On my old computer. Well, folks, it’s time for me to say good-bye to an old friend. It ain’t much to look at, that’s for sure. The plastic has turned yellow on the monitor and it never was none too quick. I rescued her from the closet, I said, “Heck, if you’re just gonna throw it in the closet I could always také it home and do homework and such on it for the students.”
And tonight is possibly the last time I or anybody will ever fire up the circuits and put their thoughts into whatever it is that makes the thing work. It’s like that cartoon with dexter when he has to shut down his computer and is so sad. There was another movie about that, something about space.
Anyway, new and improved time and I am hooking up to the internet at home. Yes sir, truck pulls and al kinds of good stuff on the web. I cain’t wait, but it’s sad to say good-bye to someone who always managed to get what I wanted on the screen sooner or later, or at least a fair compromise.
So, like a pair of good shoes whose time has come, I say good night. Heck, the new one might not work and we’ll be together again, maybe.
Good night.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Hair Gott!
Hair Gott
These Czech folks worship a strange God. (They call them Gotts) I reckon it’s kind of like them Catholics got them Saints, you know a different one for everything.) But apparently the hair Gott is the one for desperation. Every time they get into a situation where things is just too much, they throw up their hands and say, “Hair Gott!”
I got (ha ha) to a wondering just what a Hair Gott was exactly so to speak. I did some digging around it it turns out that it might be Herr gott, which is German for Mister, although here a Mister is a champion and a Pan isn’t for cooking but for Mr,ing like we do back home. But this ain’t Germany and ain’t been for 63 years. Or 90 years since it was really full-time Austria-idiot ruled. (The Czech word for hungry is Magor, which means stupid, or idiot. I guess smart people keep themselves well fed around these parts.) The history around here is so confusing it could make you throw up your hands and say, “Hair Gott!”
I thought I was making progress in figuring this all out and then on the news I seen the Hair Gott himself! Seems some young American hadn’t yet figured out how to drive around these parts and went and crashed into Hair Gott’s car.
Driving around these parts is interesting. Basicly you put the gas pedal to the floorboard and never let up. People pass into oncoming traffic on a two-lane highway, over hills, on blind corners, it just don’t matter. Back home you could sell tickets to sit alongside a Czech highway and watch the action. It’s got (ha ha) figure 8 racing beat all to heck. There ain’t no roller-coasters in this country. They don’t need none. You want the bejeebies scared out of you, just get a Czech to give you a lift somewheres.
So, this American probably slowed down or stopped at a light or something like that and caused an accident. There were pictures on tv that showed Hair Gott and he weren’t holding no grudges and said the American probably just didn’t know no better. But then it dawned on me! His hair was perfect. Even after an accident it looked just right. You know like Elvis had hair that was just right, so does this Hair Gott.
Then I went to searching on the internet and found out that this Hair Gott was really the Czech Elvis! It all sort of fit together then. And this Gott was famous in the old East Germany! So that’s why they say Hair, or Herr. They sound the same and nobody bothers to spell it out, so it’s darned near impossible to know. But, they don’t say Pan Gott. That much I know.
BTW, here's a picture from his site:
www.gottland.cz
It ain't like disneyland or even Dollywood though.
These Czech folks worship a strange God. (They call them Gotts) I reckon it’s kind of like them Catholics got them Saints, you know a different one for everything.) But apparently the hair Gott is the one for desperation. Every time they get into a situation where things is just too much, they throw up their hands and say, “Hair Gott!”
I got (ha ha) to a wondering just what a Hair Gott was exactly so to speak. I did some digging around it it turns out that it might be Herr gott, which is German for Mister, although here a Mister is a champion and a Pan isn’t for cooking but for Mr,ing like we do back home. But this ain’t Germany and ain’t been for 63 years. Or 90 years since it was really full-time Austria-idiot ruled. (The Czech word for hungry is Magor, which means stupid, or idiot. I guess smart people keep themselves well fed around these parts.) The history around here is so confusing it could make you throw up your hands and say, “Hair Gott!”
I thought I was making progress in figuring this all out and then on the news I seen the Hair Gott himself! Seems some young American hadn’t yet figured out how to drive around these parts and went and crashed into Hair Gott’s car.
Driving around these parts is interesting. Basicly you put the gas pedal to the floorboard and never let up. People pass into oncoming traffic on a two-lane highway, over hills, on blind corners, it just don’t matter. Back home you could sell tickets to sit alongside a Czech highway and watch the action. It’s got (ha ha) figure 8 racing beat all to heck. There ain’t no roller-coasters in this country. They don’t need none. You want the bejeebies scared out of you, just get a Czech to give you a lift somewheres.
So, this American probably slowed down or stopped at a light or something like that and caused an accident. There were pictures on tv that showed Hair Gott and he weren’t holding no grudges and said the American probably just didn’t know no better. But then it dawned on me! His hair was perfect. Even after an accident it looked just right. You know like Elvis had hair that was just right, so does this Hair Gott.
Then I went to searching on the internet and found out that this Hair Gott was really the Czech Elvis! It all sort of fit together then. And this Gott was famous in the old East Germany! So that’s why they say Hair, or Herr. They sound the same and nobody bothers to spell it out, so it’s darned near impossible to know. But, they don’t say Pan Gott. That much I know.
BTW, here's a picture from his site:
www.gottland.cz
It ain't like disneyland or even Dollywood though.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Chesty Tina
Howdy Y’all! What’s new?
First a big hello to my Austria alien friends from OZ!!!
( I got no idea what the heck they is talking about sometimes. Are they munchkins, or flying monkeys, or just a bunch of wierdos like them trackies?? And no trackies ain’t NASCAR fans or even that Formula 1 stuff which is about as exciting as watching a traffic jam pull into a garage every so often. Trackies like to dress up as space creatures and have big conventions and pretend they is all from a different planet.)
Now, Austria is just south of the border here. There is some wierd folks from there allright let me tell you! Seems this guy named Fritz ( No, I ain’t being Politically incohernet! his name really is Fritz!) kept his daughter in a dungeon for 24 years. Now dangnabit don’t he know you lock daughters up in a tower! You lock enemies up in the dungeon! I guess he ain’t read enough stories. But, you never know what those fellers down south will get up to next.
