We were at the obcerstvni. It is a little place hidden away serving smoked sausage and shots of everything. I remember meeting Franta. He was the dealer of the area. He slid a silver flask to me. I started to open it. “Not here!” he hissed. “In the bathroom!” I went in and took a snort. It was high grade almost pure something-ovice. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. It was clear we would need gallons of this stuff to be on the edge and get into the minds of the people around us.
I don’t know when we got back to the pension or how we got in. Judging from the scowls and disdain that rained down upon us, it must have been a rude entry. Needless to say we missed the first morning of the fish contest. It went that way all week. We kept hitting the ovice to keep sane among these people who sat all day upon the wildly spinning and heaving banks of the pond. Yes, the stavkař people had had enough of us and doubted we were with the number one English newspaper in Prague at all.
I forget which day it was, I think it was Thursday when we were at the obcerstvni, sitting at the picnic table with the grease smoke and sizzling sausages in the air. There was a british couple nearby. We were quiet, listening to them to see if they were just decoys or not. A green Skoda Favorite kept going past, making laps around the pond. Mel said, “That Skoda is making me nervous. You know what they said about that family.” I replied staring straight at the Brits. “Don’t worry. We’ve got a bunch of Ukers from Kiev coming in, besides, they wouldn’t dare try anything here in daylight. They’ll wait until they get a permit. Today’s Thursday. They’ll have to wait until Monday when the “uřad’ is open. By then our Ukers will be trumps around here.”
“What,” said the man. “Surely not here? It’s so peaceful.” His wife nodded. I glanced at Mel. The mafia runs everything in this country. Problem is which mafia. The Israel, Ukraines, Russians, and even the Italians are here seeing who will get the prize.”
Mel took over, “Yeah that green car there is the mayor, he works for the Russians. He thinks he can push us around, but we got a surprise for him.”
We smiled as we watched the couple pack their caravan and speed off. We snuck off and hit the flask again. The problem was the story wasn't ’oming along. I had nothing. I wanted to know what it was like out there fighting a big one and getting him up to shore. We had to find a guide and go after a real fish. Maybe a sharp toothed needle mouthed Pike , or better yet a night sessions after a sumec. A sumec is a freak of nature that grows over two meters long and eats ducks and swans. They have even been rumored to také down a kid or two.
The Great Carp Hunt
By
Lovec s. Antonsyn
It’s 4:30am in Kozojam and thing aren’t pretty. I sit here with only dollars in my pocket. I have to get out of here. The natives have turned ugly and our sponsors, the Stavkař team have disavowed any connection with us. I have to catch a local train to Sv. Michael, and then another one to Kralupy where we then get on a train to Prague. But there are problems.
I am sitting here with all the windows open and Dechova music playing. All the other Chatas are quiet, but not mine, I have my fan on full blast to keep the mosquitoes and the damned stinging nettles at bay. I don’t even know what to call these things that look like flying ticks hoovering around my glass of Bozkov rum.
I have to pick up my adviser and friend Mel Poorer. We both have to také this broken and trashed Skoda 120L and drive the 10 km to the train station, board the train and escape, all without paying a massive bill. The bill at the main office for a week at the chata, plus damages, plus the liters of slivovice, a double toed foot carved out of sandstone, the granat, and hruskovice and vinovice are way more than we have between us.
Nobody believes we are who we say we are. They have all deserted us. How did this happen?
Dear Mr. Antoninsyn,
Here’s the schedule of events at the Kozojam Tournament. We are thrilled you can join us. The tourney is a biggest fish everday, plus a one shot carp only day. Highest total will win. Every night will be a Kolbasa roast and beer party. We expect over one hundred people. The train leaves Prague at 3:45. No visa is required, nor shots. Although it is rude not to have shots when offered.
Indeed, no shots. I knew better than that. I had been outside Prague before. That is why I needed this vacation. The grueling schedule of deadlines about the latest Czech personality who could speak English so I could get an interview was bad enough. But, I was also doing restaurant reviews and the night clubs, and the kino schedule. I was frazzled and near breakdown. The prospect of a carp hunt was for me was just what the doctor ordered.
When I arrived in Kozojam, they were there to meet me. They were thrilled to have a real American Journalist working for a genuine Prague newspaper. They threw my bags in a Skoda Favorite, and I thought, “Why not?” and all this, Pan Anotininsyn, and respect were great. I wanted to stay at the autocamp in a chata, but they said, “Ne Pan Antoninsyn, you have a room at the Pension!”
