fixed the time problem, posts back in order

seems to have ironed itself out somehow

Chuck Norris

Seems, Mr. Ranger has come over here to eat some carp and celebrate Christmas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDHcYb4xTgQ&feature=related

Time trouble

First and foremost, why did I make a post on Dec. 10 and it's not even DEC. yet? I thought I made it back in october, before I made the post for the second part of the story, but dangit, the date is there for all to see. So, now i must wonder, did I travel in time, or did my blog?

I can't recall Dec. yet. I can't remember a lottery number or even a darned football score. If I had traveled time, i think I would have remembered something that was going to happen! I'd soon be rich like i planned in the future which is why I went here to do something for some reason that will be important. (maybe to fix that caps lock key.)

Since I can't remember the future, the blog must have traveled time which explains the font size problems too. Probably some scrambling plan from those people it traveled time to thwart upon.
I only hope it all works out in the end. I am honored my blog got choosed for time travel.

Now, still time related, I have discovered a major time flaw that is messing up civilization to no uncertain terms. Maybe this is why my blog traveled time to warn me about this? Time to go viral before it's too late! Y2K was stopped! We can stop this time warping too and get celebrations back in snyc to the future and the past.

Look, a regular year has got 365 days, but once every 4 years, there's 366. That means every four years, holiday have to move one day! over 40 years, that's 10 days! I thought I had my birthday last week, but did I? NO! I had it before then by a week or two! When is Christmas?
Easter should stay the same as it is not so mixed up, nor Thanksgiving. But the 4th of July is always the 4th, but is it the anniversary?

Let's see about Christmas. 2,010 years divied into 4 be 502.5. that half a day is going to be a problem, but I reckon we could just celebrate it at lunch time instead on the morning. 502.5 is more than a year, so we are off there, but the important thing is the month. It works out to 137.5. What is Dec. 25 minus 137.5? about 220.5 which means this year Christmas fell for real on Aug. 8th. I hope you all had a merry christmas!

Sammy Pumpkinseed Two, the final harvest.

There she was, with the Great Pumpkin Head on her. Nobody could hear what she was trying to yell out, and by the time somebody thought to whack that thing with a stick, we already knowed what was next. (BTW, whacking Lucy's head with the stick broke the curse and the Great Pumpkin Head fell to pieces giving Lucy back to us, but a bit dazed.)

Then it began to rain pumpkins. They came flying in from everywhere causing everybody to flee, because if you think getting whopped upside the head by a pumpkin don't hurt, then you ain't none too bright. A pumpkin explodes goo and seeds when it impacts a solid surface. Picture this orange seedy slime dripping and running down everything as more and more came down from the sky! The moon was blotted out by the pumpkins.

There was a roar as the wind picked up, and picked up pumpkin pieces, pulverizing them into a puree of pulp and plastering it into every nook and cranny. Plumton was orange. The purple was gone and orange pumpkin puke left the town in slime. The people shuffled off homeward in paralysis.

The next day it was a wondrous white! It had snowed and the earliest winter in that part of the country began. The Pumpkin was gone and all were happy. The kids snapped their orange crayons at school and purple and white were named the official town colors. All was fine until the thaw came.

Everyone wondered what became of the Pumpkinseed family. They had vanished after the harvest Plum Festival, or that was what people hoped. As the snow melted, instead of green sprouts, there was the remains of the Pumpkin pummeling. The Pumpkinseed family emerged from the farm house enmasse. They danced through the streets in costumes of orange and they smelled of rotted Pumpkins, and all the good people fled. The Peaches fled into Peaches valley and the Plums went to their hollow. People ran to the knobs and everywhere, but the smell hung over the countryside for weeks.

Then as spring sprang into it's splendid surprise of springness, horror gripped Plumton. The Plum trees failed to bloom. As did the Peaches, Pears, Apples and even the corn didn't sprout. But one thing was growing everywhere. Yes, you guessed it, it was PUMPKIN!
All the seeds germinated and pumpkins grew from the forks in trees, cracks in fences, and some say on turtles.