Anyway, seems there was a big mix up last weekend. It was May first ( they call it Labor day! And they say it started in Chicago! I don’t even bother to try and straighten them out anymore. Labor day is in septemember)and it’s a big holiday and everybody gets of work except those people who have to work like in the super market and gas station and other places. Now this weekend is May the 8th and it is to celebrate the end of the second world war. You remeber gramps telling us all about shooting the nazis and capturing 100 krauts all by himself.
So they got it mixed up because the nazis and the Red menace was all set to reenact the war and they got ready in there seperate areas, but I guess somebody realized the mistake because they never went through with it and everybody just went home after some speechs saying something. I don’t know because I was at home watching it on tv.
Now, what’s going to happen this weekend when they all went and blew it last weekend? Probably not much. But at least tomorrow I get to sleep late. (tomorrow is yesterday to you because I’m writing this at home the day before yesterday.)
Hey, can you Czech people help me out? Just who is Chesty Tina? Everybody is always telling me I need to talk to Cesty Tina, and I don’t know where she lives. They always say I’ve been here long enough to speak to Chesty Tina. Now she sounds like a right nice gal and I’m looking forward to meeting her.
So, if you know where I can find her, just drop me a line.
First a big hello to my Austria alien friends from OZ!!!
( I got no idea what the heck they is talking about sometimes. Are they munchkins, or flying monkeys, or just a bunch of wierdos like them trackies?? And no trackies ain’t NASCAR fans or even that Formula 1 stuff which is about as exciting as watching a traffic jam pull into a garage every so often. Trackies like to dress up as space creatures and have big conventions and pretend they is all from a different planet.)
Now, Austria is just south of the border here. There is some wierd folks from there allright let me tell you! Seems this guy named Fritz ( No, I ain’t being Politically incohernet! his name really is Fritz!) kept his daughter in a dungeon for 24 years. Now dangnabit don’t he know you lock daughters up in a tower! You lock enemies up in the dungeon! I guess he ain’t read enough stories. But, you never know what those fellers down south will get up to next.
Anyway, seems there was a big mix up last weekend. It was May first ( they call it Labor day! And they say it started in Chicago! I don’t even bother to try and straighten them out anymore. Labor day is in septemember)and it’s a big holiday and everybody gets of work except those people who have to work like in the super market and gas station and other places. Now this weekend is May the 8th and it is to celebrate the end of the second world war. You remeber gramps telling us all about shooting the nazis and capturing 100 krauts all by himself.
So they got it mixed up because the nazis and the Red menace was all set to reenact the war and they got ready in there seperate areas, but I guess somebody realized the mistake because they never went through with it and everybody just went home after some speechs saying something. I don’t know because I was at home watching it on tv.
Now, what’s going to happen this weekend when they all went and blew it last weekend? Probably not much. But at least tomorrow I get to sleep late. (tomorrow is yesterday to you because I’m writing this at home the day before yesterday.)
Hey, can you Czech people help me out? Just who is Chesty Tina? Everybody is always telling me I need to talk to Cesty Tina, and I don’t know where she lives. They always say I’ve been here long enough to speak to Chesty Tina. Now she sounds like a right nice gal and I’m looking forward to meeting her.
So, if you know where I can find her, just drop me a line.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
1,000 here we come!
Well, shake my seeds and call me a gourd! It’s great to see so many folks visiting. I never thought I’d get 1,000 folks here reading my letters home. Only reason i started was because it was free and a letter took 10 days and cost about a dollar. Of course now it’s more like $10 !!! So i’ll keep on posting them here. Confound it! Why don’t that I ever work? It did that time. I want to be the first person of non Czech roots or kin to weigh in on the topic of every Spring. Socks and sandals. Tarnation what’s the deal anyway? You get used to it. After a bit it really is nice. Heck, I’ll never go back to sockless!
It can get chilly all the sudden around these parts. You’ll be glad you have those socks on then! Go to a pub? Got to drain the main vein? You better hope you got socks! All that ricochet around the feet area ain’t pleasant. Unless you’ve got one of them there elevated ones not the full length. Still a problem! Still splashes around. I don’t want my bare feet in there. A layer of cloth is just what i like. (There went that i again)
And FYI! Naked feet ain’t so pretty. Don’t matter none what color you paint your nails if your foot is black from dust. And it’s a lot easir to have a spare pair of socks than feet!
Top 5 reasons to wear socks with sandals:
5 You blend in and are less likeley to be ripped off.
4 Can still hide money in your socks! I ain’t heard of no pick
socks around here.
3 Spills, trash, and such can make those socks nice.
2 You can fill a sock with change and “whop” somebody up side
the side of their face, being sure to catch the nose real
good.
1 The number one reason, pan. Jeden, mR. Uno, is:
Dog crap is everwhere. You always try to watch, but
sometimes it happens, “Sploooosh” You know you kind of slide
in it too. Now every Czech gets upset, “Do Pizza! Co to je!
Kgdo mam pes velkly jak tak.” Then there’s some other words
might not be for all to hear. But if you got a sock on, it
ain’t so bad. You just peel that one off and toss it away.
Socks ain’t too big and if you’re prepared; a pair in your
day sack is just what the doctor ordered and you’re on your
way. No fuss, peel and dispose.
That’s the top 5 resons. If you got more, post them! Don’t be afraid. Join in. Let’s see what you got.
Now just a randomn complaint. I got a new DVD payer. It’s a Thompson. I like to watch my films and pause and zoom in on important things, like the program on a vintage NASCAR race. You see the darnedest things when you stop and zoom in there. I really use that feature, but the durnded thing is too small.My thumb covers four buttons at any time. If i get in a hurry and try to stop and zoom too fast, it goes double time and on zoom x2. I had to get a pencil with an an eraser on it to use casue my fingers was too big.
AND the damned shame of it is who are they selling them to anyway? We need remotes that are man sized and you can grip it and squeeze it and make it your friend.