On the trip the driver told me. “The family that has the pension owns half the town. They are the town concil and they own the hospoda. The autocamp is not for people like you. All they have is an obcerstveni.”
***************
I had been to these villages before. The ponds were filled with fishermen. They fished until late and then the party began. I had tried to arrange a night fishing, for the big ones, but it couldn’t be done. I was talking to a local, me so drunk on Pivo and slivo that I understood the local perfectly even though he spoke no English. “ Ne, noc ne, ale pro tebe, DO PRDELI!!!! AJ JA JA JAAAAAAAA!” Well, I thought, “this guy hates foreigners,” but then I noticed he was tearing at his shirt and another guy was laughing as he tried to reel him in after hooking him with a number 3 laser carp hook. The maddness was too much for me and I left. Back at the chata Jana was waittting for me and we got into the Trabant and went cruising. I was slugging back more and more Slivo and soon I began to go crazy. We steered the Trabant back toward the pond and the obcerstveni near by.
We crashed through the hedges and parked. The headlights were shining on the shocked fishermen and tha campfire. I jumped out and shouted in my best Czech, “Ahoj! Dobry dano! Jak she mash? Ty vola! Vola! Vola! Ty Vool!” I could see that wasn’t working and indeed they were looking a bit angry. So then I turned to the obcervestni keeper, “Please! I need,” then I blanked out. What the Hell did I need? Why was I in a village? I backed off slowly and dived into the Trabant with Jana, but Jana wasn’t there, it was a big eel! A big eel was jabbering at me about something involving pareks and rohliks. What in the Hell was going on? I started screaming and ran for my life. All this time I heard chants of pivo and curses from hell. All I remember was some Latin sounding chants, “cizinec bulby, cizinec bulbi!”
I awoke some days later by the railroad tracks hidden under a bush. Then I managed to get home. That experince had left me shaken and wiser. I knew what I was getting into this time.
******
So, the night before the touney was to begin, we were in the pension restaurant knocking back the pivo and slivo with some damned toothpaste tasting green shit in between. Then came some vodka some real mind bending pig tranquailizing stuff called fornet-23. It was foul and obnoxious, yet, well why spoil it. It is still legal in some parts of the world.
About this time my advisor Mel started screaming about the ODS and that they were fucking all the little girls and selling them to the Germans for the highest prices. "You rapers! They are commies under a different name! Nothing has changed!” I rushed over and bought some pivo for the people in earshot. “Damnit Mel!” I whispershouted into his ear. “Just be cool. It’s not your country. We have to get out of this assignment alive.”
Then he shouted again. “And the Gypsies! You bastards! You are like the,” He didn’t finish that one. I sprayed him in the face with Beecherovka. He was writhering on the floor before the locals could react. I dragged him out the door and threw him in the pond. After he crawled out we climbed into the Skoda and sped off. 10 minutes later we were on the other side of the pond. I parked the car and looked up into the sky. I must have felt the effects of the slivo for I thought I was staring into a revolving beer ad. The kind that the light went up and down and changed colors and you wondered how they did it until you smashed one and saw it was all just colored glass. While I was contemplating this, Mel came out screaming, “Damnit! Damnit! I’ve found the Czech dream! It’s what we are here for! You’ve got to meet these people!”
My memory of that night is very hazy. The smoke stains on my retena may never go away. We were at the obcerstvni. It is a little place hidden away serving smoked sausage and shots of everything. I remember meeting Franta. He was the dealer of the area. He slid a silver flask to me. I started to open it. “Not here!” he hissed. “In the bathroom!” I went in and took a snort. It was high grade almost pure something-ovice. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. It was clear we would need gallons of this stuff to be on the edge and get into the minds of the people around us.
I don’t know when we got back to the pension or how we got in. Judging from the scowls and disdain that rained down upon us, it must have been a rude entry. Needless to say we missed the first morning of the fish contest. It went that way all week. We kept hitting the ovice to keep sane among these people who sat all day upon the wildly spinning and heaving banks of the pond. Yes, the stavkař people had had enough of us and doubted we were with the number one English newspaper in Prague at all.
I forget which day it was, I think it was Thursday when we were at the obcerstvni, sitting at the picnic table with the grease smoke and sizzling sausages in the air. There was a british couple nearby. We were quiet, listening to them to see if they were just decoys or not. A green Skoda Favorite kept going past, making laps around the pond. Mel said, “That Skoda is making me nervous. You know what they said about that family.” I replied staring straight at the Brits. “Don’t worry. We’ve got a bunch of Ukers from Kiev coming in, besides, they wouldn’t dare try anything here in daylight. They’ll wait until they get a permit. Today’s Thursday. They’ll have to wait until Monday when the “uřad’ is open. By then our Ukers will be trumps around here.”
