Happy Mothers day!!!!!!

To my mom, some flowers for mother's day!

Babi Yaga

Every village has a 'Yaga” this is a title of enlightenment. (No, she's not lit up, it means she's seen the light so to speak.) Big cities are full of these “Yagas” but they ain't so easy to spot and you never know who they are, but in the village people always talk about who is the Babi Yaga.

In Yoga they have Yogis, which are the masters, or teachers. (no, they don't steal picnic baskets!) Well, over here they have the Yagas. The grammar is weird here, but it ain't got nothing to do with yoga. It's some kind of Czech religion thing.

The Yaga is all knowing and she ain't afraid to tell you how you should be living and what you're doing wrong. Now, just because the Yaga is a title of respect, you should never approach one and use the title. For example: “Hello Babi Yaga, I need some advice,” would be considered rude. Better to wait until she offers the advice freely. It may be fine to use the Babi part of the name, but the Yaga part is never to be used in the presence of the holy Yaga. Although when she ain't around people use the title a lot.

Babi Yaga

a very sad day, no moto GP on eurosport

I am in mourning. My favorite sport broadcast by the best announcing team ever assembled is no more. Moto Gp is no longer on eurosport just BBC and those guys don't know their ass from a hole in the ground!
I am seriously heartbroken.
here are two petition links, please sign them!

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/keep-eurosport-motogp-coverage.html

http://www.petitiononline.com/RCV212V4/petition.html

eatting tonsils

Well, this place never ceases to amaze me! I was sitting in the local restaurant having a beer and some goolosh with dumplings. There was this family sitting behind me and I couldn't help overhearing the following (I've translated it into English)

Father: What do you mean you don't want no tonsils? You said you wanted tonsils and you got them!

Honzicek: I don't want them, I don't want no tonsils! I don't like them!

Father: I paid for them tonsils and now you have to have them!

(Ok, I was getting confused here. You can buy tonsils? How do you put them back in?)

Honzicek: But dad, I don't like tonsils!

Father: Those are your tonsils, they've been salted and they're warm, so you are going to eat them and eat them now!

(My eyes most near popped out of my head at this point!! He's going to make that kid eat his tonsils!
Now, I've seen some strange things, but this one tops them all! But I don't want to be no ignorant foreigner, so I just sit there and drink my beer and eat my goolosh sandwiches. They are a bit messy though.)

Honzicek: But dad, I don't want to eat no salted tonsils, I wanted my tonsils without salt!

Father: Well, fine, I'll eat your tonsils and you just drink your coughola and shut up!


I'm just spechless and still don't know what to say.

Australia

Hi to all my mates down under. My thoughts and best wishes are with every one of you.
If you read this, please check in. Just a simple OK will be enough.

I caught three taggers

The other night I was walking home and I saw these "taggers" writing their names on buildings! There were three of them and they were wearing disguises, but I followed 'em around for a bit and they was just going around puting their "tags" on all sorts of buildings.

( A tagger is like a human dog. They go around all over the place and instead of hiking their legs, they make a mark showing they done been there. It's like that grafeety, but it's only a sign, not a picture or nothing. And it ain't like mail pouch neither, it's only a little one, but they'll do it anywhere.)



So these three fellers kept at it and I snuck up on 'em and whopped 'em upside the head and then called the police and left cause, well, I was just being a good citizen and didn't want no reward or nothing.

Happy Holidays!!!!!

I declare, what a year it has done been. I'm ready for the new one too! I got me some:
black cats,Roman candles, screaming meemies, ladyfingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippedy-doodas, crap flappers,whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits,
honkey lighters, Hüsker Düs and don'ts,
Cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with
or without the scooter stick, and one single
whistling kitty-chaser! Yes, I am ready.
(name the film and win a prize!)

Anyway, I was thinking about the year and thinking about camping. Czechs do it different. Thy don't believe in being more than 100 feet from your car or a concession stand. But sometimes they build a campfire at a hotel or in somebodies backyard and get to being all campy like. But the darndest thing is as soon as the talking gets good, some dang folkie from folkyville decides that what everything needs now is for him to whip it out and starting playing with it (guitar). No, sir, he don't ask nobody, it's just assumed we'd rather listen to him and sing along, than chew the fat and tell campfire stories about the time ..... well you know the type.