Dvd plyers one more. What’t this story about a new kind? Dangit I got burnt by beta and i don’t want a repeat of that.
I got the dukes on the way. Had Andy since Christmas, and got the hillbillys too! Not them damned squid ones! They ought to be chopped up into cod bait! (insert image bair\ter)
I gueus that about it for today. Been a complicated weekend wit a woman winnin an indy race. But she ain’t going to do it at the 500. Wish i could be there. I am sad and miss both the derby and the 500. But I hope to build a grill out on the balcony soon so, ribs are first.
It can get chilly all the sudden around these parts. You’ll be glad you have those socks on then! Go to a pub? Got to drain the main vein? You better hope you got socks! All that ricochet around the feet area ain’t pleasant. Unless you’ve got one of them there elevated ones not the full length. Still a problem! Still splashes around. I don’t want my bare feet in there. A layer of cloth is just what i like. (There went that i again)
And FYI! Naked feet ain’t so pretty. Don’t matter none what color you paint your nails if your foot is black from dust. And it’s a lot easir to have a spare pair of socks than feet!
Top 5 reasons to wear socks with sandals:
5 You blend in and are less likeley to be ripped off.
4 Can still hide money in your socks! I ain’t heard of no pick
socks around here.
3 Spills, trash, and such can make those socks nice.
2 You can fill a sock with change and “whop” somebody up side
the side of their face, being sure to catch the nose real
good.
1 The number one reason, pan. Jeden, mR. Uno, is:
Dog crap is everwhere. You always try to watch, but
sometimes it happens, “Sploooosh” You know you kind of slide
in it too. Now every Czech gets upset, “Do Pizza! Co to je!
Kgdo mam pes velkly jak tak.” Then there’s some other words
might not be for all to hear. But if you got a sock on, it
ain’t so bad. You just peel that one off and toss it away.
Socks ain’t too big and if you’re prepared; a pair in your
day sack is just what the doctor ordered and you’re on your
way. No fuss, peel and dispose.
That’s the top 5 resons. If you got more, post them! Don’t be afraid. Join in. Let’s see what you got.
Now just a randomn complaint. I got a new DVD payer. It’s a Thompson. I like to watch my films and pause and zoom in on important things, like the program on a vintage NASCAR race. You see the darnedest things when you stop and zoom in there. I really use that feature, but the durnded thing is too small.My thumb covers four buttons at any time. If i get in a hurry and try to stop and zoom too fast, it goes double time and on zoom x2. I had to get a pencil with an an eraser on it to use casue my fingers was too big.
AND the damned shame of it is who are they selling them to anyway? We need remotes that are man sized and you can grip it and squeeze it and make it your friend.
Dvd plyers one more. What’t this story about a new kind? Dangit I got burnt by beta and i don’t want a repeat of that.
I got the dukes on the way. Had Andy since Christmas, and got the hillbillys too! Not them damned squid ones! They ought to be chopped up into cod bait! (insert image bair\ter)
I gueus that about it for today. Been a complicated weekend wit a woman winnin an indy race. But she ain’t going to do it at the 500. Wish i could be there. I am sad and miss both the derby and the 500. But I hope to build a grill out on the balcony soon so, ribs are first.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
falf full or half empty??
It was a real nice weekend and I went outside to shoot some pictures. Along the way I came across a “Hospado” that’s a place to buy beer and no food. Although they might have some pickled cheese or sausages. Although I ain’t seen no pickled pig’s feet nor eggs much, I have seen some pickled eel wrapped up in onion.
Anyway,! I was sitting there and squinting from the sun and writing things to think about, things to do, and things to think about doing. The spring sun was just right and the pivo was no more than a mortal has a right to expect in this world. I was just about in my own private Heaven. The birds was a twittering and flowers was hanging from the trees and things was what you hope for and when you get it you appreaciate it. Until, that is, until this yammering idiot sat down next to me. How did he know I wasn’t czech? How did he know to speak English and inflict me with his whateverthehellyoucallitwouldntshutupaboutandmusthavebeenimportantbutillbedamnedificared.
Well, I tried to ignore him and pretend I didn’t understand because I just lived here, but he kept on. This yahoo kept on and bought me a beer so I left my own private paradise in the leaves and sunlight and thudded down to my chair.
Maybe this feller seen my scowl and thunk it was a frown and I was in need of consoling. Well, I was in need of consoling for one of them moments you remember for ages had been cut short. So the feller says, “Tis better to be an optimist and proved wrong than a pessimist and proved right.”
Well, at first I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. There’s just too many denominations to keep track of these days. I just sort of looked at him and said I didn’t reckon I was too interested as I was a Baptist and that was enough for me. I reckon God will sort out the pessimists, optimists, and the Espispicalions like he sees fit.
So then the feller puts his glass of pivo in front of me. Here’s what happened next!:
Feller: Look, is this glass half full or half
Empty?
Me: Well, that depends. Is it mine or is it yours?
Feller: It doesn’t matter! It’s just a beer!
Me: Just a beer?! If you’re talking like that!, it ain’t yours. So is it mine or somebody else’s?
Feller: Who cares! It isn’t important.
Me: I see. And you’re right. It ain’t important. A beer that ain’t mine ain’t important enough to discuss.! ;! Be back in a minute.
( A few minutes later. ;! )
Feller: Ok, It’s your beer on the table.
Me: So, why do I have a beer on the table? Did it appear before I ordered it, or am I coming back from watering the trees, or has it been here all along?
Feller: Whatever!,!.!
Me: Well, your the one making the fuss. Ok, it’s my beer. Is it half full or half empty? It depends. If I have had a gulp or two, it’s half empty. If the waitress brings it to me like this, it’s half full.
Feller: So an optimist sees it half full and a pessimist half empty! Why are you a pessimst?
Me: So, you’re saying that a good day is run of the mill, and a bad day is special? I say a bad day is run of the mill and a good day is something special. I like my special days to be good ones. Now about the beer. It seems to me an optimist is going to die of thrist waiting for that half full beer to finish getting full, while I am going to enjoy helping this half empty beer accomplish it’s goal.