“What,” said the man. “Surely not here? It’s so peaceful.” His wife nodded. I glanced at Mel. The mafia runs everything in this country. Problem is which mafia. The Israel, Ukraines, Russians, and even the Italians are here seeing who will get the prize.”
Mel took over, “Yeah that green car there is the mayor, he works for the Russians. He thinks he can push us around, but we got a surprise for him.”
We smiled as we watched the couple pack their caravan and speed off. We snuck off and hit the flask again. The problem was the story wasn't ’oming along. I had nothing. I wanted to know what it was like out there fighting a big one and getting him up to shore. We had to find a guide and go after a real fish. Maybe a sharp toothed needle mouthed Pike , or better yet a night sessions after a sumec. A sumec is a freak of nature that grows over two meters long and eats ducks and swans. They have even been rumored to také down a kid or two.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
delbert vs kalgonites
will make alot more sense if you've read this first:
http://www.expats.cz/prague/p-611495.html#post611495
Howdy Elmer!
What's new in Possum Pouch? Last I heard Skeet's goat had twins. Times over here just get weirder and weirder, let me tell you! I ventured into the big city again. You know every time I go there something happens. I try not to go, but these darned beerocrats always making you get something stamped and then the stamp stamped, and that super legalized, and then translated into English and back into Czechinese. It ain't believable, hardly. So I guess I better cut to the chase. I know you all is dieing to know what Delbert done done this time.
So, I was tuckered out and wanted to sit down and have a cold one and I headed up towards the Czech White House on top the hill. But I soon found a place that had Chili! Yup, claimed so anyway. Place called the Zlooty Ruse. Feller who's the fry cook is nice enough. It ain't real crowded and you can kick back and také it easy. I even got him to play some Lynard Skynard, that and a cold one, this Czech stuff called Budweiser, but believe me it ain't the same. It was that or Goat beer. I don't even want to know how they make that! Gives me the heeby Jeebies just think about it! Well I had my Chili and I'll be damned if it weren't right tolerable. Actually had some soul to it.
There was some folks in there gabbing away about the dad blamed metrosexuals. Now I'm a reasonable man, but there's a time and a place for everything and I agreed with them. It ought to be against the law! People don't need to be having sex on them things, keep your britches on til you get home I always say.
Well, I left there and started down the hill to the Metro resolved to stick a boot up the butt of the first people humping in my compartment. But the durnedest thing happened. I sat near some Americans. They must have been from up North. You know how them Yankee gals do tend to holler every time they open their mouths. You can hear them from three acres away. They was a talking about their leader. I guess they reckoned nobody else in the world but them speaks English so they can yap away about anything, no matter how appropiate. They is worse than those people with moby phones.
Anyway, they was rattling on about how they was Kalgonites and thay was planning to také over the world! I kid you not! I wadn't gonna sit still for that, so I follered them around. They said something about a saptoe and their leader, Capitain Kal. It was one of them nutty cults, like the moonies, I figured. I wanted to know more. So I adopted my double naught spy* approach and stuck to them like a dried booger.
After awhile they got out and went into an abandoned Stalin statue. I couldn't get in, but I put my ear to the base and could hear just fine. They were clever this bunch, they had somebody puke all over the place to keep anybody from listening too close, but our nations security comes first and I did my duty for the good ole US of A.
Well, it seems this devious bunch was worshipping this alien feller named Kal Korb. "Korb," I says to myself, "If that ain't sinister, I'm a shoe sniffing dirty panty licking butthead!" They asked each other some code words that I ain't devulging here. I done went to the USA embassy and reported all I know and I don't want this information to fall into the wrong hand! Well, to put it short and sweet it seems their plan is to bring the world to its Knees by destroying the English language! Yes siree the first attack is to change nouns into verbs! If that ain't underhanded enough, they plan to reduce idioms to gibberish and then destroy diction. They are working hand in hand with another sleeper cell called the oxford commission.