I generally feel sorry for 'em. Cause like my neighbor who keeps practicing, all them folk was abused children and we should feel sorry for 'em. They didn't have a proper upbring and nobody ever told them, “Dang it, Del Ray Peaches that is the most ornery' catawalling I ever did hear! You just stop that right here and now and don't you ever try that again. Boy! Some folks can sing like an angel and others like a demon, but I'll be if I can quite make out if you sing like a tom cat being run over real slow like, or a couple of freight trains running into one another, slowly like. Whatever it is, it's way too slowly for a mortal man too endure. Boy, I'm only going to tell you this once, and it's probably the truest thing I'll ever tell you. Don't torture poor people who never done you no wrong and don't make a Grade-A Number one jackass out of yourself again!”

No, too many folks out there was never told the truth, and as an act of kindness, we just grin and bear it. Cause, think about it. If you're a kid and your folks tell you in your own house it ain't no big deal. Heck you're a kid. You'll find something else to take up in ten minutes or so. But, an adult under this dillusion for 20 years or so, why it's just about kill him. And dadburnit, sometimes I am sorely tempted!

I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!

Dang, Praho has got spiders?

Another reason to stay away, them there SPIDERS!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohz5nQmSU84

Mikulas, cert, andel and Klaus

It's the first holiday of Christmas, if you don't count Barbora, and most don't.
Anyway, Mike, a devil, and an angel go around scaring little kids, and gettin drunk.

Anyway i just learned something new.
In America, we got





But here in Czecho they got:

Svejked

When I first moved over to here, I was told about Svejk. It was the Czech national war hero. I figured it was an action type thing, but it sure weren't. It was the opposite. In other words, so to speak, Svejk ain't no Audie Murphy. He's more of a Gomer Pyle. And since it was written by Hasek, the goal keeper, it's entirely possible that's where the inspiration came from.

But, since the Svejk craze has done took hold, it's just spread and spread. Svejk has become a role-model. Just you close your eyes and imagine Gomer Pyle being what everybody thinks is the best you can do. Well, that has happened here. A nation of Svejks has arisen. I had a problem with my sell phone, so I went where they selled it to me and they couldn't help me. Then they told me to go to the operator, who all 5 of told me to go back to the store. Then the internets done said go to the store, who went and said, yup, but not this store! This is Svejkism. It's how the country is run. Everything is Svejked up.
(Quick note about the Oxygen stores. For some durned reason, Oxygen shops sell phones. The Oxygen shops are the worst managed most Svejked up phones in the country. I ain't never heard nobody say nothing good about them! They should have stuck to Oxygen. With the season of inversions upon us, there is a definite need for it!)

You have a problem with your sink and they send the guy over to fix it. He don't do nothing that lasts more than 2 days. Then you figure it out. Shucks, he ain't never going to fix it! He's just going to Svejk off until you get sick and tired and fix it yourself, or try to out Svejk him. But you better be ready to get flooded and stunk out from overflowing toilets and leaky sinks to out Svejk a Czech. Their house ain't all Svejked up. No, just where they work, or Svejk about to make some money is all that's Svejked up.

Yup, if you is going to live here, you better just come to the understanding that you is going to have to take care of everything yourself, except for most things that you need a license to do, then you have to have a Svejk come and Svejk about for a month or two to do a 5 minute job. But, it'll just be Svejked up and he'll have to come back again 5 more times for a couple of years before you just say, Svejk it!!!!! But there you got no choice, because the Svejk laws protect Svejkism.

Sometimes, I think this country is just Svejked beyond repair. The commies thought the same thing. Uncle Ivan was here for awhile and they tried their hand at unSvejking things. They invented a new guy, Jarda Cinnamon to be a new hero. Jarda was supposed to get the Czechs pumped up and ready to do something right and be productive. O'l Cinnamon was a smart feller who invented just about everything. He took credit for all the things the “West” done invented, like electricity and cars and television, etc... It's all part of propoganda. You see, Ivan wanted everybody to think how the commies were the smart guys, so Jarda was super-smart. Einstein and company were just ripping off ol' Mr. Cinnamon!

But, it didn't work out too well. The commies is gone and Cinnamon is still around, but the real hero remains Svejk.

Some random thoughts over the summer

Well, I was working a lot of the summer to save up for a vaction that never happened due to several of the normal things that tend to happen to me.

