Happy New year!!!

Yee Haww! I'm in the mood. Getting ready o out and shoot of more fireworks than the 4th of July!!!
Happy sylvester!!!!

More of Heather Pts 4,5,6,

Well, that's pt 4 anyway. And now five.

And 6

I found this on exsplats

I reckon I ought to warn the carpmongers, but as I is a fisherchlap too, I reckon they'll be ok. They didn't say which stall they was attacking neither. I wouldn't mind seeing the show!

I came across this and thought I'd share it with you too.



Part 1



part 2

part 3

SPLAT special legal parliamentary action team

I ran across these fellers when I was in a coffee shop in praho. I tried to get it just like they said.
It was a bunch of them exsplatters and they was all in a huff about forming a splat group to change things around here. Here's a link, if you don't believe me!

http://www.expats.cz/prague/t-259182.htm

Bear grease

Just got through watching that Bear grease show on discovery. That feller just survived in Alabama. Tarnation, he sure does make it hard on himslef. Is this one of them there shows where you get voted off it looks like you got half a brain and know how to walk down a hill?
I was slapping my knee and rolling on the floor and durn near spilled my beer. Somebody tell me the truth, is it a game show or a comedy show?

Eurosports sucks more everyday

First it was MotoGP, and then you advertise that there K-1 stuff, and what is on now? Snooker. Well you snookered us, that's what happened! I paid for cable almost just for Eurosport, then ESPN America came on and I was thrilled. But i had gotten used to some Eurostuff. Sadly that's all gone now. As far as i'm concerned urineosport, you can go the way of a bad fart. You stink now, but soon you'll fade away. But once upon a time you was a good meal.

Pavel Bem just did a backflip on a motorcycle!

Pavel is the mayor of Praho and he just went and done a back flip on a motorcycle!
You heard it here first folks!
He done it sitting on the gas tank while somebody else drove it!
Now there's a feller going to do a back flip on a Harley in a salute to my hero, Evil Knievel!
I'll be darned, he just done it. He landed in classic Knievel fashion too!
Tarnation!
Here's the video on You Tube, can't figure out why in the heck i can't get one of them Blue links in there!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-u0N2IxbOQ&feature=channel

beta test

I done found something new and downright flabbergasting

If you don't understand English so good, then I gots a Translator button you can click and get it all in Czech tongue.
Ain't that something?

Czechass stranger

Hey y'all,



What's new back in Pumpkin Seed? How was the fair? Who won the tractor pull? Did the Dovener boys win the greased pig contest again this year? Don't know what it is about them boys, but they sure got a way with them pigs. Who won the Miss Pumpkin Patch contest? Did granny Samer when the Baccer spit again? Send me the article from the Gazzette if you ain't already throwed it away.



Well, I went and done it this time. Half the country thinks I'm some kind of hero or something, but the sherrifs seem to want to lock me up and throw away the key. I guess it looks like I'll have to wait and see what the judge says.



Might as well start at the beginning, huh? I had to go to Praho for some more papers and stamps and such all. You ain't never seen nothing like it, why it makes standing in line at the license branch down in Possum Pouch seem like a vacation! The durndest thing is they is only open on Monday and Wednesday, I kid you not. You gots to take a day off work to get anything done. Mozekojedy ain't too far away, but it takes 6 hours by train, so I headed to Praho Sunday evening. I got up Monday morning to stand in line all day and get hollered at by some fat old broad because something or the other weren't right and then went to stand around in some other line and get hollered at by some other fat sweaty old broad and this went on all day.



It really works on a fellers nerves not to just pick up a chair and start smashing things, and maybe a few employees too for good measure. Well, I weren't in the best mood when it was all said and done, so I went back to my place and changed and went to find a Hospoda.



Seems like I get in a situation everytime I go to Praho. I told you about the last time I went and got into that club. Well, I promised myself I weren't gonna leave my room this time, but my nerves were jumping around like a toad in toaster and I really needed a beer. I found this one hospoda and sat down and had my a cold one. While I was chugging that one down, I heard these folks behind me and I knew right away they was Englanders on account they talk funny. I mosied on over there and said "Howdy" and they invited me to sit down. They turned out to be fine people. Some of those Englanders can be uppity. The Irish I've met have all been down home folks, but they talk even funnier than the Englanders.