Dad gummit! I am an English teacher and it rips my heart to shreds to see this happening. I can't sleep at night knowing this is going on. Those Kalgonites are pure evil. They is giving us all a bad name. Well, I'm making a stand. It ain't all coming down on my watch. I intend to do all I can to stop this diabolical plot from fruiting and bringing the world to it's knees! Wait a minute, I got to say this, there's pounding at my door! Shit, they're on to me! Listen this is very important! I think the metrosexuals are in on it too! The name of the paper Kal uses to send his subliminal message There went the door. The name is weguio?Igrijhghrghurguihghhrgioiortuy8tu54uyq88rghdsjvhoiruiou4ut5909ti90i4otrjiohfuiH[DW[FU8U34UTOIJ4IO3TOAUDUFG0NFDGHJJjkhrwehgioarjeiogjikfjhio'jatiojhiojaiothijaitjyakljoirjotgug8u95j4ynjnvuhawyfhgbrei90ugqijhhOIAfieuiotkndfh{DFjgkJHOIgoiarejhyoiaoighioaoiuhatjhiotbRiohjdnvjnoedhfgiohwoith jhvfgrwuh
http://www.expats.cz/prague/p-611495.html#post611495
Howdy Elmer!
What's new in Possum Pouch? Last I heard Skeet's goat had twins. Times over here just get weirder and weirder, let me tell you! I ventured into the big city again. You know every time I go there something happens. I try not to go, but these darned beerocrats always making you get something stamped and then the stamp stamped, and that super legalized, and then translated into English and back into Czechinese. It ain't believable, hardly. So I guess I better cut to the chase. I know you all is dieing to know what Delbert done done this time.
So, I was tuckered out and wanted to sit down and have a cold one and I headed up towards the Czech White House on top the hill. But I soon found a place that had Chili! Yup, claimed so anyway. Place called the Zlooty Ruse. Feller who's the fry cook is nice enough. It ain't real crowded and you can kick back and také it easy. I even got him to play some Lynard Skynard, that and a cold one, this Czech stuff called Budweiser, but believe me it ain't the same. It was that or Goat beer. I don't even want to know how they make that! Gives me the heeby Jeebies just think about it! Well I had my Chili and I'll be damned if it weren't right tolerable. Actually had some soul to it.
There was some folks in there gabbing away about the dad blamed metrosexuals. Now I'm a reasonable man, but there's a time and a place for everything and I agreed with them. It ought to be against the law! People don't need to be having sex on them things, keep your britches on til you get home I always say.
Well, I left there and started down the hill to the Metro resolved to stick a boot up the butt of the first people humping in my compartment. But the durnedest thing happened. I sat near some Americans. They must have been from up North. You know how them Yankee gals do tend to holler every time they open their mouths. You can hear them from three acres away. They was a talking about their leader. I guess they reckoned nobody else in the world but them speaks English so they can yap away about anything, no matter how appropiate. They is worse than those people with moby phones.
Anyway, they was rattling on about how they was Kalgonites and thay was planning to také over the world! I kid you not! I wadn't gonna sit still for that, so I follered them around. They said something about a saptoe and their leader, Capitain Kal. It was one of them nutty cults, like the moonies, I figured. I wanted to know more. So I adopted my double naught spy* approach and stuck to them like a dried booger.
After awhile they got out and went into an abandoned Stalin statue. I couldn't get in, but I put my ear to the base and could hear just fine. They were clever this bunch, they had somebody puke all over the place to keep anybody from listening too close, but our nations security comes first and I did my duty for the good ole US of A.
Well, it seems this devious bunch was worshipping this alien feller named Kal Korb. "Korb," I says to myself, "If that ain't sinister, I'm a shoe sniffing dirty panty licking butthead!" They asked each other some code words that I ain't devulging here. I done went to the USA embassy and reported all I know and I don't want this information to fall into the wrong hand! Well, to put it short and sweet it seems their plan is to bring the world to its Knees by destroying the English language! Yes siree the first attack is to change nouns into verbs! If that ain't underhanded enough, they plan to reduce idioms to gibberish and then destroy diction. They are working hand in hand with another sleeper cell called the oxford commission.