One of the first things I done was to take some of the young'uns to a place called Czech-Switzerland. Now, it's a nice place, I got no problems giving it my nod, except for one part of it. Now, we was in mezni louka. It might mean something like middle elbow. There is a campground there and the lady is very nice, got grills and everything. But, if you go from ther to Praciky Brana, be prepared. It's the largest stone bridge around these parts and the way is just breathtaking. It is really a fine walk, but, when you get to the top where the good stuff is, you got to pay 75kc to get to the concession stand where water is 185kc!!!!!!

Just pack lot's of water and don't plan on seeing the best part of it close up.
Seems a Russian guy bought it, according to what I was told by the locals. Just imagine selling Smokey mountain to the Arabs, and you'd understand the feeling! I hear they is planning a comedy serial about a greedy man called VeeKay and the Bear.

Now the thing that just knocked for me another loop was that all this people was using ski poles! Yup, I kid you not, two ski poles and walking along like it was Winter! But it was one of the hottest days of the year!! (That's why the 185kc liter of water was such a real splinter up my butt!) I figure it was “special” day, like the special olympics. Or since the seemed to be gargling, it must have been the Germans. Who knows????


II

I've been here awhile now and still get a surprise on occasion. The weather being one of them. (This was wrote back in August) One week it's 95° and as wet and sticky as a Preacher's daughter's underwear. The next day it's 50° and
as cold as Preacher's wife!

So basically, you get a year's worth of weather every week, which ain't bad for the price. There ain't nothing a Czech likes more than a bargain, so you'd think they'd be mighty happy with it. Nope! They complain because they are jealous someplace else is getting more weather for the same price. But, the weather is here is like the food, never too spicey. I guess if you figure clouds as dumplings, that's about as accurate as it can be said.

Del moves

Well, I went and moved last weekend and it durned near killed me! The new place is on the fourth floor and there ain't no elevator or wench or nothing at all in line of helping.

I'm just happy as heck I went and done it in the cool weather. I had some help, some of the boys from the wine shop. They got wine on tap there! I never cared too much for the store bought wine back home, it was kind of a stuck up city folk thing. But here it's just the opposite! Well. Ypu still got your citified snooty folk, but here it's a normal drink for normal folk. Shoot, you go to Moravia, where I used to live,
and people got their own cellars packed with wine.

So we carted stuff up and down them stairs untilI I thought I would need oxygen. I still got a head-ache getting used to the altitude. The place is in the attic of an old school. It's kind of like a cleaned up and painted hayloft. It's where the town stuffs its teachers since it can't afford to pay them much. They is mainly younger teachers just getting started.

I'm getting settled in now somewhat. My back is in a knot and I still get winded going up them steps, but I guess in the longhaul, it'll be good for me. It's a sight better than the old place. The old coot over there was a bustin' in every two weeks to see if I'd used too much water or not. After he'd leave I'd have to open the windows for a couple hours to freshin' it up. Ought to be a law against being so stingy you don't shower. Folks ought to have to give everbody downwind a few dollars to compensate. I reckon they'd just as soon spend it on soap and water in that case.

The other folks in the attic here ain't been none to friendly. Not a single one has stopped in to welcome me! I guess they's just shy. Some of them is single gals and it wouldn't look none too good to be knocking on a man's door.

Well, the darndest part is this: I have to wait 3 weeks to get the internets turned on! And the same with the cable TV!!!!!! I ain't got no tv now, nor internet. It just burns my butt. They got their ways over here, and they ain't exactly compatible with mine all the time. I had to go to 4 different offices in three days to get this place. One to tell me to go to anotherl, to copy a paper, and then tell me to come back tomorrow and another to give me a contract, and another to give me the keys. Well' I'm in now and I ain't moving back down them stairs without a fight.

LaWanda page

Lenny bruce? George carlin? No!!! They weren't the cutting edge!
Buddy hackett?
Sorry!
LaWanda Page was the original genius sharp tongued raunchy comic !
You know her as Aunt Esther, but you don't know know her.
I implore you to go to you-tube and search the name and get shocked! Chris rock is still in his diapers when compared to this lady!!
LaWanda Page, my hat is off to you! You are possibly the greatest modern comedian that ever performed. The others were mere hacks.

be prepared, this is raunchy!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4LJQY6WLxg&feature=related


But she desrsves so much more than she has. Most of you don't know her name, yet Richard Pryor? Yes.
All coat tail riders.

still kicking

I'm in the process of moving and such, so forgive me for not bogging at the present.