News round up

The news from the 31st of Jan, 2008

The Prima Report


Not the Freshest Rohlik in the Bin


Sometimes people just deserve to be in the bighouse. Most of them are onery cusses who’d as soon kill you for a shot of Fernet than tell you it’s five minutes until a quarter to two, but some of them fellers is plain old dumber than a box of nightcrawlers.
Well, anyways, last night these jailbirds was on the news all bigheaded about how they could get “cell” phones (get it! That’s a knee slapper) when they wanted and that there was more drugs than outside. They even let the cameraman také pictures of them with the stuff.

Well, you’ll never guess what happened today. Yup, the police weren’t too happy and in they went and searched it all over.

What was that Stephen King Story?
This poor old guy fell in a cardboard cutting machine. They ain’t sure how it happened. The thing that’s spooky is only a little while back another guy fell in a plastic shredder. Makes you wonder, don’t it?

CTV 1

Step Up to the Plate Somebody!

This burns my butt like a Halaburno hotdog! In Ceska Lipa something happened to a German Shepard and he was in a lot of pain and near death. So, everybody phones a vet, but all the vets got full waitting rooms and can’t make it. There this dog is in agony and all the folks is just standing around thinking how bad it is. They are all in an uproar that the vet can’t just skeedaddle on over. In the mean time the poor dog is in agony. Them folks was just going on about how those terrible vets wouldn’t do nothing. I guess nobody thought that it might be better to také the matter into their own hands and shoot the poor critter, or wring its neck, or maybe smack it in the head with a hammer. Well, maybe if it had been a Czech Shepard they’d have done it. Can’t really blame them for not liking Germans.

NOVA
Ceska Lipa again!

Seems there a wave of car theft there. The police haven’t caught nobody yet though.

Merciful heavens!
Seems in these parts you get into trouble with money and they up and sic the execuce on you! I ain’t pulling your leg. And after you get execuce’ed, they také everything you had left! This is true and I ain’t never borrowing nothing again!