© 2008 April 13 2008
(No shit!)
Anyway,! I was sitting there and squinting from the sun and writing things to think about, things to do, and things to think about doing. The spring sun was just right and the pivo was no more than a mortal has a right to expect in this world. I was just about in my own private Heaven. The birds was a twittering and flowers was hanging from the trees and things was what you hope for and when you get it you appreaciate it. Until, that is, until this yammering idiot sat down next to me. How did he know I wasn’t czech? How did he know to speak English and inflict me with his whateverthehellyoucallitwouldntshutupaboutandmusthavebeenimportantbutillbedamnedificared.
Well, I tried to ignore him and pretend I didn’t understand because I just lived here, but he kept on. This yahoo kept on and bought me a beer so I left my own private paradise in the leaves and sunlight and thudded down to my chair.
Maybe this feller seen my scowl and thunk it was a frown and I was in need of consoling. Well, I was in need of consoling for one of them moments you remember for ages had been cut short. So the feller says, “Tis better to be an optimist and proved wrong than a pessimist and proved right.”
Well, at first I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. There’s just too many denominations to keep track of these days. I just sort of looked at him and said I didn’t reckon I was too interested as I was a Baptist and that was enough for me. I reckon God will sort out the pessimists, optimists, and the Espispicalions like he sees fit.
So then the feller puts his glass of pivo in front of me. Here’s what happened next!:
Feller: Look, is this glass half full or half
Empty?
Me: Well, that depends. Is it mine or is it yours?
Feller: It doesn’t matter! It’s just a beer!
Me: Just a beer?! If you’re talking like that!, it ain’t yours. So is it mine or somebody else’s?
Feller: Who cares! It isn’t important.
Me: I see. And you’re right. It ain’t important. A beer that ain’t mine ain’t important enough to discuss.! ;! Be back in a minute.
( A few minutes later. ;! )
Feller: Ok, It’s your beer on the table.
Me: So, why do I have a beer on the table? Did it appear before I ordered it, or am I coming back from watering the trees, or has it been here all along?
Feller: Whatever!,!.!
Me: Well, your the one making the fuss. Ok, it’s my beer. Is it half full or half empty? It depends. If I have had a gulp or two, it’s half empty. If the waitress brings it to me like this, it’s half full.
Feller: So an optimist sees it half full and a pessimist half empty! Why are you a pessimst?
Me: So, you’re saying that a good day is run of the mill, and a bad day is special? I say a bad day is run of the mill and a good day is something special. I like my special days to be good ones. Now about the beer. It seems to me an optimist is going to die of thrist waiting for that half full beer to finish getting full, while I am going to enjoy helping this half empty beer accomplish it’s goal.
© 2008 April 13 2008
(No shit!)
Monday, April 14, 2008
I got to take my hat off to this guy!
http://news.scotsman.com/uk/Marathon39s-no-sweat-if-you.3977250.jp
By Karin Goodwin
AS BRITAIN'S oldest employee, 101-year-old Buster Martin aimed to smash another record yesterday as the world's oldest marathon runner, helped along the gruelling 26.2-mile course with a pint of beer and a cigarette.
Bearded and spritely, the former army physical-training instructor got in shape for yesterday's London marathon in his time off from a plumbing firm. Before setting off, the father of 17, who is also a star with a pop group called The Zimmers, said: "I've said I'll attempt it. I haven't said I'll complete it. I'll do what I always do and have a pint and a fag. People ask what's my secret but I haven't got one. They say fags and booze are bad for you – but I'm still here, aren't I?"Expected to complete the race in 12 hours, he was well on target at the 13-mile mark, where he stopped for a beer, cigarette and some homemade sandwiches.
new news from over here
Hello Hello!
What’s new over here? Nothing much. Weather has been acting up. We had had a hurricaine! Yup, pretty durned near unbelievable since there ain’t no ocean around for miles. Also some mountains between us too. Be kind of like Nebraska getting one. None the less it’s true. It’s name was Emma. Came a roarin through too. Knocked down some trees and light poles and blew out windows too! I got it all on video, but I can’t figure out how to get it on that you-toot site for videos just yet. I promise to let you know when I get it done.
Only the thing is they pronounce it, “U Rah Gan” I heard all the warnings it was coming so I was prepared. I thought a darned big ol urangatang was coming and nobody knew what to do. You see there’s strict gun control over here so when a giant urangatang attacks we is all pretty helpless unless the police manage to, well never mind. The police is too busy with this Krystoff guy they’ve been hunting for a few years now. They set up roadblocks all over the place, but never catch him.
So anyway, if you here something about a bunch of bananas and a really big box, just don’t pay no mind to it. Besides, that box must have blown halway to Kiev.
I been watching some classic Czechoslovakia animation lately, cause the cable company cut off all the good stuff and I ain't gonna stand for it, so I’m getting me a satelitte dish soon. I hope it picks up the bass fishing channel.
Anyway there’s these two fellers, A Je, and To. They kind of like to do it themselves. Now, I didn’t mean what your thinking!,* although they ain’t never got no women around. But, it ain’t like they’s Bert and Ernie or something like that. They got their own apartments. They like to fix things up. Kind of like that show with Jim Allan “Tool Tim” or something like that. Anyway these fellers are better. They’s kind of like Gumby or something and not drawn out.
They is always getting themselves in trouble and making it worse by trying to fix it. Thing is I can never figure out which one is the clumsier? A Je or To? (Pat and Mat)
They started out in commie times and as such their political expressions and messages for human rights and political freedom were often edited out. In fact one of them was forced to wear a "red"”shirt at all times. After each job was completed due to the efficency of Socialist skilled workers, they had to give a commie salute! They took their right fist and put it to their left shoulder. It’s some kind of salute to “Streda Joe”. I ain’t sure who he was. I think it was some kind of Uncle Sam thing, but I ain’t never seen no picture of him. The pressure got the better of them and they quit for awhile.
