News of the weekend

Well, Hey there!

Once again I write to you all. That is called redundant it means to say something that don’t need to be said. Or in the Untied Kingdom, it means you done been put on the dole. On the dole is a way of saying you is out of work , in US English. I think the British say something about sucking on the teet of something.

Sorry, had to put a little lesson in there. I hear there’s a job opening up on one of the papers for an English writer to tell all about how to speak English. I would like to tackle that job.

Anyways, what is in the news? Some strange goings on today. It seems Casper was seen in Prague in the castle!! It was on the news. He was seen by a whole bunch of people. But I heard something about the presidet’s son too. I guess Casper scared him. I hope they all know that casper is a friendly ghost!

Then the thing that perplexed me the most. It seems that the Paris Hilton came to Prague! It really knocked my socks off. I had to go see it myself. There is an Effiel Tower here, so i figured the moved the Hilton too. I never saw nothing though. I was in this restaurant having a beer when i heard some people say the Paris Hilton was coming! I got up and moved toward the window, but all I could see was a bunch of reporters looking at the restauarant. Then I turned around and bumped into this skinny little gal. I guess she slipped and I tried to catch her, but she fell down. She started crying and then she ran off with her feller. I tried to say i was sorry, but I didn’t have a chance.

Mr, mus

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Anonymous said...
As a new Aussie expat in Prague, I have found your blog intriguing. Do you have any sage tips and advice for surviving this place? I feel like your advice would be more useful than anything that I may care to read on expats.cz.With love,Aussie Expat
March 28, 2008 6:29 PM

Well, the number one tip is this: It ain't Kansas, toto. Grit your teeth and get used to it. You're going to have bad days. But now it's Spring and everything is nice and skirts are getting shorter!

Drinking at 6am ain't frowned upon, so go for it!

When you gotta go to an Urad, take some kind of elephant dart like they use to put them to sleep with. Stick it in your neck before you open the door.

time and space realtionships

Well, it’s good to sit down and let you all know what’s new. You remember that there film gumball rally or something with Bert Reynolds, Don Deluise, Jakie Chan, Bond 007, and of course Farah Faucet!!!????? I don’t know what in the heck they’re up to here, but everyday it’s just carnage and more of it. They had a big ol’ demolition derby on the main road, D-1.

Other than that ain’t been a whole lot going on. Except this, I was sitting there in my rocking chair, rocking away like I always do just as long as it’s possible without some damned busybody coming a long and trying to make me do something I’d rather not. Things like work and shopping and cleaning and so on drive me nuts sometimes!

It was like Ol’ Aunt Slyvester used to always go on about getting off my butt and going somewhere. Well, I realized I am going somewhere. And pretty durned fast too.

So, We’re going around in circles like about 1,000 miles per hour. Earth is about 23,000 or so miles around, depending wher you want to wrap the tape. Kind of like some women folk I know. That tape can make a bit of difference. So, it’s like you’re flying around in a giant tilt-a-whirl, only you’re outside the cage being stuck to it! It’d take a nascar car about 5 days to go that far.
Dang, that’s a scary picture flying around that fast on a big ol’ ball. BUT then we is going around in big Ol’ circles around the Sun at 67,000 mph! So now we’re going around and around; and around another thing! We’re into double tilt-a-whirl terroritory now! (Maybe with a side order of corn dog, elephant ear, and a Pabst!)

Like that ain’t enough, we’re going around the galaxie at 1.34 million miles per hour! Now, triple tilt-a-whirl in Three dimensions (and some Italian sausages on top) But going so fast as this. The sun is like 93 million miles away. That’s so darned far It’s like like 186,000 Indianapolis 500’s. Now here’s what’ll knock your hat off: Light can go that far in 8 minutes! That’s right, minutes. You do the summnations and figure out how far it could go in a year!!! So now we is going in circles around something that’s also going round.
Now they say on top of that, we is shooting straight out of the middle of the universe. So we are on the most God awful twirl and hurl ride ever invented, and it’s being shot out of a cannon at !!