The people of Plumton abandoned the new town and scattered like dandelion fluff in a spring breeze, but much more noisy and dandelion fluff doesn't curse Pumpkinseeds the entire time they're scattering either. The new town of Pumpkinseed was established on the ruins of the one before it. The ones who stayed were doomed to a life of Orange. This tale is passed down by those of us who remain to recall the time it was Plum Paradise here, and may be once again.

Sammy Pumpkinseed, a stranger to none, fiend to all.

I'll tell this here tale like it's told in the shows and in the book and leave my own style out of it. It'd be hard to improve none on such a fine piece of history.



Once upon a time, in a land that seems far away now, but isn't if you're closer to it, there lived a man named Sammy. There were other men with different names and women and girls and boys too. But we're here to talk about Sammy Pumpkinseed. Today all the folks know about Sammy Pumpkinseed, but back in those days the name Pumpkinsed was still respected and wholesome. Sammy and his family owned a bit of land in that area of Indiana known as Plum valley and Plum hills.

One fine spring day when the Plum trees were in full blossom, the folks in that area decided to come together and they built a school and a church and had themselves a proper town. They decided to call it Plumton, and have a spring festival when all the plum trees are in bloom, and a fall festival when the Plum "Juice" was done. That was the plan for Plum Paradise and everyone was happy. Everyone that is except, Sammy Pumpkinseed!

Sammy was furious and nearly orange with rage! He vowed revenge on the happy residents of Plumton.
He rode into town and up the stairs of the church and reared his horse up and shouted,"People hear me! The Pumpkinseds have made this place what it is today! We demand you name this town out of respect for us!"

"What?" shouted back one of the crowd. "You bunch of pumpkinseeds is a bunch of orange trash. You got carriages on blocks of wood everywhere around your "farm". Are you ever going to fix them? Or are you waiting for them to grow wheels/!"
Then another one joined in,"If they did, that'd be the only thing yous ever growed! How's the rock crop this year?" Then another,"Go pump a pumpkin!"

A hush crashed down on the crowd like thunder from a feather. Only the stars in the sky can count how many schoolyard fights that had started over those words, and to say them to a Pumpkinseed was sure trouble. The crowd pulled back quickly from the one who had hurled that epitaph. Sammy was reaching for his gun when the sheriff rode into the arena.

"Now you just that back in it's holster there Sammy Pumpkinseed! You just get back home until you've cooled down. You've got Pumpkinseed Knob named after your bunch, just like the Peaches got Peaches Valley. Your family may be populace, but since you all live in one farm house, it ain't like your influence is widespread. Everything's going fine around here. We're all happy and if youse and yourse don't like it, just head on down the pike!"

A thunderous like applause broke out for the sheriff! (Thunderous for the 20 people who were there.) Sammy Pumpkinseed rode off vowing his revenge.

Time passed in Plumton and the summer had been a good one. The harvest had been gathered and the Plum juice was at full boil. It was time for the harvest fling. It was held under the Harvest moon. There was plum pies, plum cakes, peach cobbler and peach "juice" too from the Peaches family. A lot of the men folk had been lucky and there was deer roasting, rabbits baking, and fish frying. Everybody had on purple clothes and they were all exceedingly polite to one another, using perfect English like the teacher had taught them to use.

Then as the evening turned to dusk they crowned Miss Plum. Just as Juicy, er I mean Lucy Peaches was accepting her flowers, all the lanterns went out and the candles too. Some even say cigars and pipes went out. Juicy screamed, and then her screams turned to barely perceptible, high pitched, squeaks. In the commotion, somebody lit a torch and the crowd let out a collective ,"eeeeeew!" Lucy Peaches was standing there with a Pumpkin Head! Not just any Pumpkin Head, but a likeness of the Great Pumpkinhead!

