in the news and Czech politics

Howdy you all, been awhile I know. Things just keep me hopping like a wallabee on a waffle iron! (That’s an Australian thing. A wallabee is some kind of big ol yellow jacket. This feller from “Down asunder” told me all about it. Dang, the way he told it you’d need a baseball bat to smack one if it got into the house through the screen door.) I tell you what, they got more nasty critters down there than I care to deal with. I’ll tell you all about it in another letter cause I got more important things to talk about now.

I was intent on discussing politics, but a newsflash just caught my attention. They done captured Bat Boy’s sister! I saw it there on the front page of one of them colorful papers. Her ears ain’t as pointy though. I always knew them people was from this part of the world. I ain’t poking around in no caves in this neck of the woods! I wrote three or four letters to that paper telling them about it, but they never paid me a lick of attention no how. I guess this’ll show them!

At least that’s what I thought until I got to listening to people. It seems this lady who was 33, was passing herself off as a boy who was only 11 up there in Scabbynavalia. But get this, here’s a kicker. Before that, she was a 12 year old girl! Ain’t nobody here knows rightly what to think. Here’s the “lay-down-your-hand-partner-I’m-going-alone-in-spades-both-bars-and-rest-of-the-family” trumps! It seems a bunch of kooks was saying she was the second coming! They got them some kind of wierd church going on there! Makes them there Pentacostals look almost normal. Being a Baptist was good enough for the Peaches family since forever. It’s good enough for me.

Now, like I promised, a little bit on the politics around here. We joined the E.U. (the United Europe, they just intial it backwards, kind of like the date. Here Oct.18 ain’t 10/18, it’s 18.10. They just got to be contrary about dang near everything!) Well, now we’re part of the “Shlongenhammer” agreement. It means you can travel pretty much like back home. You know, if you want to go to Kentucky, you just cross the bridge pick up your beer on Sunday and go back home. It ain’t no big deal. If they ain’t got a good buy on Cheetoes ™ here, just cross the line to Germany and see what they got.

Now we got a strasnge systém here. In fact it’s so peculiar nobody can explain to me how it works. That’s right, nobody! First off there ain’t no King or Queen. There’s some feller a few “Orkeses” (that means county) over that is trying to claim a throne, but he ain’t having much luck. He’s fairly famous over here, kind of show business guy. Anyway, there ain’t no King, but there is a Prime Minister. Now, at first I didn’t understand what that meant. I figured he was the head Preacher in these parts. But no, that ain’t it at all. It seems he’s like the President, even though we got one of them too. Now the President don’t seem to do anything. So, it’s sort of a mutt systém between England and the USA, at least that’s how I got it figured and nobody can’t seem to explain no different.

Now, there ain’t no congress and senate, well there is a senate, but it ain’t like our senate, and I don’t know what it does except hang out at their club. The main thing seems to be the parliment. Now, there ain’t just two parties, we got about 5. And ain’t none of them able to get anything done because the others won’t join with somebody else cause somebody else they don’t like is already there. It just beats all. Heck, for awhile we didn’t have ANY government cause they couldn’t figure out how to get enough people on one side to get the thing started.

Then these guys get a bunch of free stuff. They get free gasoline, lights, and cars and all kinds of stuff. They make a ton of money, and get this. They got a bar in the building and they get drinks at half price what normal folks get at their bar! I tell you what, they might as well be Knigs and Queens cause I reckon the whole darned government is full of them! Let’s say you commit a crime and you get caught and you’re going to jailhouse. You know what you do over here? You get elected and then you get immunity which means they can't do nothing to you! It ain’t like back home where it just means you ain’t got to worry about poison ivy nomore.
On top of that it means you can have a harem! I am not kidding you one bit. It’s in all those colorful papers how all the big shots here have a harem! They even have kids by them and it ain’t no big deal.

Well that’s all for now,
Del!