Then the commies had to move over for democracy!! Yes Sir, it was a good time and everyone was happy and an optimist. (This is a new word I learned and I’ll tell you about it later.) They say the trees bloomed blossoms of gold and honey dripped from the hives and milk spurted from the cow right into your glass 100 meters away. They said springs sprang beer and sausages grew from trees and even death took a holiday! ( I seen a documentary about this. I guess color tv was a little slow in getting here for the democratic movement!, who had to use hand made equipment and film they made themselves.) They say everyone was singing from the windows every morning (I seen this in another documentary about life on a farm. Da Da da da dadadadada) and even the shopkeepers welcomed customers into shops!
The peole talk about it still. It will go do in Czech history right along there with Tomas the Masaryk and the Round Table of the First Republic. They say this time was even more enchanted and amazing! The streets gleamed from the crystal and garnets they were paved with and ordinary railroad stations turned into palaces! Tomas the Masaryk was the wisest most can reckon and talk about, although the stories of King Charlie the Architect are very interesting indeed. It is said he built most of old Prahu single handedly!! At least a bridge, and a college! I gotta admit (see first letter) at first I weren’t none too impressed until I heard this! Now I understand all the “oooh” and “aaahh”ing.
This probably has got something to do with A Je and To being such a folk-like collective sympathetic memory. Sort of like Rabbits and ducks and cats and mice are American cartoon heroes. (upgraded my thesarous program!)
After the commies left, Czech and Slovakia, which was Czehosloavakia decided to call it quits. It was called the velvet divorce. Everything here is velvet. A velvet revolution, divorce, a beer, and who knows what else!
So basically, Czech and Slovakia which was once in the same place, split and they ain’t in the same place no more, cause they is two different countries now. Well, Slovakia got A Je and To. So in order to save their country and boost moral, they stage a comeback.
So they did. They made more episodes free from the yoke of commie tyranny and Czech suppression. But did they lose their edge? Did they need that pressure to push the edge of freedom to really bring out the best?
It depends on who you talk to. Some say they sold out, see the EU flag in Dlazdice. They even ending up on the Fox network for awhile. For many that was just too much. They’d gone hollywood.
Today they are selling DVD’s in newshops and making “best of” collections. Who knows what is in their future? Can they once again get a hold of the root of what made them great and let us laugh once more? We can only hope the EU and Hollywood haven’t destroyed them!
(er, uh, I may have cut and pasted some stuff that wasn’t exactly my own, but it just sounded better than In could have done myself)
· This is a patentened Delbert Peaches © punctuation mark. Del Marks ™ are like this:
· ?! Wow, What question!
· ,! Wow, what a pause!
· .! Wow what a sentence, better pause extra long.
· ;! I’m sneaking out for a smoke.
Then there is the
!? Hell Yeah, maybe.
!, That’s right, And
!: Yes, and more!
What’s new over here? Nothing much. Weather has been acting up. We had had a hurricaine! Yup, pretty durned near unbelievable since there ain’t no ocean around for miles. Also some mountains between us too. Be kind of like Nebraska getting one. None the less it’s true. It’s name was Emma. Came a roarin through too. Knocked down some trees and light poles and blew out windows too! I got it all on video, but I can’t figure out how to get it on that you-toot site for videos just yet. I promise to let you know when I get it done.
Only the thing is they pronounce it, “U Rah Gan” I heard all the warnings it was coming so I was prepared. I thought a darned big ol urangatang was coming and nobody knew what to do. You see there’s strict gun control over here so when a giant urangatang attacks we is all pretty helpless unless the police manage to, well never mind. The police is too busy with this Krystoff guy they’ve been hunting for a few years now. They set up roadblocks all over the place, but never catch him.
So anyway, if you here something about a bunch of bananas and a really big box, just don’t pay no mind to it. Besides, that box must have blown halway to Kiev.
I been watching some classic Czechoslovakia animation lately, cause the cable company cut off all the good stuff and I ain't gonna stand for it, so I’m getting me a satelitte dish soon. I hope it picks up the bass fishing channel.
Anyway there’s these two fellers, A Je, and To. They kind of like to do it themselves. Now, I didn’t mean what your thinking!,* although they ain’t never got no women around. But, it ain’t like they’s Bert and Ernie or something like that. They got their own apartments. They like to fix things up. Kind of like that show with Jim Allan “Tool Tim” or something like that. Anyway these fellers are better. They’s kind of like Gumby or something and not drawn out.
They is always getting themselves in trouble and making it worse by trying to fix it. Thing is I can never figure out which one is the clumsier? A Je or To? (Pat and Mat)
They started out in commie times and as such their political expressions and messages for human rights and political freedom were often edited out. In fact one of them was forced to wear a "red"”shirt at all times. After each job was completed due to the efficency of Socialist skilled workers, they had to give a commie salute! They took their right fist and put it to their left shoulder. It’s some kind of salute to “Streda Joe”. I ain’t sure who he was. I think it was some kind of Uncle Sam thing, but I ain’t never seen no picture of him. The pressure got the better of them and they quit for awhile.
Then the commies had to move over for democracy!! Yes Sir, it was a good time and everyone was happy and an optimist. (This is a new word I learned and I’ll tell you about it later.) They say the trees bloomed blossoms of gold and honey dripped from the hives and milk spurted from the cow right into your glass 100 meters away. They said springs sprang beer and sausages grew from trees and even death took a holiday! ( I seen a documentary about this. I guess color tv was a little slow in getting here for the democratic movement!, who had to use hand made equipment and film they made themselves.) They say everyone was singing from the windows every morning (I seen this in another documentary about life on a farm. Da Da da da dadadadada) and even the shopkeepers welcomed customers into shops!
The peole talk about it still. It will go do in Czech history right along there with Tomas the Masaryk and the Round Table of the First Republic. They say this time was even more enchanted and amazing! The streets gleamed from the crystal and garnets they were paved with and ordinary railroad stations turned into palaces! Tomas the Masaryk was the wisest most can reckon and talk about, although the stories of King Charlie the Architect are very interesting indeed. It is said he built most of old Prahu single handedly!! At least a bridge, and a college! I gotta admit (see first letter) at first I weren’t none too impressed until I heard this! Now I understand all the “oooh” and “aaahh”ing.