The guy said his name was P.T. or something and the Gal, a real fine filly, her name was so-so. So-so was a reporter, but P.T. didn't say what he done. I reckon he was one of them product testers because he was dropping and throwing his camera down to see how many times he could before it broke.



We was just hammering away at the whiskey, but it didn't taste right. I something to P.T. about this, but he said it was Scotch. I told him I thought he ordered Whiskey. He said never mind. I guess he didn't want to start no trouble with the waiter. Then we decided to go somewheres else, I guess to get some real whiskey. We decided to take the subway. They got these right nice escalators, but the handrails go faster than the steps. I guess ol P.T. hadn't quite figured that out yet, cause it was always pulling him forwards and I'd have to grab him or he'd a fell and it would've been like a row of dominoes for sure.



We was looking at the map trying to cipher out which way to go. All the lines gots different colors. I said we ought to take the big blue one as it looked the fastest. Ol' So-so acted like that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. I guess women shouldn't drink whiskey. Then P.T. tells me that this all was underwater and they had submarines instead of trains. I guess he was trying to put one over on me, cause there ain't no way a body could hold his breath long enough to swim down here to get on the durnded thing.



Now here's where the trouble starts up. It was getting on in hours, so there weren't a lot of folks on the train. Heck, we even got to sit down. We hadn't been going long before So-so tells me to lookey yonder. There was a bunch of people all squished together like with an old granny in the middle. So-so said they was going to rob the old granny. Sure enough, as soon as the doors opened the snatched the granny's purse. I looked around and seed that there weren't nobody else gonna help, so I jumped up and squeezed through the doors that was closing.



There was seven of them two women and 5 men. They wasn't running away, just sort of sauntering off. I reached and jerked the last one to me. Boy, let me tell you did his eyes ever get wide. I planted a stiff knee in his gut and that bent him over then I stuck his head between my legs and gave him the old Pumpkin Seed piledriver. His head thumped like a ripe melon on that concrete floor.Then his pals seen what was happening and they started over to help. I heard someone holler,"Look out Delbert!" It was So-so. She and P.T. had followed me with the old Granny. I guess the wanted to help, but it didn't seem to me it was going to be much of a problem. They was all skinny, except for the two women.



One of the guys comes a chargin at me and and I just step aside and give him the Tennessee tomahawk. I reckon I over done it a bit cause I think I heard something snap. But he went down like a rag doll with the stuffing knocked out. His feet was higher than his head when he hit.Then one of the gals comes heading in and I could see it in her eyes she was aiming to kick me in the family jewels.



You remember how my brother, Delvita, used to be a wrassler in the off season, don't you? Well he used to take me to traing with him sometimes and I got to see them fellers work out. The King, handsome Jimmy and even Joe Laduke sometimes used to show me moves. I was sure glad about that about now, cause the other three was going for knives. I waited till she got her kick going pretty good and then I put her in the ol' helicopter spin and threw right into those other three. Well, the other gal got the worst of it, but the two fellers was starting to get up. I rushed over and gave them the coconut smash. I t coulda been the whiskey or the fact that I was really getting worked up, but I really did over do it this time. I know I heard some stuff breaking and they was bleeding all over the place.



P.T. came a running over all jumping up and down and flapping his arms and So-so was helping the granny. Pt was shouting," Come on, let's GO! Come on, So-so, Run! Forget the Babi, let's get out of here!" We found the granny's purse and everything was still in it. The granny weren't looking none to well, so I picked her up and we headed on out of there. There was a bit of a crowd gathering as the next train was due soon, but the was all clapping and hollering and it weren't no problem to get out. All the way up the escalators ol' P.t. was just carrying on. "Damnit, damnit, damnit. So-so, I told you we should've stayed on the metro. A cab, I ain't never taking the metro again. Damnit, Delbert! Damnit"



Then we got outside and P.t. jumped right out in the middle of the road and stopped a cab. We was all heading over to it, but he jumped inside and the roared away without us. So-so stopped one soon enough and we all got inside and took the granny home. All the way home the granny was just chattering away to the cab driver and he kept looking at me in the mirror and grinning.When we got to the granny's house the cab driver wouldn't take no money and helped us with the granny. Well, she told her husband and pretty soon the whole house was gathered around hugging So-so and patting me on the back.