(to be continued)
(c) 2010

Football, or soccer, or something

Well, I went and saw a "football" game the other day. I was told it was football. It wasn't. Well, I guess on a technicality it was football, cause they ain't allowed to use their hands, unless they is the goalkeeper. BUT it ain't NFL football not nothing like it. I seen on the eurosport, sort of a europian ESPN, a game called Rugby. It is sort of like football, except all of 'em get in a big huddle and sort of hug each other and move around and then the ball comes out and then there's a bit of action.
Now this "football" they have over here is what we call soccer. I never saw a game in America, but I hear over there in the USA it's kind of popular for girls to play in the bigger towns and cities. I hear they've even got soccer moms and they've got something called a soov.

The game was something else. I never seen the likes of it. If one feller brushed up against the other, then that feller that was brushed up against proceeded to flop around on the ground like a bluegill on the bank. Then if the brusher managed a good enough brush and the brushee, or flopper, impressed the referee with his performance the brusher gets a card. There's two kinds a yellow, and a red card. I ain't sure what they mean, but the fans get real excited when the referee whips one out, so they must be something special.

The fans is something else too. They was setting fires everywhere and throwing railroad flares, and throwing smoke bombs! It was real difficult to watch the game. But then again, they game wasn't much anyway, the card awards not withstanding. Every once in awhile, somebody would kick a ball and and make it bounce off some other players head. That was always good for a laugh. The guy would freeze up when he saw the ball coming and just like a possum in the headlights, he'd stick his head out and WHAP! that ball would hit him square in the head. That was a real hoot. But all in all it was a let down. I kind of suspect they was doing it on purpose.

There's no cheerleaders, no tailgating with Bar B Q, no helmets, no danger on the field, but in the stands that's a different story! And it ain't a real manly game.Why, they tried to kick field goals, but they can't kick high enough so they kick it into a cage on the ground! The comic relief from the fish flops and the head whallops just ain't enough to make it all worth it though.

Apples, What's the deal with them?

OK, I"m watching this show about wormholes. I thought it's be about nightcrawlers, but it ain't. It's about a "subway between galaxies".
Anyway, they call them wormholes because of apples. Then there's that newton feller who invented the catflap and got famous for getting bopped on the head by an apple while being lazy under a tree. Maybe he was pondering about a new pet invention, so I'll excuse the laziness. Then he figures out it fell down instead of just hung around there, or flew up in the air. That set him to wondering why?
Seems he was the first to question such a thing and now he's famous for asking a question any durned fool could have thought up, if they'd have bothered.
Anyway it was an apple that done that too!
Then God kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden for eating ....... an apple!
Now it's getting spooky. Then there's halloween and carmel apples, Johnny Appleed!

(note: The peaches are from Pumpkinseed, and Sammy Pumpkinseed ain't so well known as Johnny, but they done the same thing more or less. I'll tell that story nearer to Halloween.)

New York is the "Big Apple"

And today was the first day of school and the younun's brought me... APPLES!

I'm going to have to google this and get to the bottom of this apple thing!

Chexican food and podebrady

Well, been awhile. I do apologize, but I sure have been busy. Today I had me some Chexican food. I’m teaching a course in a town called “Under the Ford” I reckon way back when there must have been a filling station here. I guess when “Uncle Joe” was running things it was “Podelada.” But now the commie scum has been driven out of the country, so they changed the name back to Podebrady.

This town is what they call a spa town, like French Lick back home. The waters is supposed to cure what ails you, so they claim. I ain’t tried any yet, but the beer seems to be safe enough, although a bit too heavy. There’s this one beer called “Holegarden” and it’s darned near as good as Pabst, but with less taste. Then there’s this “Stella Arthritis” beer. I guess it’s made from the spa water, but it is pretty tasteless too. I guess if it cures arthritis, it ain’t all bad. But, that’s the only redeeming feature I see in it.