This probably has got something to do with A Je and To being such a folk-like collective sympathetic memory. Sort of like Rabbits and ducks and cats and mice are American cartoon heroes. (upgraded my thesarous program!)
After the commies left, Czech and Slovakia, which was Czehosloavakia decided to call it quits. It was called the velvet divorce. Everything here is velvet. A velvet revolution, divorce, a beer, and who knows what else!
So basically, Czech and Slovakia which was once in the same place, split and they ain’t in the same place no more, cause they is two different countries now. Well, Slovakia got A Je and To. So in order to save their country and boost moral, they stage a comeback.
So they did. They made more episodes free from the yoke of commie tyranny and Czech suppression. But did they lose their edge? Did they need that pressure to push the edge of freedom to really bring out the best?
It depends on who you talk to. Some say they sold out, see the EU flag in Dlazdice. They even ending up on the Fox network for awhile. For many that was just too much. They’d gone hollywood.
Today they are selling DVD’s in newshops and making “best of” collections. Who knows what is in their future? Can they once again get a hold of the root of what made them great and let us laugh once more? We can only hope the EU and Hollywood haven’t destroyed them!
(er, uh, I may have cut and pasted some stuff that wasn’t exactly my own, but it just sounded better than In could have done myself)
· This is a patentened Delbert Peaches © punctuation mark. Del Marks ™ are like this:
· ?! Wow, What question!
· ,! Wow, what a pause!
· .! Wow what a sentence, better pause extra long.
· ;! I’m sneaking out for a smoke.
Then there is the
!? Hell Yeah, maybe.
!, That’s right, And
!: Yes, and more!
Monday, March 31, 2008
News of the weekend
Well, Hey there!
Once again I write to you all. That is called redundant it means to say something that don’t need to be said. Or in the Untied Kingdom, it means you done been put on the dole. On the dole is a way of saying you is out of work , in US English. I think the British say something about sucking on the teet of something.
Sorry, had to put a little lesson in there. I hear there’s a job opening up on one of the papers for an English writer to tell all about how to speak English. I would like to tackle that job.
Anyways, what is in the news? Some strange goings on today. It seems Casper was seen in Prague in the castle!! It was on the news. He was seen by a whole bunch of people. But I heard something about the presidet’s son too. I guess Casper scared him. I hope they all know that casper is a friendly ghost!
Then the thing that perplexed me the most. It seems that the Paris Hilton came to Prague! It really knocked my socks off. I had to go see it myself. There is an Effiel Tower here, so i figured the moved the Hilton too. I never saw nothing though. I was in this restaurant having a beer when i heard some people say the Paris Hilton was coming! I got up and moved toward the window, but all I could see was a bunch of reporters looking at the restauarant. Then I turned around and bumped into this skinny little gal. I guess she slipped and I tried to catch her, but she fell down. She started crying and then she ran off with her feller. I tried to say i was sorry, but I didn’t have a chance.
Once again I write to you all. That is called redundant it means to say something that don’t need to be said. Or in the Untied Kingdom, it means you done been put on the dole. On the dole is a way of saying you is out of work , in US English. I think the British say something about sucking on the teet of something.
Sorry, had to put a little lesson in there. I hear there’s a job opening up on one of the papers for an English writer to tell all about how to speak English. I would like to tackle that job.
Anyways, what is in the news? Some strange goings on today. It seems Casper was seen in Prague in the castle!! It was on the news. He was seen by a whole bunch of people. But I heard something about the presidet’s son too. I guess Casper scared him. I hope they all know that casper is a friendly ghost!
Then the thing that perplexed me the most. It seems that the Paris Hilton came to Prague! It really knocked my socks off. I had to go see it myself. There is an Effiel Tower here, so i figured the moved the Hilton too. I never saw nothing though. I was in this restaurant having a beer when i heard some people say the Paris Hilton was coming! I got up and moved toward the window, but all I could see was a bunch of reporters looking at the restauarant. Then I turned around and bumped into this skinny little gal. I guess she slipped and I tried to catch her, but she fell down. She started crying and then she ran off with her feller. I tried to say i was sorry, but I didn’t have a chance.
Mr, mus
1 CommentClose this window Jump to comment form
Anonymous said...
As a new Aussie expat in Prague, I have found your blog intriguing. Do you have any sage tips and advice for surviving this place? I feel like your advice would be more useful than anything that I may care to read on expats.cz.With love,Aussie Expat
March 28, 2008 6:29 PM
Well, the number one tip is this: It ain't Kansas, toto. Grit your teeth and get used to it. You're going to have bad days. But now it's Spring and everything is nice and skirts are getting shorter!
Drinking at 6am ain't frowned upon, so go for it!
When you gotta go to an Urad, take some kind of elephant dart like they use to put them to sleep with. Stick it in your neck before you open the door.
Anonymous said...
As a new Aussie expat in Prague, I have found your blog intriguing. Do you have any sage tips and advice for surviving this place? I feel like your advice would be more useful than anything that I may care to read on expats.cz.With love,Aussie Expat
March 28, 2008 6:29 PM
Well, the number one tip is this: It ain't Kansas, toto. Grit your teeth and get used to it. You're going to have bad days. But now it's Spring and everything is nice and skirts are getting shorter!
Drinking at 6am ain't frowned upon, so go for it!
When you gotta go to an Urad, take some kind of elephant dart like they use to put them to sleep with. Stick it in your neck before you open the door.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
time and space realtionships
Well, it’s good to sit down and let you all know what’s new. You remember that there film gumball rally or something with Bert Reynolds, Don Deluise, Jakie Chan, Bond 007, and of course Farah Faucet!!!????? I don’t know what in the heck they’re up to here, but everyday it’s just carnage and more of it. They had a big ol’ demolition derby on the main road, D-1.
Other than that ain’t been a whole lot going on. Except this, I was sitting there in my rocking chair, rocking away like I always do just as long as it’s possible without some damned busybody coming a long and trying to make me do something I’d rather not. Things like work and shopping and cleaning and so on drive me nuts sometimes!