I knew what was coming next, and sure enough, out comes the plum squeezings. After quite a few of those, we tried to get out of there cause it was getting really late. The grampa gave us a couple of bottles of his "plum juice" and took our addresses and then the cabby took us back.



The next day after I got back to Mozekojedy, I was sitting at the "Bricho" when the news came on. I hadn't told the boys what went on in Praho, but the sure found out soon enough. Seems like somebody had a video camera and got the whole thing on tape and there it was on the news. First story too! The boys all start to look at me and then at the T.V., but at the end when they showed a photo of me,(the one where I was doing the coconut smash) the boys figgered it out. They was looking at me real funny. Then this fat old lady with half her teeth missing comes on. She is all wailing and moaning and screeching and holding up the pictures of those purse snatchers. The boys was really giving me the evil eye now, and I was getting nervous cause something just weren't right.



Then the sherrif comes on and he's talking about 12 mobile phones and showing a bunch of wallets. The boys relax after this and start laughing and even buy me a few beers.



A couple of days later, this white van with NOVA written on it pulls up outside of my place. This lady gets out with a cameraman. As I got closer I saw the granny was with them. She atarts a hugging on me and kissing me and gives me a basket with jelly and such in it, and they was just filming away the whole time. Turns out they was filming for this show called,"Hairy eye" or at least that's how I translate it. Then the reporter starts asking me questions, in English, sort of. It went about like this:



Lady: This lady says you are like hero. She say you saved her life. Others say it is race attack. Was it race attack?



Me: No mam, I didn't know nothing about no race. I reckon I could have done it a faster, if I'd a known about a race.



Lady: So you didn't attack them because they was Rom?



Me: Oh, they weren't no Romulians. Besides that's just on tv. Anyway they looked more like Klingons in that old star trek, you know the one where Kirk and Spock are trying to convince those people they need the Federations help-



Lady: No, No, I mean they were Rom, you know Rom.



Me: Oh I see. Theys Romes.

Lady: Yes, you didn't do it because of that?



Me: Why shucks no. I done what I thought was right. I don't hold it against nobody where they's from. I'd a done the same to anybody, even if they was from France. Heck, I like Pizza.



After they was gone I said to myself," Dadburnit Delbert! You really went and done it this time. You done went and put a whoopin on a buch of I-talians. Shoot, they was probably gangsters too. You know how they're always talking about the mafia over here. You're in it this time boy. Probably cause another war between Czecsko and Italy too."



The next day here come the sherrifs and took me back to Praho and asked me a bunch of questions and stuff and took my picture, but they was pretty nice about it. Not like ol' Sherriff Hognuts over in sasafrass county. They made sure I understood that I had to be back in 6 months and go to court and see what the judge says about it all.



Then a week after that, a bunch of fellers came by and wanted me to teach him how to wrassle like that. Seems they's forming groups to patrol the subways and walk the streets cause they's having problems with a bunch of stags running round. Hell, Wrassling don't do no good with stags, I looked in the book and theys the same as bucks. You could get yourself poked by them antlers, best thing against a stag would be a deer slug or a three point razor broadhead. They's all going to wear coveralls and baseball caps too, they say to honer me as the founder and to make trouble makers see 'em coming.



I tell you what, I've about had it. I ain't never going back to Praho no more. I'm just going stay put right here and mind my own business.

copyright 2004 rude roy

Here's a story sent to me by my friend catfish Carter
Going Down

Hopper and I start down the stairwell to the water level. At the water level, I put on my helmet and climb down the cable ladder to the water, grateful to finally get the weight off as the water releases me from the gravity. As I descend I think, like everytime, how fragile the body is. Billy comes over the radio and asks me how it's going. I tell him fine except my ears aren't equalizing. If worse comes to worse, I just let em rupture, won't be the first time. No aborts today, getting double time plus dive pay. The ears are the only real sign of the pressure while going down. Coming up is a different story entirely.