Then, like I needed more, I find out there’s these things called Newtrinos that are flying out of the Sun and they pass straight through you! Like A white castle sack of burgers and some onion rings, except these newtrinos just don’t even slow down that much! They say there’s all kinds of them doing it every second. You know, I can’t wait to get my danged sports channels back on because this stuff is making me crazy. So, I ain’t even solid? I’m being shot clean though by newtrinos and some other kinds of light too, who knows how many times a second and flying through space in 4 different directions at once, and you wonder why I get a little turned around once and awhile? Tarnation it’s a wonder I don’t just off and hit the fan so to speak.
But don’t nobody ever tell me about sitting on my rear and never going anywhere no more! Nor about wasting no time and don’t even get me started on that. That’s a whole ‘nother direction we’re flying through

howdy

I hope everybody had a fun Easter. I hope to get some new posts done soon. I took on a second job so i don't have so much time at the moment.

This is a "bump" of an easter post

Dear Fast Ed and the boys at the Sunoco,It's finally Spring over here. It's planting time and I'm helping out some of the boys when I get some free time. Those boys go pretty much round the clock when it's time to go. The tractors over here is bout the same as ours. Some of the boys even got themselves deeres. So things are a hoppin here in Mozkojedy. My job teaching at the farm school is going just fine. Evenings pretty much finds me sitting at U Bricho, ain't nothing else to do round here.All the tv is in Czech and it's about the damnedest language there is. Well, more about that later, I don't want to get all worked up into a dander now. A couple of folks here gots a dish on their house, but it don't pick up TNN, CMT, PTL, or even ESPN 10. What they do pick up is all in some other language that I cain't make heads or tails of.Well, last weekend was Easter Monday. Yup, you heard me right, Easter Monday! It is the most heathen thing on earth too. I was in bed for two days afterwards. I like to never got through the day teaching. Of course the students was pretty quiet, heckfire some of them was worse off than me, if that's possible. I was as pale as a preacher caught poking a pony. I just went home and lay in bed a moaning and a groaning, couldn't hold nothing down niether. It was just an all around misery.Now, I swears what I'm gonna tell you is the gospel truth. We do the holiday on Monday, but we don't even go to church! That ain't no problem with me though. You see, alls we got is a catholic church. There ain't no Hellfire's Awaiting Antiot Baptist Churches in my burg.All the same the boys from the Bricho drag me out of bed at 7:00 in the morning. Well, I sure as the hell weren't none too happy about about it niether.But the boys was smiles all around. Ain't none of these boys speak English beyond ,"Delbert," and , "That's for Del" (Dopr Deli) . My lessons at the Bricho don't seem to be sinking in none too well, but of course I ain't exactly rattling off the ol cesko myself. Damned thing is we seem to understand eachother while we're there.Well anyway, the boys was all standing around grinning like possums eating persimmons with these long switches in their hands all strung out with ribbons. Then they pull me out of the door. If I'd a known wahat was going to follow, I'd a broke free and hid in bed all day. We head over to the first neighbors the Gott's. So we knock on the door and waltz right on in like we owned the place. Didn't even take our shoes off like you normally got do like you was in Japan or something. The boys start grabbing the women folk and hiding them real good and hollering"Hady, Hady co pro vody." I think it means the snake is looking for water. Then the gals gives us all an egg! Hell, if I'd pulled something like that back home, I figure I'd get some rock salt in the hindquarters. Then they offer us a half a sandwich. (They's pretty poor over here still and can't afford to put bread on both sides.) Then the men folk poor us each a shot of something or the other. Some stuff called Becker's over and Furnyet. They call 'em appertites. I reckon so, anything to get that taste out of your mouth.Then there was all the usuals, vodka, something called room, There is also this vice drinks, plum vice, peach vice, and cherry vice. They is right, it is about like putting your head in a vice. Well ain't no sooner we all poured outa one door we stumbled right into another. This kept a going on and on. Finally we get to Tonda's house. ( They call him Tonda on account of that's about what he weighs. But, boy can he put down the beer!) We spanked all they women and his Granny gave