Svejked

When I first moved over to here, I was told about Svejk. It was the Czech national war hero. I figured it was an action type thing, but it sure weren't. It was the opposite. In other words, so to speak, Svejk ain't no Audie Murphy. He's more of a Gomer Pyle. And since it was written by Hasek, the goal keeper, it's entirely possible that's where the inspiration came from.

But, since the Svejk craze has done took hold, it's just spread and spread. Svejk has become a role-model. Just you close your eyes and imagine Gomer Pyle being what everybody thinks is the best you can do. Well, that has happened here. A nation of Svejks has arisen. I had a problem with my sell phone, so I went where they selled it to me and they couldn't help me. Then they told me to go to the operator, who all 5 of told me to go back to the store. Then the internets done said go to the store, who went and said, yup, but not this store! This is Svejkism. It's how the country is run. Everything is Svejked up.
(Quick note about the Oxygen stores. For some durned reason, Oxygen shops sell phones. The Oxygen shops are the worst managed most Svejked up phones in the country. I ain't never heard nobody say nothing good about them! They should have stuck to Oxygen. With the season of inversions upon us, there is a definite need for it!)

You have a problem with your sink and they send the guy over to fix it. He don't do nothing that lasts more than 2 days. Then you figure it out. Shucks, he ain't never going to fix it! He's just going to Svejk off until you get sick and tired and fix it yourself, or try to out Svejk him. But you better be ready to get flooded and stunk out from overflowing toilets and leaky sinks to out Svejk a Czech. Their house ain't all Svejked up. No, just where they work, or Svejk about to make some money is all that's Svejked up.

Yup, if you is going to live here, you better just come to the understanding that you is going to have to take care of everything yourself, except for most things that you need a license to do, then you have to have a Svejk come and Svejk about for a month or two to do a 5 minute job. But, it'll just be Svejked up and he'll have to come back again 5 more times for a couple of years before you just say, Svejk it!!!!! But there you got no choice, because the Svejk laws protect Svejkism.

Sometimes, I think this country is just Svejked beyond repair. The commies thought the same thing. Uncle Ivan was here for awhile and they tried their hand at unSvejking things. They invented a new guy, Jarda Cinnamon to be a new hero. Jarda was supposed to get the Czechs pumped up and ready to do something right and be productive. O'l Cinnamon was a smart feller who invented just about everything. He took credit for all the things the “West” done invented, like electricity and cars and television, etc... It's all part of propoganda. You see, Ivan wanted everybody to think how the commies were the smart guys, so Jarda was super-smart. Einstein and company were just ripping off ol' Mr. Cinnamon!

But, it didn't work out too well. The commies is gone and Cinnamon is still around, but the real hero remains Svejk.

Some random thoughts over the summer

Well, I was working a lot of the summer to save up for a vaction that never happened due to several of the normal things that tend to happen to me.

One of the first things I done was to take some of the young'uns to a place called Czech-Switzerland. Now, it's a nice place, I got no problems giving it my nod, except for one part of it. Now, we was in mezni louka. It might mean something like middle elbow. There is a campground there and the lady is very nice, got grills and everything. But, if you go from ther to Praciky Brana, be prepared. It's the largest stone bridge around these parts and the way is just breathtaking. It is really a fine walk, but, when you get to the top where the good stuff is, you got to pay 75kc to get to the concession stand where water is 185kc!!!!!!

Just pack lot's of water and don't plan on seeing the best part of it close up.
Seems a Russian guy bought it, according to what I was told by the locals. Just imagine selling Smokey mountain to the Arabs, and you'd understand the feeling! I hear they is planning a comedy serial about a greedy man called VeeKay and the Bear.

Now the thing that just knocked for me another loop was that all this people was using ski poles! Yup, I kid you not, two ski poles and walking along like it was Winter! But it was one of the hottest days of the year!! (That's why the 185kc liter of water was such a real splinter up my butt!) I figure it was “special” day, like the special olympics. Or since the seemed to be gargling, it must have been the Germans. Who knows????


II

I've been here awhile now and still get a surprise on occasion. The weather being one of them. (This was wrote back in August) One week it's 95° and as wet and sticky as a Preacher's daughter's underwear. The next day it's 50° and
as cold as Preacher's wife!

So basically, you get a year's worth of weather every week, which ain't bad for the price. There ain't nothing a Czech likes more than a bargain, so you'd think they'd be mighty happy with it. Nope! They complain because they are jealous someplace else is getting more weather for the same price. But, the weather is here is like the food, never too spicey. I guess if you figure clouds as dumplings, that's about as accurate as it can be said.

Del moves

Well, I went and moved last weekend and it durned near killed me! The new place is on the fourth floor and there ain't no elevator or wench or nothing at all in line of helping.

I'm just happy as heck I went and done it in the cool weather. I had some help, some of the boys from the wine shop. They got wine on tap there! I never cared too much for the store bought wine back home, it was kind of a stuck up city folk thing. But here it's just the opposite! Well. Ypu still got your citified snooty folk, but here it's a normal drink for normal folk. Shoot, you go to Moravia, where I used to live,
and people got their own cellars packed with wine.

So we carted stuff up and down them stairs untilI I thought I would need oxygen. I still got a head-ache getting used to the altitude. The place is in the attic of an old school. It's kind of like a cleaned up and painted hayloft. It's where the town stuffs its teachers since it can't afford to pay them much. They is mainly younger teachers just getting started.

I'm getting settled in now somewhat. My back is in a knot and I still get winded going up them steps, but I guess in the longhaul, it'll be good for me. It's a sight better than the old place. The old coot over there was a bustin' in every two weeks to see if I'd used too much water or not. After he'd leave I'd have to open the windows for a couple hours to freshin' it up. Ought to be a law against being so stingy you don't shower. Folks ought to have to give everbody downwind a few dollars to compensate. I reckon they'd just as soon spend it on soap and water in that case.

The other folks in the attic here ain't been none to friendly. Not a single one has stopped in to welcome me! I guess they's just shy. Some of them is single gals and it wouldn't look none too good to be knocking on a man's door.

Well, the darndest part is this: I have to wait 3 weeks to get the internets turned on! And the same with the cable TV!!!!!! I ain't got no tv now, nor internet. It just burns my butt. They got their ways over here, and they ain't exactly compatible with mine all the time. I had to go to 4 different offices in three days to get this place. One to tell me to go to anotherl, to copy a paper, and then tell me to come back tomorrow and another to give me a contract, and another to give me the keys. Well' I'm in now and I ain't moving back down them stairs without a fight.