Dad gummit! I am an English teacher and it rips my heart to shreds to see this happening. I can't sleep at night knowing this is going on. Those Kalgonites are pure evil. They is giving us all a bad name. Well, I'm making a stand. It ain't all coming down on my watch. I intend to do all I can to stop this diabolical plot from fruiting and bringing the world to it's knees! Wait a minute, I got to say this, there's pounding at my door! Shit, they're on to me! Listen this is very important! I think the metrosexuals are in on it too! The name of the paper Kal uses to send his subliminal message There went the door. The name is weguio?Igrijhghrghurguihghhrgioiortuy8tu54uyq88rghdsjvhoiruiou4ut5909ti90i4otrjiohfuiH[DW[FU8U34UTOIJ4IO3TOAUDUFG0NFDGHJJjkhrwehgioarjeiogjikfjhio'jatiojhiojaiothijaitjyakljoirjotgug8u95j4ynjnvuhawyfhgbrei90ugqijhhOIAfieuiotkndfh{DFjgkJHOIgoiarejhyoiaoighioaoiuhatjhiotbRiohjdnvjnoedhfgiohwoith jhvfgrwuh
New phrase!
The Czechs say a person has poet's bowel. Must have to do with the poor diet of poets, I reckon.
New phrase!
The Czechs say a person has poet's bowel. Must have to do with the poor diet of poets, I reckon.
Monday, February 18, 2008
My hike you
Del’s Hikeyou
I just seen the finest sunset! It was pink-purple-red-purple-pink!
(Now some background so this makes sense. A hikeyou is a Chinese poem that don’t rhyme nor is it got more than a couple of words in a sentence.)
(Oh yeah, my balcony faces west and town is east of here.)
Dang
Beautiful sunset.
People going.
Into town.
They don’t look back.
I just seen the finest sunset! It was pink-purple-red-purple-pink!
(Now some background so this makes sense. A hikeyou is a Chinese poem that don’t rhyme nor is it got more than a couple of words in a sentence.)
(Oh yeah, my balcony faces west and town is east of here.)
Dang
Beautiful sunset.
People going.
Into town.
They don’t look back.
a letter I got
Well, I got this note in the e-mail.
Dear Del,
I see from your picture you’re a slob. You need to lose some weight and shave and I bet you’re missing some teeth. You’re probably a tobacco addict and i bet you stink like some kind carnivore!
Signed,
Expatress who left to get away from people like you!
PS: Dále Earnhardt is dead !
NASCAR sucks!
Go back to the hills and marry your sister!
Well, miss expatress, sorry Pat couldn’t stand you none. I think I can see why though. You do get tiring mighty fast. Only took me one sentence. I don’t need to lose no weight. I eat fine and healthy. Biscuits and gravy and meat and vegetables. Grow much as I can myself. Yes, I might be a bit of a slob. I could clean around the house more, but what the hey, ain’t nobody around to tell me no different.
Why should I shave? Heck, I can sleep a good ten miutes longer everyday and I am “green” (that means I ain’t clogging up my chimney burning all those disposable plastic things) !
I don’t know how many carnies you known, but I do také a shower pretty often.
OH yeah, tobacco. Yes, I do enjoy a big ol’ plug of some chaw now and again. But, it ain’t no regular thing. I mean I think it’s OK, But, I know what you mean about them addicts. My cousin, Eliot Mayfield, he has a chaw before his feet hit the ground in the morning!
My teeth? I ain’t no horse for you to be inspecting, but I do have a chip missing from one of them. I went and said something I shouldn’t have to someone I shouldn’t have said it to. Well, that’s water under the bridge.
NASCAR sucks? It is with great saddness I am not watching the Daytona 500 tonight. But it is interesting that the Formula one world champion couldn’t even qualify. Speaks volumes really.
My sister? Well, marry her? That just ain’t right.
Shoot fire, these days I ain’t disposed to marry any ladies. They is all too skinny. I like a woman with a little meat on her bones. I want one who looks like she knows how to cook and enjoy tearing into some bar be qued ribs with corn bread and green beans and some peach cobbler with strawberry ice-cream to round it off.
But from your attitude I reckon you think I ain’t too much worth it. I’ll have you know back in the day I had honies that’s make ol’ Daisy Duke and Elly Mae Clampett jealous! All of ‘em had plenty of meat on them and you just can’t beat a halter-top and shorts!
BTW, they all had more to talk about than how the carnies smelled too!
What is it my daddy used to say? Oh yeah, now I remember, “Some gals play hard to get, some are. Some is easy and some just play that way.”
Thanks for writing Ms. Expatress
Dear Del,
I see from your picture you’re a slob. You need to lose some weight and shave and I bet you’re missing some teeth. You’re probably a tobacco addict and i bet you stink like some kind carnivore!
Signed,
Expatress who left to get away from people like you!
PS: Dále Earnhardt is dead !
NASCAR sucks!
Go back to the hills and marry your sister!