I always get a kick out of those shows that talk about the depths and the pressure," Being enough to crush a man." It's all about equalizing. I try again pressing my nose on the thing.It's a really clever gizmo that allows you to clamp off your nose, since you can't get your hand to it inside the helmet. I forget who did it, but I think back to that time when hart's helmet had a finger glued in it. "So you can pick your nose while your down there," said the attached card. I don't know what it's called. We just call it the nose thing. "Damned headcold I think as I blow and try to get the ears to adjust. No luck. A few seconds later, they do equalize, unfortunately by rupturing. It's usually just a pinhole sized rupture. I can still hear fine, so nothing major.

My feet feel the mud.
"Topside, Diver down."
"ten four, Diver down."
I walk right into the wall. "damnit , " I mutter.
"Come back on that, I didn't catch it ." said Billy. I forget to think to myself, not talk to myself. Billy hears everything.
"Nothing . I reply.
Must have gotten turned around on the descent. The regulator makes that Darth Vader sound." Luke, come to the dark side." Jesus, how many times have I heard that one? I feel my way along the wall, waiting in the back of my mind to bump into something big, slick, and alive. But that never happens. I come to a corner, concentrating on the mental picture, I close my eyes. That seems to help, but it doesn't matter. The view is the same, open or closed.

This corner should be the corner of a passage into the screen room. If I go straight, the other side should be about three meters away.But it's real easy to get turned around down here.
"Topside, give me some slack," I say.
" 10-4, " Replies Hopper.
Away from the wall, my underwater stride is about half a meter. So, in 6 strides I should be there. This is where it gets tricks. You need an internal compass, because the only ;landmarks are felt, not seen.I walk with my arms outstretched Frankenstein style. Don't wish for the faceplate of the helmet to find the wall first. A breech of the helmet would be most unpleasant indeed.

After 6 strides I stop. I should be near the other wall, or maybe I've shot off on a tangent and I'm 3 meters away from all the walls. I feel confident and continue. I find the wall right where it should be in another step. A sigh of relief, that means on didn't go the wrong way. I don't want to spend an hour wandering around hunting the screen. Besides, Dave would never let me live it down.
"Hey Billy, I'm going in the screen room. Lot's of mud in here. Might want to let the boss know a super sucking is in order here. I'm sure he'll like to submit a bid."
"10-4 I'll pass it along."
How long these screens been down anyway?"

"don't know." "Looks like awhile."
"10-4"
I feel my way along past the first two screens and to number three.
"Topside, the Eel had landed."
" Roger that. How's it look?"
" Ha ha." He knows damned well I can't see. It's an old joke. Like so many others.
I feel along the screens, but they're buried in mud at least a half meter. I start to dig with my garden trowel. I work along the tracks first. I am trying to find why the damned things won't move , hoping it's something we can fix underwater. Preferably on time and materials.

I come to something, a log as big as my leg jammed in real tight." How the hell did that get in here, " I say out loud, once again forgetting Billy hears everything.
"What's that, a cat got your leg?" That's our favorite joke. The legend of the giant cat; every Joe Blow knows someone who knows somebody else who was diving at some dam somewhere, saw a catfish so big it scared him silly and he'll never dive there again. It's a rare job we go to when someone doesn't ask us if we aren't afraid of that fish. Like you can see down here anyway.
"No, but there's a log as big as my leg stuck in these screens."
" Good thing it's not as big as my dick.'
" yeah, I could get a toothpick out in a couple of seconds. That wouldn't be much overtime.Only one way that log could have gotten in here. I'll check the grizzlies on the way up."
""10-4, I bet that's the problem with the number 4 screen too.'
" Guarantee it. Hows my bottom time?"
" 45 minutes."
"Damnit."