us some Gulash .I was really looking forward to something warm, those sandwiches are ok, but when a man's a drinking like that; he needs a full stomach of something substancial. It was called serengetti gulash. I reckon because it was so dry. To look at it you'd think it was Dinty Moore's beef stew, but with no taters. That's a shame, cause I'd really have liked something I could chew up. It was kinda like beef jerky. You keep chawing on it, but you don't really get nowhere. I reckon somebodies cow keeled over from old age last week.So then we was off for more spankin and drinkin. I wanted to go home, but the boys weren't having none of it. They kept on draggin me from house to house. Now what follows is what I remember because it stands out. I'm sure there was some more stuff, but I just can't recolect too well. About the last thing I remember, well Hell, ain't never gonna forget this one. Was the Klause's. (No relation to Santa, ha ha) There's this onery ol cuss named older .lives in the village and he joined us going up the drive. Older was about three sheets in the wind. We all went in and commenced to the spankin. There was the granny, an aunt, Mrs. Klause and their daughter Sharka. Sharka is a real mean one. She's always screaming and yelling at everybody. You can hear her all night long. Older gets ready for his turn and bends her over the couch and yanks up her skirt! He proceeds to spank her for a bit and then the old fool drops his drawers! No telling what the idiot was thinking, but you knnow the saying about drinking,"you might et Julie, But you ain't shakin your spear." You'll never believe what happened next. The dumbass just cuts loose and starts peeing on her butt!I was waiting for Klaus to just tear into him and kill the old jackass, but Klaus was just rolling on the floor laughing! About this time sharka showed her teeth. I guess she'd been in shock up till now. She reared up and caught Older with a right and dropped him in his tracks. Well, it weren't hardly fair, the old guy had this pants hanging down to his knees and couldn't have gotten away if he'd wanted to. He lay there a spouting like a fleur de lee!Sure wasn't any of us coulda helped him. We was all just busting our guts laughing. Finally Mrs. Klaus and the Aunt muscle Sharka in the next room and we all get on aout of there. Finally I convinced the boys it might be a good idea to call it a day. Yeah, call it a day and it weren't even noon yet.The village looked like some sort of secret weapon had went off. The men was staggering all over the place. Some of them was even sleeping on the sidewalk. I got home, but it weren't no use. I couldn't get the key in the lock so I headed toward the hospoda. I was shanghied by Alex's wife first. She was yelling and screaming like something was really wrong, and it was. Next thing you know Alex comes staggering out of the house. His face was redder than Zeman's nose. ( That's what the locals say, I ain't sure what it means.) And there was yellow and white stuff oozing out of his head. Scared the hell right out of me. I figured he done busted his head wide open and the brains were coming out. I tried to help, but when I got closer I noticed it weren't his brains at all, but Tater salad! Seems Alex passed right out in a big ol platter of deep fried pork chops fresh from the fryer. Well that lit a fire under him, so to speak. He panicked and didn't know what to do, and the first thing he saw was the tater salad so he stuck his head in the whole bowl to try and cool his face off.As soon as I realized he was going to live, I headed back to the bar. Next thing I knowed I seen older laying out front of his place moaning and groaning. Sharka only got him once, but he was looking like he'd been tenderized! He was all over black and blue. Then out from a bush leaps this banshee just a wailing and shrieking at me holding a frying pan. It was Older's wife. Seems somehow she found out about Older and Sharka and wasn't none too pleased. As I closed in on the bar I see something else laying around. The hospoda sits at the bottom of a long hill. Goats are kept in this field to keep the hill clean. There's some houses at the top of the hill, a church, and a park.. What ever it was in the field was all covered in green and brown, kind of like one of them soldier of fortunes. I got closer and saw it was Fanta. He'd been up at the park going home and decided to have one more and took the short cut through the goat pasture. He must've slipped on a goat pie on the top and tumbled down the whole way getting grass stains on him and hitting quite a few more pies on the way down. I sure wasn't going to help him so I went on in to the bar. Next year I am for certain staying home and sleeping.

howdy

I'm on vacation this week.