Well, miss expatress, sorry Pat couldn’t stand you none. I think I can see why though. You do get tiring mighty fast. Only took me one sentence. I don’t need to lose no weight. I eat fine and healthy. Biscuits and gravy and meat and vegetables. Grow much as I can myself. Yes, I might be a bit of a slob. I could clean around the house more, but what the hey, ain’t nobody around to tell me no different.
Why should I shave? Heck, I can sleep a good ten miutes longer everyday and I am “green” (that means I ain’t clogging up my chimney burning all those disposable plastic things) !
I don’t know how many carnies you known, but I do také a shower pretty often.
OH yeah, tobacco. Yes, I do enjoy a big ol’ plug of some chaw now and again. But, it ain’t no regular thing. I mean I think it’s OK, But, I know what you mean about them addicts. My cousin, Eliot Mayfield, he has a chaw before his feet hit the ground in the morning!
My teeth? I ain’t no horse for you to be inspecting, but I do have a chip missing from one of them. I went and said something I shouldn’t have to someone I shouldn’t have said it to. Well, that’s water under the bridge.
NASCAR sucks? It is with great saddness I am not watching the Daytona 500 tonight. But it is interesting that the Formula one world champion couldn’t even qualify. Speaks volumes really.
My sister? Well, marry her? That just ain’t right.
Shoot fire, these days I ain’t disposed to marry any ladies. They is all too skinny. I like a woman with a little meat on her bones. I want one who looks like she knows how to cook and enjoy tearing into some bar be qued ribs with corn bread and green beans and some peach cobbler with strawberry ice-cream to round it off.
But from your attitude I reckon you think I ain’t too much worth it. I’ll have you know back in the day I had honies that’s make ol’ Daisy Duke and Elly Mae Clampett jealous! All of ‘em had plenty of meat on them and you just can’t beat a halter-top and shorts!
BTW, they all had more to talk about than how the carnies smelled too!
What is it my daddy used to say? Oh yeah, now I remember, “Some gals play hard to get, some are. Some is easy and some just play that way.”
Thanks for writing Ms. Expatress
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
today
Just one newsflash today.
(Other than the Wile E Coyotes taking the shortcut across the frozen lake. It is 20 km shorter, but if your car don’t float, it might be better in the end. Now, let’s look at this thing more carefully. 20 km is like 12 miles I reckon. The way Czechs go ripping around at 100km per hour on a bad day, that’s 12 minutes extra, not even taking into account that you can’t be flying across a frozen lake at that speed. So you probably save about 8 minutes tops. Yup, got some more stále dumplings in the goolash!)
Well, I’m in an uproar like a tornado in a trailer park. It seems in DěčJčíN, this town up by the border with Germany they is having a bit of troublwe with vandals. Now, you may not know this, but Vandals is from Germany and they “sacked” Rome in 455 a.d. (I reckon it’s like T.P’ing a house.)
Well, this group have been in the cemetary a wrecking everything. People here don’t get planted so much as burnt and their ashes put in an urn. (The Englanders even play a game to win some.) Well these vandals done tore up the graveyard and was using urns as footballs. Now, the history of the Czechs and the Germans ain’t exactly been a friendly one. But this is crossing the line!
I’m all for all sorts of teaching these critters a lesson. But here you can’t just wait up with a shotgun and blast them back. So, it don’t look like much will be done.
(Other than the Wile E Coyotes taking the shortcut across the frozen lake. It is 20 km shorter, but if your car don’t float, it might be better in the end. Now, let’s look at this thing more carefully. 20 km is like 12 miles I reckon. The way Czechs go ripping around at 100km per hour on a bad day, that’s 12 minutes extra, not even taking into account that you can’t be flying across a frozen lake at that speed. So you probably save about 8 minutes tops. Yup, got some more stále dumplings in the goolash!)
Well, I’m in an uproar like a tornado in a trailer park. It seems in DěčJčíN, this town up by the border with Germany they is having a bit of troublwe with vandals. Now, you may not know this, but Vandals is from Germany and they “sacked” Rome in 455 a.d. (I reckon it’s like T.P’ing a house.)
Well, this group have been in the cemetary a wrecking everything. People here don’t get planted so much as burnt and their ashes put in an urn. (The Englanders even play a game to win some.) Well these vandals done tore up the graveyard and was using urns as footballs. Now, the history of the Czechs and the Germans ain’t exactly been a friendly one. But this is crossing the line!
I’m all for all sorts of teaching these critters a lesson. But here you can’t just wait up with a shotgun and blast them back. So, it don’t look like much will be done.
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