I move over to the number 4 screen, dig around, but don't find anything right off the bat. I really want to check out those grizzlies, so I cut the search short. My bottom time is adding up and I hate decompressing. It's really boring.
"Topside? Looks like the same thing here, but the mud's even deeper." So i lied a little, who's gonna know the difference?" hey, I really want to check out those grizzlies. Jesus, Why did they wait so long? They've got two screens down and probably bad grizzlies. The river could rise , more debris, and those other two get broke and they're fucked."
"10-4"
"Hopper, I'm coming back. Keep that hose tight and give me a line pull when I'm under you."
"10-4 diver."

Going out is much quicker because I don't have to feel my way along. I let the hose guide me back. Soon I feel a jerk on my hose and know I'm under him. I return the pull, then add two more. Hopper returns the two and gives me some slack.I head off the other way. Now, I'm heading out of the factory, towards the river. Slow progress, hugging the wall. I don't know how far the grizzlies are, and I don't want to crash into them. I think about some asshole starting the pumps about now. Hopper would stop me, or at least the screens. The pumps wouldn't make me fucked soup. You think about things like that down here. There's always something that can go wrong and you're trying to anticipate it. A completely alien world, made by humans, but where nobody should be.

Then I find the grizzlies, they're rusted really bad. The former 1/2 steel bars are now razor thin.As I feel very gingerly along, I realize they're bent twisted and mostly gone. They must
be the original. The factory was built in the 40's. That means they've been down here for 45 years. Pretty much explains it. If you can't see it ;forget it, until it's broke.

"Topside, These grizzlies are shot. You could drive a v.w. through here. Tell the boss we've got something else to bid on. That ought to make him happy."
"10-4 Hell, he might even buy the beer tonight."
" Dangerous down here, these things are rusted thin like razors. Wouldn't want to get the hose caught on one. Cut through it like that." Snapping my fingers uselessly underwater.
" You copy that Hopper?"
"Sure did Bill."
"I'm heading back. What's the bottom time?"
"75 minutes.""You on that, Hopper?"
"10-4. I got the stops figured at 100 minutes. It'll be 10 more minutes before you're back here anyway."
"O.K., I'm heading back."

As I turn around, apiece of steel bent outwards, catches me. It cuts right through my wetsuit and in to my wrist. . " Uuumph," I mutter. Billy doesn't reply. I clamp my hand to my wrist and realize I can't tell if I'm bleeding or how bad it is. It feels like a minor scrape. But how do I know. That nervousness starts to creep in as the adrenalin kicks in. Time for a deep breath, clear the head. Can't afford to panic, not here. One panic can end a career.

Ten minutes back, ascent one foot a second going up, except; got to decompress. That'll be one stop 14 minutes at ten foot. At least 20 more minutes to the surface. Damnit. If I'm bleeding badly, I could die before that. If i come on up, i could get bent. I don't want to risk getting bent for will probably turn out to be a paper cut. If i am cut bad, then getting bent would be better. If I pass out, they'll never get me up that ladder. Should I tell them or not?
I realize I could be screwed. If we had a chamber, I could decompress topside. I don't want to get bent. I don't know how far it is to the nearest chamber. I think back to dive school and that guy who got bent. He said it was like a golf ball growing in his knee cap. He was lucky it wasn't a c.n.s. hit.Direct pressure; I'll just hold on tight to my wrist and wait till I surface to check it out.

I feel a jerk on my hose, I answer it. Then I feel my feet leave the mud as Hopper pulls my up.
Very slowly. This is when having a good tender is nice. You've got to trust that guy. Or else soda pop. Open a shook up can and see what can happen to your blood if you come up to fast.
I remember the dive school demonstrations. We all had a one gallon tin can. We took it down sealed and it crushed. Then we took it down opened and no problem. Then at the bottom we filled it with air, then sealed it. This is what happens if you hold your breath! Then we let them go, and BOOM! They exploded. Effective demo. I will never forget that. I always exhale on the way up.

