Football, or soccer, or something

Well, I went and saw a "football" game the other day. I was told it was football. It wasn't. Well, I guess on a technicality it was football, cause they ain't allowed to use their hands, unless they is the goalkeeper. BUT it ain't NFL football not nothing like it. I seen on the eurosport, sort of a europian ESPN, a game called Rugby. It is sort of like football, except all of 'em get in a big huddle and sort of hug each other and move around and then the ball comes out and then there's a bit of action.
Now this "football" they have over here is what we call soccer. I never saw a game in America, but I hear over there in the USA it's kind of popular for girls to play in the bigger towns and cities. I hear they've even got soccer moms and they've got something called a soov.

The game was something else. I never seen the likes of it. If one feller brushed up against the other, then that feller that was brushed up against proceeded to flop around on the ground like a bluegill on the bank. Then if the brusher managed a good enough brush and the brushee, or flopper, impressed the referee with his performance the brusher gets a card. There's two kinds a yellow, and a red card. I ain't sure what they mean, but the fans get real excited when the referee whips one out, so they must be something special.

The fans is something else too. They was setting fires everywhere and throwing railroad flares, and throwing smoke bombs! It was real difficult to watch the game. But then again, they game wasn't much anyway, the card awards not withstanding. Every once in awhile, somebody would kick a ball and and make it bounce off some other players head. That was always good for a laugh. The guy would freeze up when he saw the ball coming and just like a possum in the headlights, he'd stick his head out and WHAP! that ball would hit him square in the head. That was a real hoot. But all in all it was a let down. I kind of suspect they was doing it on purpose.

There's no cheerleaders, no tailgating with Bar B Q, no helmets, no danger on the field, but in the stands that's a different story! And it ain't a real manly game.Why, they tried to kick field goals, but they can't kick high enough so they kick it into a cage on the ground! The comic relief from the fish flops and the head whallops just ain't enough to make it all worth it though.