It was like Ol’ Aunt Slyvester used to always go on about getting off my butt and going somewhere. Well, I realized I am going somewhere. And pretty durned fast too.
So, We’re going around in circles like about 1,000 miles per hour. Earth is about 23,000 or so miles around, depending wher you want to wrap the tape. Kind of like some women folk I know. That tape can make a bit of difference. So, it’s like you’re flying around in a giant tilt-a-whirl, only you’re outside the cage being stuck to it! It’d take a nascar car about 5 days to go that far.
Dang, that’s a scary picture flying around that fast on a big ol’ ball. BUT then we is going around in big Ol’ circles around the Sun at 67,000 mph! So now we’re going around and around; and around another thing! We’re into double tilt-a-whirl terroritory now! (Maybe with a side order of corn dog, elephant ear, and a Pabst!)
Like that ain’t enough, we’re going around the galaxie at 1.34 million miles per hour! Now, triple tilt-a-whirl in Three dimensions (and some Italian sausages on top) But going so fast as this. The sun is like 93 million miles away. That’s so darned far It’s like like 186,000 Indianapolis 500’s. Now here’s what’ll knock your hat off: Light can go that far in 8 minutes! That’s right, minutes. You do the summnations and figure out how far it could go in a year!!! So now we is going in circles around something that’s also going round.
Now they say on top of that, we is shooting straight out of the middle of the universe. So we are on the most God awful twirl and hurl ride ever invented, and it’s being shot out of a cannon at !!
Then, like I needed more, I find out there’s these things called Newtrinos that are flying out of the Sun and they pass straight through you! Like A white castle sack of burgers and some onion rings, except these newtrinos just don’t even slow down that much! They say there’s all kinds of them doing it every second. You know, I can’t wait to get my danged sports channels back on because this stuff is making me crazy. So, I ain’t even solid? I’m being shot clean though by newtrinos and some other kinds of light too, who knows how many times a second and flying through space in 4 different directions at once, and you wonder why I get a little turned around once and awhile? Tarnation it’s a wonder I don’t just off and hit the fan so to speak.
But don’t nobody ever tell me about sitting on my rear and never going anywhere no more! Nor about wasting no time and don’t even get me started on that. That’s a whole ‘nother direction we’re flying through
Other than that ain’t been a whole lot going on. Except this, I was sitting there in my rocking chair, rocking away like I always do just as long as it’s possible without some damned busybody coming a long and trying to make me do something I’d rather not. Things like work and shopping and cleaning and so on drive me nuts sometimes!
It was like Ol’ Aunt Slyvester used to always go on about getting off my butt and going somewhere. Well, I realized I am going somewhere. And pretty durned fast too.
So, We’re going around in circles like about 1,000 miles per hour. Earth is about 23,000 or so miles around, depending wher you want to wrap the tape. Kind of like some women folk I know. That tape can make a bit of difference. So, it’s like you’re flying around in a giant tilt-a-whirl, only you’re outside the cage being stuck to it! It’d take a nascar car about 5 days to go that far.
Dang, that’s a scary picture flying around that fast on a big ol’ ball. BUT then we is going around in big Ol’ circles around the Sun at 67,000 mph! So now we’re going around and around; and around another thing! We’re into double tilt-a-whirl terroritory now! (Maybe with a side order of corn dog, elephant ear, and a Pabst!)
Like that ain’t enough, we’re going around the galaxie at 1.34 million miles per hour! Now, triple tilt-a-whirl in Three dimensions (and some Italian sausages on top) But going so fast as this. The sun is like 93 million miles away. That’s so darned far It’s like like 186,000 Indianapolis 500’s. Now here’s what’ll knock your hat off: Light can go that far in 8 minutes! That’s right, minutes. You do the summnations and figure out how far it could go in a year!!! So now we is going in circles around something that’s also going round.
Now they say on top of that, we is shooting straight out of the middle of the universe. So we are on the most God awful twirl and hurl ride ever invented, and it’s being shot out of a cannon at !!
Then, like I needed more, I find out there’s these things called Newtrinos that are flying out of the Sun and they pass straight through you! Like A white castle sack of burgers and some onion rings, except these newtrinos just don’t even slow down that much! They say there’s all kinds of them doing it every second. You know, I can’t wait to get my danged sports channels back on because this stuff is making me crazy. So, I ain’t even solid? I’m being shot clean though by newtrinos and some other kinds of light too, who knows how many times a second and flying through space in 4 different directions at once, and you wonder why I get a little turned around once and awhile? Tarnation it’s a wonder I don’t just off and hit the fan so to speak.