The water is starting to get lighter, a dull brown. I should be coming to that ten foot stop by now. I know I'm at ten foot but it's still getting lighter. What is going on. Why isn't Hopper stopping me.
"topside?" No answer. Must be a bad connection, but I can still hear static. " Hopper, topside, can you hear me? " still nothing, but that wouldn't be the first time. Then I hear Hopper say to Billy," Topside, at the first stop."
"ten four Hopper,'' What the hell, it's still getting lighter. I am not stopped!
"Diver one, this is topside, How's it going?"
"Hey Billy, What's going on up there? "
" Hey Hopper, send a jerk to the diver. Make sure He's still awake. I can't get him on the radio."
I don't feel any jerk and things are getting really bright now. I must be inches from the surface. I didn't feel any jerk, but I hear Hopper come back." Topside! I'm not getting any response. There must be something wrong. Bring him up?"
"How many minutes to go? "
"Ten"
" Fuck it. I don't like this. I'm coming down to give you a hand. Pull him up."
At this moment I break the surface, but instead of bobbing, I keep going up. It's getting whiter. Hopper is under me now. What the hell is going on?

copyright 2003

Heather and her friends discover Praho

Here's a seies of viseo i found that was pretty funny. They's about them there exfrats who hangout in Praha



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-wEp6RyBrE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxuTBroVs-c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLo20wNcZ_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPU6ox98pIc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYxsBhJBocE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHtm-p2OiZA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPFKxppUsv8

some video I found

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNb7aDAKOYQ

It's about them exsplatters.

rafting

Well, I just got back from our rafting trip. Me and the boys from the Vinotech rented us a raft and went from High Point to Golden Crown, or that was the plan. Seems the river was up by about three inches and everybody was all in a panic about it. So, we went for one day instead of three also due to a mix up in communications. Somebody figured 4 days meant three days and somebody else figured it only meant two days even though we had all marked it on the calendar back in January. And then 6am worked out in real life to be 1 pm. But that's just how things is ran over here. You gotta get used to it or go crazy as a mule with a hornet in his ear.

Well, we got in the water on a raft because they wouldn't allow no canoes on the river. We came to the first place you could make out some waves and there was a dam with a sliding board thing to go down. There was a sizeable wave at the bottom. Well, we had to stop and go around because it might be dangerous or somebody might get splashed or some such nonsense. Reminds me of back home. There was a place on Possum Belly River called Willy's Wash. We used to go down it in inner tubes until them city folk came along in kayuks and neatoprine suits. They called it a class 6, but we'd been doing it since we was in the 3rd grade. The slickers thought it was called Willy's Wash because it was like a washing machine, but it was really cause it only had water a couple of times a year, about the same as Willy took a bath.

So after a few miles and a few beers we was getting used to laying back and rafting and watching the scenery. Sometimes it'd be nature and other times old towns. It was pretty relaxing.

Then we got to the “camp” which is something like the infield of the Kentucky derby with tents. They hoot and Holler all night long and the drunks fall on your tent and wake you up and it gets annoying after awhile if you're too sober. There ain't no camping around these parts, just in these corrals they call autokemps.


I gave up talking in Czech in the concession stand. I tried to constanant my way through it, but they always smiled and gargled back at me in German. So I just let loose and ordered in English. I think they prefer it that way anyhow. It makes 'em proud to be able to holler out,”Number 95, your smazeny syr is ready.” Besides, If I'm going to get talked at in a strange language I at least want it to be one I'm familiar with.

Why do they think I'm a german anyway! I ain't wearing no leatherhoses!

Crock of it hunters

A just saw a real knee slapper today. The circus is coming to town and the croc hunters are going to be there! Just, I ain't too sure about these fellers, cause if they think they're wrestling crocs, well, I been in the swamps and these ain't crocs!!

I've seen it all

The czechs like to do things their own way and it ain't no use to tell them different.

Just don't even try to tell them there might be a better way. And i respect that. If it works for you, then so be it. It ain't a strangers place to go around telling folks how to do stuff. That's a lesson a lot of them exfrats need to learn right quick.

BUT, today i was sorely tempted. There was a young Honzicek standing outside the supermarket with a dreamsicle looking thing

Now, Little Honzicek was holding the ice cream part and licking the stick. I swear I ain't making this up. I wish i'd a had my camera cause I think I could have sold that picture.