Well, it’s been hotter than a Habanero dipped in Dumbass ™ sauce! Durned fools still haven’t figured out how to put a screen in the windows! The first night I was here (I ain’t pulling your leg neither) I opened my window after dark and within 10 minutes there was over a thousand flies, gnats, no-see-um’s and skeeters in my room!

And if that ain’t bad enough, they believe air conditioning is evil. They claim it’s the work of the western capitals. The doctors even come on tv warning people they’ll die if they go into an air conditioned room and it’s too cold. (But then the same docs say in winter it’s healthy to exercise in sub-zero temperatures. They don’t even see the irony in this.)

No about them western capitals. I ain’t no fan of California or los angelous either, but A/C ain’t to be blamed on them. We had a window unit in the trailer and I ain’t never been no further west than the Mississippi. And no Peaches ever died from it neither.

Back to my point, There’s a “Mexican” restaurant across the street, just upstairs from the undertaker. I’ll put up a picture when I get home. I went and tried it, and well I was a bit disappointed. They didn’t have no Margaritas, nor nachos, not even Tacos! It was a far cry from Taco Bell ™ !

The service wasn’t much neither. They was so darned lazy they made you roll your own FayJeetas! If I had a wanted them in different parts, I’d have said so! Dangit! I want my food ready to eat! And the three sauces weren’t nothing much. I guess I accidently got the children’s version. The only time I broke a sweat was when I saw the bill!

You know what just took the cake? No yellow cheese! No cheddar, American, or even velveeta ™! They only have white cheese and goat cheese there! Tarnation they should make these folks spend a month at Taco Bell ™ so they learn what real Mexican food is supposed to taste like! It should be required before opening a foreign restaurant in a foreign country what in the heck you’re trying to cook!

Karl Gott was on Hee Haw! (was Herr Gott a nula nula sedm spion?)

Well, Howdy all. I reckon this is a shock to you all as well as to me, but i was watching the WHAS tv 11 flashback video
http://www.whas11.com/video?id=94620569&sec=553467
Which this blog thingamigjigger may or may not link to in straight forward manner.
It's at minus 1:36 which is a backassward way of telling time, but it is a kentucky station, so that's how it is.

Now, I've already written about Herr got here, so for more info, find that post. I can remember when I was a youngun and haven'to stand on they barn with an antennae wire up my coveralls and holden on to a piece of sheet metal to get the signal so's my folks and granny could watch Hee Haw on WHAS tv 11. It weren't until Delvita was born and grew up that I was able to watch and she went up on the barn. Them was happy times.
You can go to you tube I reckon and see some more of hee haw.

What I don't understand is how the Herr Gott got out of the country when the commies was holding the keys? Was he a nula nula sedm spion? I noticed they just called him a "European country singer" which ain't what nobody else called him around these parts! They called him Carol! That's a knee slapper. Those folks was always pulling fast ones, especially ol' Jr. Samples!
BR549, ROTFSMK!

My newest link for my heroes. A personal one.

Yup, I used to be a lifeguard at the Pumpkin Center community lake. This guy is my hero.

LeRoy Colombo
(12/23/1905—7/12/1974)

Lifeguard

LeRoy Colombo of Galveston, Texas, was a champion long-distance and endurance swimmer and lifeguard. He is credited with saving 907 lives, a feat formerly listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. Stories about his incredible feats in rescuing victims of disasters, both on sea and land, became part of local lore. Was Colombo treated like a hero? Hardly. A grateful dog owner gave him $25 for rescuing her poodle from drowning; an elderly woman gave him $30 for retrieving her false teeth from the surf. What about gratitude for rescuing humans? Well, a father gave him two cans of beer for rescuing his two daughters from drowning. After seeing Colombo rescue a newsboy, bystanders took up a collection, totaling $1.00. Nothing stopped him, though. After being forced to retire at age 62 because of a heart condition, he continued to swim every day, practically until the day of his death, always on the alert for anyone who needed rescuing—grateful or not

http://www.deafpeople.com/history/history_info/colombo.html

I went to the hospital and boy was it something.