But don’t nobody ever tell me about sitting on my rear and never going anywhere no more! Nor about wasting no time and don’t even get me started on that. That’s a whole ‘nother direction we’re flying through
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
howdy
I hope everybody had a fun Easter. I hope to get some new posts done soon. I took on a second job so i don't have so much time at the moment.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
This is a "bump" of an easter post
Dear Fast Ed and the boys at the Sunoco,It's finally Spring over here. It's planting time and I'm helping out some of the boys when I get some free time. Those boys go pretty much round the clock when it's time to go. The tractors over here is bout the same as ours. Some of the boys even got themselves deeres. So things are a hoppin here in Mozkojedy. My job teaching at the farm school is going just fine. Evenings pretty much finds me sitting at U Bricho, ain't nothing else to do round here.All the tv is in Czech and it's about the damnedest language there is. Well, more about that later, I don't want to get all worked up into a dander now. A couple of folks here gots a dish on their house, but it don't pick up TNN, CMT, PTL, or even ESPN 10. What they do pick up is all in some other language that I cain't make heads or tails of.Well, last weekend was Easter Monday. Yup, you heard me right, Easter Monday! It is the most heathen thing on earth too. I was in bed for two days afterwards. I like to never got through the day teaching. Of course the students was pretty quiet, heckfire some of them was worse off than me, if that's possible. I was as pale as a preacher caught poking a pony. I just went home and lay in bed a moaning and a groaning, couldn't hold nothing down niether. It was just an all around misery.Now, I swears what I'm gonna tell you is the gospel truth. We do the holiday on Monday, but we don't even go to church! That ain't no problem with me though. You see, alls we got is a catholic church. There ain't no Hellfire's Awaiting Antiot Baptist Churches in my burg.All the same the boys from the Bricho drag me out of bed at 7:00 in the morning. Well, I sure as the hell weren't none too happy about about it niether.But the boys was smiles all around. Ain't none of these boys speak English beyond ,"Delbert," and , "That's for Del" (Dopr Deli) . My lessons at the Bricho don't seem to be sinking in none too well, but of course I ain't exactly rattling off the ol cesko myself. Damned thing is we seem to understand eachother while we're there.Well anyway, the boys was all standing around grinning like possums eating persimmons with these long switches in their hands all strung out with ribbons. Then they pull me out of the door. If I'd a known wahat was going to follow, I'd a broke free and hid in bed all day. We head over to the first neighbors the Gott's. So we knock on the door and waltz right on in like we owned the place. Didn't even take our shoes off like you normally got do like you was in Japan or something. The boys start grabbing the women folk and hiding them real good and hollering"Hady, Hady co pro vody." I think it means the snake is looking for water. Then the gals gives us all an egg! Hell, if I'd pulled something like that back home, I figure I'd get some rock salt in the hindquarters. Then they offer us a half a sandwich. (They's pretty poor over here still and can't afford to put bread on both sides.) Then the men folk poor us each a shot of something or the other. Some stuff called Becker's over and Furnyet. They call 'em appertites. I reckon so, anything to get that taste out of your mouth.Then there was all the usuals, vodka, something called room, There is also this vice drinks, plum vice, peach vice, and cherry vice. They is right, it is about like putting your head in a vice. Well ain't no sooner we all poured outa one door we stumbled right into another. This kept a going on and on. Finally we get to Tonda's house. ( They call him Tonda on account of that's about what he weighs. But, boy can he put down the beer!) We spanked all they women and his Granny gave us some Gulash .I was really looking forward to something warm, those sandwiches are ok, but when a man's a drinking like that; he needs a full stomach of something substancial. It was called serengetti gulash. I reckon because it was so dry. To look at it you'd think it was Dinty Moore's beef stew, but with no taters. That's a shame, cause I'd really have liked something I could chew up. It was kinda like beef jerky. You keep chawing on it, but you don't really get nowhere. I reckon somebodies cow keeled over from old age last week.So then we was off for more spankin and drinkin. I wanted to go home, but the boys weren't having none of it. They kept on draggin me from house to house. Now what follows is what I remember because it stands out. I'm sure there was some more stuff, but I just can't recolect too well. About the last thing I remember, well Hell, ain't never gonna forget this one. Was the Klause's. (No relation to Santa, ha ha) There's this onery ol cuss named older .lives in the village and he joined us going up the drive. Older was about three sheets in the wind. We all went in and commenced to the spankin. There was the granny, an aunt, Mrs. Klause and their daughter Sharka. Sharka is a real mean one. She's always screaming and yelling at everybody. You can hear her all night long. Older gets ready for his turn and bends her over the couch and yanks up her skirt! He proceeds to spank her for a bit and then the old fool drops his drawers! No telling what the idiot was thinking, but you knnow the saying about drinking,"you might et Julie, But you ain't shakin your spear." You'll never believe what happened next. The dumbass just cuts loose and starts peeing on her butt!I was waiting for Klaus to just tear into him and kill the old jackass, but Klaus was just rolling on the floor laughing! About this time sharka showed her teeth. I guess she'd been in shock up till now. She reared up and caught Older with a right and dropped him in his tracks. Well, it weren't hardly fair, the old guy had this pants hanging down to his knees and couldn't have gotten away if he'd wanted to. He lay there a spouting like a fleur de lee!Sure wasn't any of us coulda helped him. We was all just busting our guts laughing. Finally Mrs. Klaus and the Aunt muscle Sharka in the next room and we all get on aout of there. Finally I convinced the boys it might be a good idea to call it a day. Yeah, call it a day and it weren't even noon yet.The village looked like some sort of secret weapon had went off. The men was staggering all over the place. Some of them was even sleeping on the sidewalk. I got home, but it weren't no use. I couldn't get the key in the lock so I headed toward the hospoda. I was shanghied by Alex's wife first. She was yelling and screaming like something was really wrong, and it was. Next thing you know Alex comes staggering out of the house. His face was redder than Zeman's nose. ( That's what the locals say, I ain't sure what it means.) And there was yellow and white stuff oozing out of his head. Scared the hell right out of me. I figured he done busted his head wide open and the brains were coming out. I tried to help, but when I got closer I noticed it weren't his brains at all, but Tater salad! Seems Alex passed right out in a big ol platter of deep fried pork chops fresh from the fryer. Well that lit a fire under him, so to speak. He panicked and didn't know what to do, and the first thing he saw was the tater salad so he stuck his head in the whole bowl to try and cool his face off.As soon as I realized he was going to live, I headed back to the bar. Next thing I knowed I seen older laying out front of his place moaning and groaning. Sharka only got him once, but he was looking like he'd been tenderized! He was all over black and blue. Then out from a bush leaps this banshee just a wailing and shrieking at me holding a frying pan. It was Older's wife. Seems somehow she found out about Older and Sharka and wasn't none too pleased. As I closed in on the bar I see something else laying around. The hospoda sits at the bottom of a long hill. Goats are kept in this field to keep the hill clean. There's some houses at the top of the hill, a church, and a park.. What ever it was in the field was all covered in green and brown, kind of like one of them soldier of fortunes. I got closer and saw it was Fanta. He'd been up at the park going home and decided to have one more and took the short cut through the goat pasture. He must've slipped on a goat pie on the top and tumbled down the whole way getting grass stains on him and hitting quite a few more pies on the way down. I sure wasn't going to help him so I went on in to the bar. Next year I am for certain staying home and sleeping.
Friday, March 7, 2008
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