The Hour of Truth

There's this TV show on over here called Hodin Prava, or Hour of truth. Basically what they do is go to some poor person with gob loads of little rug rats running around and offer to give them a wagon load of new stuff like computers, cars, kitchens, bikes, and toys. So the wife and kid get all excited and then they tell the feller that all he has to do to win it is learn to do something near impossible and they give him a week to learn it, all the while his woman and kids is filming him failing time after time and then everybody laughs at him.

Now, I just don't get what makes people watch this here kind of show. I mean do folks really think it's right? Now you can't tell me the people watch it to cheer the poor feller on anymore than you can tell me people go to the figure 8 races to hope there's no crash. What kind of evil person likes to see kids cry, dreams crushed like a Bud-Lite can, and fellers humiliated?

So, ol' Honza had to learn how to ride a unicycle while juggling and singing that song from the Opera, Kill the wabbit. The haul the whole klan out on the stage and show them the prizes and the kids all go crazy dreaming of all them pretty new toys and the Missus that new dishwasher and washing machine.
The host goes up to the little one and says, “Hey there little Drubezinka, look what you can have if your Pa can just do this one little task. Then they give the poor guy about 2 minutes to do it in and of course he can't. Then little drubezinka is all bawling and everybody hates Honza. Sure they try to say, “Oh, that's ok Pa, we know you tried. But they is really saying what a loser he is.

I reckon families stay together about two months after one of these shows before Mrs. Honza finds herself a non-loser and the kids migrate with her and ol' Honza starts living in the hospoda drinking his bread. He loses his job and becomes homeless.

INDY!!!!!!

Dang it, I get sad stuck over here on Indy day. I miss barbequing and drinking ice cold beer and hearing the race in English. But this year there is a chance I might just pick it up in English, I won't know until after Gomer sings, but it's a chance.
You all enjoy the race! I am.

Mutants and gimpls.

I was walking to the shop the other morning and a group of "Mutants" tried to beg money from me. They was sure dressed funny, but I don't believe they had any superpowers.
I finally got it across that they needed to speak English and they did. It went something like this:

"We need money."
"What for, you all homeless?
"No! We're maturitants." ( that must mean mutant in English.)
"You all got superpowers?"
"What?"
"Can you climb walls or make storms?"
"No! We're gimpals!"

(Now I felt bad. I didn't mean to hurt their feelings none. I knew some gimps from the Carnies back home and they was decent enough folks if you gave them half a chance.)

"Well, you look all right to me, but if you all is Gimps, then I reckon I can spare a few koruny."

"thank you!"

Then they went off begging for more money. This country is going downhill. There used to be medical care for all and they kept the gimps and mutants off the streets!

A new guest poster

I have a new guest speaker who might or might not be making some posts on here. This is the first one. Welcome Mr. BH!

Well, I was reading one of the local expat sites and there was actually a good thread on there and it wasn't deleted or sent to the hidden areas. It was about the first wave of expats to land here. And even more surprising were the number of well thought out posts on that thread. It actually captured a mood. Reminds me of the end of Fear and Loathing,were he talks about being in Frisco in the 60's and how it was.

You had to be there and it was a special time. A time I was proud to be a part of. It was a time of hope. It was a time were anything was possible and it was a time of unbelievable bullshit. The west bank of the 90's etc... artist heaven, etc... utter crap!

But what wasn't crap was the optimism. The commies were gone and for a few years, it was great. I can't think of anywhere else in the world I'd have rather been. I got out of Prague rather quickly, because the bullshit was concentrated there, not to say everyone was full of shit, but the ones who were hung out in Prague and I just couldn't handle them!

I love it when some stupid little punk fresh off the plane ready to tell me all about the czech republic and how wonderful it is calls me bitter. "Oh man, it's great! Everything is wonderful and beautiful here! blah blah blah" I just think to myself, "I see the Ignorance is Bliss Foundation has a new poster child."

I am bitter for a reason. I saw what could have been and is now lost forever.



PS: I remember the waterbed man! Ubiquities, Pragnosis, no orange juice and the cops being really cool. They were almost sorry they were cops and went out of their way to be helpful. I met some cool people then and often wonder what happened to them. Some of them were on the fringe and I hope they aren't laying in a casket with scars on their wrists or bouncing off the white rubber walls in their white room.