Well, I see it’s been awhile, much too long. I got my reasons and they are worth hearing about. I ain’t finished this yet cause I’m writing my hospital. I reckon they nurse’ll be along at any second to give me another infusion, and they ain’t fun. I’ve got a plug hooked into my arm so they just along and plug me into a plastic bag and it takes a couple of hours for it to fill me up.I don’t know what all is in it, but it wears me out and make me feel a bit lightheaded. Probably got some slivervice in there. They use it for everything else. Then there’s the handful of pills. They look like those Smarties sour candies. Their supposed to help me sleep and not feel no pain. But they make my head spin so much I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or dreaming about sleeping or even which end is even up.But to start back at the start.
My trigger finger was getting swollen up and a strange looking thing was growing on it, maybe a wart. But I ain't been near a toad in ages. I heard duct tape will cure them and I wish I had tried, but this thing was growin pretty quick and even slivervice weren’t helping none, so you know it was bad. I tried applying it from the outside and the inside.So I went to visit Dr. Raw, the surgeon. Actually, he doubles as local bone-setter too. He’s the only act in town if you need cutting or casting. As I walking up the stairs, I hear a little girl screaming in pain and the hair on back stood straight up like a cat! The I got to the top of the stairs and was relieved to notice the screams were coming from the other side. It was short lived though, that’s where the eye doctor was!

I sat down and waited with the other folks and it was quieter than a church on Monday. The folks was all looking around kind of avoiding looking at anyone. Then a homeless feller walked in, kind of shuffling his feet. As luck would have it, he sat right next to me. I reckon he was trying to get in out of the cold, it was –10 out, but I was sweating bucketfuls!

Then it was my turn. He asked me some questions but he was in a hurry so he was speaking too fast for a foreigner to have a hope. Then he took me into the next room and numbed up the finger by shooting it 5 times right in the tenderest nerves he could find. Like I said, he was in a hurry so he wasted no time for them injections to work. He sliced that thing off in a heartbeat and then saw it was growing under the nail too.

You remember Great Uncle Levi telling us about how the Japs captured him and tried to make him talk? Well, I know what he went through. Doc Raw then decided I need a shot up under my fingernail all the way to the first knuckle. I thought I was going to holler like a loose fan belt, but then he brought out the pliers and ripped the fingernail off right by the roots! I bit down so hard my teeth got pushed up into my gums and I’m still havin trouble chewing my food. Then he moved on to the next victim, er patient. He made me keep on laying there for 15 minutes until I could gather my wits back. I happened to glance over at the tray next to me and there it was, my fingernail with some meat still attached.

I Had to go back the next day and the nurse just unwound that that thing as quick as she could, only taking a breather to watch me putting fingernail holes into the windowsill. When thing got down to the last two layers where the blood had dried holding it on to all them nerves I just about lost it. If the Japs had tried that one on old uncle Levi, I bet he'd have talked!

So now I’m in the hospital trying to get my back straightened out. Went to Dr. Heddi in town, but she just used me as a pincushion trying different concoctions,, but they didn’t work. I gave up on it

The foods not too good, what there is of it. I can’t complain, I ain’t none too hungry for food anyhow. My neighbor’s so bad the nurses have offered me sleeping pills so I don’t have to listen to him whine all night. That kinda pisses me off since I done went and bought the first class package, a private room so as not to have to put up with this kinda of crap. There goes my back again! Thanks Commarade Sperk!. Also the art is kind of lame. I don’t know who bought it, but I reckon he’s somebody’s relation that needed a job. In my room there’s a big photo, 24x48 big,

Of a little black in pigtails, holding an empty can of white paint upside down over her head. I can’t figure out what the heck it is. Somebody made money on it too, that’s the worst thing about it.

This ain't near the end, so wait for part two.

Czechski do to ho

Beat them Lativans.

Hey Google!

I want to thank you for making my life a living Hell by changing my accounts around and my passwords that I've had for years.