Language camps

Hey y'all:

I'm at the camp, and boy is it something. There's kids from all over the country here. There's here, Lucka. she's czech, but she speaks English pretty good. Looks like they don't get out to the dentist too much over here. Her teeths as brown as cousin Billie sue's but she don't chew. I know because I asked her and she said ain't nobody chews over here. There ain't no hot water either. Knid of smells like the Knoblett clan after they been putting up hay.Well, the little'uns is right friendly. They cottoned up to me right away. I told my name was Mr. Peaches, but they could call me Delbert. They started carrying on like something else. I guess the commies only allowed them to use Mr. But they call me Mr. Peaches anyway. Sure are a respectful bunch.

There's this book they use over here, it's kind of like "meet Dick and Jane" except it's meet michal and Susan,the Prokops. I was sure I learned," The Prokop family IS eating breakfast." But this book has it,"ARE eating breakfast. There's some other mistakes too. They're always adding got after had and saying haven't got instead of don't have. And there's lot's of spelling mistakes too. But, it's in the book so I just look the other way and pretend it's o.k.

Oh boy! you'll never believe what happened last night. The guy who owns the camp is a good ole boy, his name is Lotta. Lotta what, I don't know! His brother comes over after every meal and takes the leftovers home to slop the hogs with. Lotta took me to the hospoda, that's czesky for bar. It's in the culture house. It seems every town has one. If that's culture, I ain't got no arguements with it! we started knocking down the brews and I had my dictionairy with me and the next thing you know, we is communicating like old buddies. Then some of the other boys joined us at the table. I don't remeber their names that well but there was, franta, Pavel, and Honda and some others. They taught me this game they've got these matches called "Lucky Boy" they's in a box. they don't have the paper kind. Anyway the boxes have the prettist girls on them, and they ain't wearing much either! This sure ain't Pumpkin Seed.One guy flips the box and whoever is next to him has to drink. If it lands on the back, he gets to pass, if it lands on the front you take 2 drinks. (I guess one for each hooter.) If it lands on its side, you gotta drink half of your beer. If it lands on its end, you gotta finish the beer.

WHOO DOGGIES! Let me tell you, it weren't long before I was plumb plowed under. I could see that it weren't going to end no time soon and I'd had enough. So i started to head back to camp. I didn't think to bring no flashlight but on the way they turned out all the lights. I guess there was a storm somewhere or something. I don't remeber much of what all happened, but I couldn find the bar or the camp in the dark. heck, I couldn't find my hand in front of my face for that matter. All I know was i come to and it was starting to get light and I was passed out in the door of the post office! Well, I hightailed it back to camp and crawled in my bunk. Ol' Lotta wakes up and starts jabbering at me. I just say,"Ano Ano dobry den." that's about all I know. He just smiles and rolls over.

I figured that was the end of it, but I was wrong.there's this English girl at the camp too. She ain't the most easy going person in the world either. She's always acting all uppity and smug. She says she's a feminist, but I think she just likes causing trouble. I heard one of the czechs tell another she thought Krista was a Mrcha. I looked the word up in the dictionairy and it meant carrot. I can't figure out why because Krista has black hair in a crew cut, not red hair.Maybe it's because she's a vegitarian. They's always saying here name wrong too. Whenever she comes near they always say,"Ah Kristus."At breakfast she comes over and starts calling me a damn fool and ignorant and someother stuff. That about did me in. I been putting up with her all week. She's always say erything is so phalic. (whatever that means.)I'd been steering clear of her as much as possible and hanging out with my czech friends. But this was too much, besides I wasn't feeling none to good.

I told her I didn't give a flea's fart what she thought and she just oughter shut her pie hole.This evening me and Lucka and Lotta and the cook Diter went up to the main cabin to watch some videos. The first was "The Good, Bad,and Ugly." Well, I'll be a boil on a baboons butt if ole Clint wasn't speaking czesky! I didn't know he could do that but then I see that it wasn't him at all. They've got this one guy who reads all the parts, even the girls. And he reads real slow and with out emotion. This was real funny when we got to see the stag film.Well wouldn't you just know it. At this point in comes Krista just a fuming and a huffing and puffing. She started on me first, but I just kept my trap shut. You know what ol' sweettater Johnson says," Ain't no use getting in a shouting match with a deaf man. (cept krista would make me say deaf person. She's always telling us how bad we're treating the women, but I never hear any of THEM complaing. We usually are having a good time.) Anyway she's telling me how I ought to be setting an example of western something or the other.Then she starts in on Lucka saying she shouldn't be participating in expolding women. I din't see no women exploding, just that guy who exploded all over that gal. I ain't never going to forget that. reminds me of the time ol' Miss breckenridges mule went crazy and was humping that rug she left on the fence. As matter of fact the only woman close to exploding was Krista, she was as red as can be.

Then Lucka told her to,"DřzHudba." I looked it up, it means hold your music. Krista just stomped out of there in a tizzy.There's only a couple of days left at the camp then I got to decide if I want to stay or not. Ain't much happening in Pumkin Seed and I like it here. I just hope there ain't too many more days like today, I don't know if I could survive it.

Take care,Your pal,

Delbert