Why I ain't voting for you!

I don't care what you stand for nor do I give a darn what party you is in. I ain't voting for you. You ruined my day and I'd as soon kick you as meet you.

I was coming home with my bags full of groceries and beer. Had the beer in my backpack. Well, I open my mailbox and two papers go fluttering to the ground. Then the wind catches them and i have to chase them down. Then I almost catch them and they just take off again. I finally corner them and bend over to pick them up. Then my beer slid out of my pack and broke all over the pavement.

All I seen was your grinning goober face looking up at me almost like you was laughing. No sir, I don't give a darn who you are, I ain't voting for you.

Happy Mothers day!!!!!!

To my mom, some flowers for mother's day!

Babi Yaga

Every village has a 'Yaga” this is a title of enlightenment. (No, she's not lit up, it means she's seen the light so to speak.) Big cities are full of these “Yagas” but they ain't so easy to spot and you never know who they are, but in the village people always talk about who is the Babi Yaga.

In Yoga they have Yogis, which are the masters, or teachers. (no, they don't steal picnic baskets!) Well, over here they have the Yagas. The grammar is weird here, but it ain't got nothing to do with yoga. It's some kind of Czech religion thing.

The Yaga is all knowing and she ain't afraid to tell you how you should be living and what you're doing wrong. Now, just because the Yaga is a title of respect, you should never approach one and use the title. For example: “Hello Babi Yaga, I need some advice,” would be considered rude. Better to wait until she offers the advice freely. It may be fine to use the Babi part of the name, but the Yaga part is never to be used in the presence of the holy Yaga. Although when she ain't around people use the title a lot.

Babi Yaga

a very sad day, no moto GP on eurosport

I am in mourning. My favorite sport broadcast by the best announcing team ever assembled is no more. Moto Gp is no longer on eurosport just BBC and those guys don't know their ass from a hole in the ground!
I am seriously heartbroken.
here are two petition links, please sign them!

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/keep-eurosport-motogp-coverage.html

http://www.petitiononline.com/RCV212V4/petition.html

eatting tonsils

Well, this place never ceases to amaze me! I was sitting in the local restaurant having a beer and some goolosh with dumplings. There was this family sitting behind me and I couldn't help overhearing the following (I've translated it into English)

Father: What do you mean you don't want no tonsils? You said you wanted tonsils and you got them!

Honzicek: I don't want them, I don't want no tonsils! I don't like them!

Father: I paid for them tonsils and now you have to have them!

(Ok, I was getting confused here. You can buy tonsils? How do you put them back in?)

Honzicek: But dad, I don't like tonsils!

Father: Those are your tonsils, they've been salted and they're warm, so you are going to eat them and eat them now!

(My eyes most near popped out of my head at this point!! He's going to make that kid eat his tonsils!
Now, I've seen some strange things, but this one tops them all! But I don't want to be no ignorant foreigner, so I just sit there and drink my beer and eat my goolosh sandwiches. They are a bit messy though.)

Honzicek: But dad, I don't want to eat no salted tonsils, I wanted my tonsils without salt!

Father: Well, fine, I'll eat your tonsils and you just drink your coughola and shut up!


I'm just spechless and still don't know what to say.

Australia

Hi to all my mates down under. My thoughts and best wishes are with every one of you.
If you read this, please check in. Just a simple OK will be enough.

I caught three taggers

The other night I was walking home and I saw these "taggers" writing their names on buildings! There were three of them and they were wearing disguises, but I followed 'em around for a bit and they was just going around puting their "tags" on all sorts of buildings.

( A tagger is like a human dog. They go around all over the place and instead of hiking their legs, they make a mark showing they done been there. It's like that grafeety, but it's only a sign, not a picture or nothing. And it ain't like mail pouch neither, it's only a little one, but they'll do it anywhere.)



So these three fellers kept at it and I snuck up on 'em and whopped 'em upside the head and then called the police and left cause, well, I was just being a good citizen and didn't want no reward or nothing.